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Tips for Dealing with Unrealistic/Oblivious Boss(es)


Jibralta
SIGNS OF A TOXIC BOSS | THERAPIST R...
SIGNS OF A TOXIC BOSS | THERAPIST REACTS TO RAISSA KENGNE
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I heard back from Job#2 on April 7. They decided to pursue other candidates for the position. That's the job that wanted me to travel to Brooklyn. I probably would have felt deflated about the rejection if I didn't have so many other potential options. Boy, I am really glad that I invested in that resume service and LinkedIn makeover.

Some of the people I've interviewed with (including Job#2) asked me to let them know if I started getting offers from other companies. I wondered out loud to Arnold if I should take that as a good sign, as evidence that the company was genuinely considering me as a candidate. It certainly seems like it would be. 

As a result of those requests, I've reached out to the recruiters and potential employers that I've been speaking with over the past few weeks, to advise them that I've received an offer. Arnold felt that I shouldn't bother, that I'd just be complicating things for myself. But I felt that it was the professional thing to do.

And I'm glad I did it because Job#3 and Job#4 have already responded, even though it's a Saturday. Job#3 is going to send me an offer on Monday, and Job#4 has pushed my second interview & design presentation from Thursday to Monday. So, at the very least, I'll come out of this with two offers. 

 

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I've had a draft of my resignation letter prepared for well over a month. I taped it to some shelves right by my desk, so I could look up and read it any time I started to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It's weird, but that helped.

As time went on, more and more pleasantries got crossed out, and some areas were rewritten. I'm happy with the final result. Barebones, straight to the point, professional.

I have my resignation email prepared and sitting in my drafts folder. A copy of my fully revised, dated and signed resignation letter is attached. It's all ready to go. I thought about scheduling it to send automatically at 7AM on Monday morning, but I stopped short of that.

It's definitely going out tomorrow, though.

I weirdly have a little bit of anxiety over sending the email. I'm a little worried about the projects that I'm currently involved in--will they be completed properly? I don't know, but I have to let that worry go. I'm also a little apprehensive about Simon's and Kasey's reactions.

We have a meeting every morning, and I'm sure that some of my coworkers will ask where I am going. Part of me feels compelled to lie about it. Simon is so vindictive--I don't want him knowing where I'm going and trying to ruin it! On the other hand, my coworkers would probably be a little miffed if they found out that I lied to them.

There's always the possibility that Simon will fly into a rage and fire me outright! I think that would be a great outcome, actually. Two week vacation!

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I forgot to mention the touch of providence that I've benefitted from over the last couple weeks. 

As previously mentioned, on February 22 Simon told me that he was cutting my salary. That meeting occurred halfway through a pay period, so I wasn't sure if he was going to retroactively cut my salary to include that week and the week before, or if he was going to start the pay cut on the following week. 

I got my next paycheck on March 8.* It was for the full amount. So, I expected to see the $200 decrease in March 22nd's paycheck.* I was NOT looking forward to seeing it, because I thought I would find it demoralizing.

Then something really cool happened right before that paycheck was due to arrive: the $1400 covid credit got deposited into my checking account! That more than offset the expected decrease, and suddenly I didn't dread seeing it anymore.

But then--get this-- March 22nd's paycheck was for the full amount, as well! Those dumdums are so disorganized, they can't even screw me over properly!

My paycheck was really late this week.* I expected to see it on Monday, but it didn't get here until today. This time, the $200 had been deducted. But seeing it today didn't cause me any stress because I GOT A DOPE JOB OFFER AND I'M OUTTA HERE 😃

I feel like I've been protected from a lot of misery and ugliness. Yes, I have two more paycheck coming to me, each about $200 less than what they should be. But that ain't a big deal.

The only bad thing is that I'm probably going to have to interact with these a-holes at some point in the future, because I'm pretty sure their withholdings are all messed up.

_________________________________

*Payday is every other Friday. Even though they claimed they'd be getting direct deposit when we were hired, they never did. Apparently, there is some sort of direct deposit fee that Simon doesn't want to pay. Cheap little sht.

So, our checks are mailed. But instead of mailing our paychecks on Wednesday or Thursday to make sure that employees are paid in a timely manner, Simon and Kasey take the liberty of paying us late. They mail our paychecks out on the Friday that we should actually be receiving them. So, everybody has to wait until Monday for their paycheck.

This was a HUGE problem with some of the surveyors over the summer. When they complained, Kasey said it was the employees' fault for not getting their time cards done on time (total BS). And for a little while after that, she managed to mail the checks out on Thursday. But we're back to her mailing them on Friday and getting them on Monday or Tuesday.

If the office is closed on a Friday (like it was last week), the paychecks don't go out until Monday. And this past Monday, they didn't get them out until after 5PM, so it was more like they mailed them on Tuesday. And then my paycheck got lost in the mail and didn't get here til today lol.

 

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5 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I'm sure that some of my coworkers will ask where I am going. Part of me feels compelled to lie about it. Simon is so vindictive--I don't want him knowing where I'm going and trying to ruin it! On the other hand, my coworkers would probably be a little miffed if they found out that I lied to them.

It's customary to delay answering such questions--from ANYone--until you are settled in the new position, so don't feel pressured into saying anything beyond, "I'll be happy to let you know when the time is right.

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My accountant can talk the hind legs off of a donkey. Every tax season, I can expect one or two 30-40 minute calls from this man. But he's really good, so I can't complain.

Yesterday, I sent him my most recent paystub so that he could check the withholdings for 2021. I mentioned in the email that my pay had been cut starting March 15. Twenty minutes later, my phone rang.

My accountant said, "Do you mind telling me why they cut your pay?" I told him the whole sordid story about me digging my heels in on a design, refusing to sign the drawings, raising concerns about QC, and finally getting yelled at by Simon.

After a brief pause, my accountant said, "Congratulations. You're an ethical person."

I was like, "Thank you!"

I felt such a sense of gratitude that he said that--I don't think anyone has actually verbalized it back to me in that way. It felt good. 

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Quote

 Part of me feels compelled to lie about it. Simon is so vindictive--I don't want him knowing where I'm going and trying to ruin it! On the other hand, my coworkers would probably be a little miffed if they found out that I lied to them.

There's always the possibility that Simon will fly into a rage and fire me outright! I think that would be a great outcome, actually. Two week vacation!

It really isn't their business, you can politely decline to let them know where, like Catfeeder said.

I think it is a real risk he'd fire you outright, but that would actually be better more than likely than working under him another 2 weeks with his potential attitude, etc.

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6 hours ago, Jibralta said:

After a brief pause, my accountant said, "Congratulations. You're an ethical person."

I was like, "Thank you!"

I felt such a sense of gratitude that he said that--I don't think anyone has actually verbalized it back to me in that way. It felt good. 

It is really nice to receive validation from others, even strangers when they hear your story, that you did the right thing.  Most people who care really want to know that, even if they already know that deep down.  The outside validation gives one psychological relief.

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1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

It is really nice to receive validation from others, even strangers when they hear your story, that you did the right thing.  Most people who care really want to know that, even if they already know that deep down.  The outside validation gives one psychological relief.

While I agree with this, I'd stop telling the story. Don't feed the beast. It would have sufficed to say, "Covid impacts on the business."

You've taken every responsible action toward moving yourself FORward and away from an emotional investment in gnawing an old bone.

You've trimmed your resignation down to a liberating statement that requires no more involvement with this company beyond transitioning your project knowledge. It's up to them whether to take you up on that, or not. If not, walk free. If so, stop indulging your peers and step up to model a graceful exit. Each of them can opt to do the same for themselves, or they can keep playing in the toxic sandbox that you've chosen to exit.

One reason that it's customary to withhold information about your next move is because the gossip vine is treacherous. It can backfire on you if you cater to it. Use the right lens to view it that way, and you will thank yourself later.

Head high, and enjOy this time. I'm certainly enjoying it for you!

And BTW--no, you would NOT have been deflated by the turndown of Job 2, because ... Brooklyn. 🙂 

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3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

While I agree with this, I'd stop telling the story. Don't feed the beast. It would have sufficed to say, "Covid impacts on the business."

 

Yes, that's why it's generally safer to divulge all this stuff and get that psychological confirmation with a therapist, right?  Protection and privacy.

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31 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Yes, that's why it's generally safer to divulge all this stuff and get that psychological confirmation with a therapist, right?

Stop it with the therapist already. I've heard your opinion. I don't understand why you have to keep repeating it. Everybody doesn't have to agree with you. Please get over it.

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I was replying/asking catfeeder, I generally love her advice and unfortunately, share your problem of having had a job like this (where I was fired yet loved by quality control) with a boss much worse than yours,and it's tempting to get validation on my own story, so I was literally asking for myself. It's ironic my asking is trying to get that validation in a way lol... I'm incurable!

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Congratulations, Jibaltra! You are too good (for them) and too smart to be stuck in a hell-hole job so I am beyond happy for you. 

Vindictive bosses will be hard to walk around after you put in your notice. I had to worry about a vindictive colleague and he actually just gave me the stink eyes here and there at the end of my stay and I would give him a smile and wave. He actually wrote a thoughtful message to me on my last day so kindness goes a long way.

When I put my 2 weeks notice in for my old job, a lot of my friends-coworkers asked me why I was leaving. I couldn't believe why they even asked when they've complained privately to me about how the job and people at the job. I think the only person who congratulated me was the CEO haha... My answer was just "I need a change." Which is true but I could have said a lot of other things that were true and my coworkers would have agreed with it because I know them. But I also know it would be bashing the employer and who knows, since I am leaving, it would get out that I was bashing them in the end and they would make it hell for me. So I kept it to "I just need a change."

Then there was that question "How long have you been looking for a new job?" I would just say "Oh I've always looked occasionally just to see what's out there even before this job. I'm just a curious person." I don't know why but a lot of my bosses were wondering if those "sick days" I called in were for interviews and yea they were but who cares! I don't know maybe it would make good gossip. 

Any way stay professional and kind when it gets out that you are leaving. And if Simon gets you riled up, have a mantra to say to yourself in your head to calm you down. Mine was "In ______ days, you will no longer worry about this circus show."

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4 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Vindictive bosses will be hard to walk around after you put in your notice.

We've all been working from home, so I don't have to worry about that (fortunately)! 

My biggest complaint about these guys was their complete lack of communication.

True to form, Kasey responded with "Confirmed. We would like to discuss more with you as well and plan next steps." Then radio silence for the rest of the day. Totally unsurprising. And totally welcome!

I've had quite a day today. Two more job offers. Job#3 sent an offer, but it was very low. My second interview with Job#4 went very well. They called me about 30 minutes after I left and made a verbal offer matching the one I got on Friday (I think that was Job#5). I accepted Job #4. 

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On 4/11/2021 at 7:26 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

Yes, that's why it's generally safer to divulge all this stuff and get that psychological confirmation with a therapist, right?  Protection and privacy.

Hello MB,
Depending on the person, possibly. It's not that telling the story is taboo, but rather, I don't believe that it's in our best interests to gridlock ourselves into retelling story of a person or people from whom we are striving to move forward and beyond.

It gives that person, place or circumstances too much power, and it shapes how we view ourselves and our future paths.

Where a good vent can help to alleviate rumination and that 'locked into the problem' feeling, repeatedly telling the story can have the opposite impact. 

This is just my opinion, and the goal is NOT to squelch or repress such experiences, but rather to use discretion in deciding who is appropriate to speak with about them, and who is not.

That takes your power back and gives you pride in self control. This can be especially valuable after experiences during which you've felt power-less or degraded.

Journaling or posting anonymously is also a reasonable outlet, especially when done with a goal of moving forward. Discussing small steps and celebrating little milestones with self-reward is a positive way of interpreting the experience as a barrier that has been overcome or a tool for growth.

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I've learned so much about interviewing over the last month or so. I started out just winging it, but by the end of the process I had my sht together a lot more... I just wish I'd kept better notes. At first, it was easy to keep track of things. But after the first two weeks, everything started running together. And when it came down to decision making, I really wanted something that I could refer back to.

Over the weekend, I found that I didn't really have an apples-to-apples comparison for any of the jobs. Each company offered different strengths and weaknesses. And of course, none of the companies said, "We really suck at <whatever>," so I was left guessing at what the weaknesses really were, and if the strengths they presented were true strengths or just wishful thinking. 

I grasped for recollection of exactly what was said during each interview, how employers described their company, impressions that I had, etc., as I struggled to weigh the pros and cons of each job. If I had taken more careful notes during my interviews, and if I'd written down my impressions after my interviews, I think I would have been able to fill in some of the blanks. Perhaps I would have at least felt like I was in a better position to make a decision.

.... Well, despite that, I think things worked out ok. I think I actually have made a good decision, the right decision for me. But I probably would have been less stressed out about it last weekend. And on Monday day.

Another thing: I should have taken better notes about the salary amount that I requested. I generally just threw out a number in my range when they asked. I shot from the hip based on my impressions at the moment, and I didn't keep track of what I said! Stupid. lol. I don't know what the hell I thought I was doing. Ultimately, it didn't make a difference, as two of the three offers I received were head and shoulders above the high end of my range. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I could have saved myself some stress.

There were also some questions that I wish I had better answers to--common interview questions, like:

  • Tell me about yourself. (argh!--such a potential black hole. I have actually researched this question for how best to tailor my answer, and I will research it again when I start my next job hunt (hopefully far into the future after a long happy tenure at this next place))
  • Why are you leaving your current position? (the best answer to this seems to be, "I'm not getting the level of responsibility that I'm looking for.")
  • What are you looking for in your next position? (this one isn't so hard, but it does help to have an answer prepared and tailored to the position)

The recruiters I worked with gave me tips on how to interview, and provided questions for me to ask my interviewers. Those questions were really helpful!

Interviewing is an interesting process. I have a whole new perspective on it now. I think I learned a lot about myself from this experience. 

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My best interviewing tip which I refined over the years when the Internet arrived- come armed with 5 questions that show that you did your homework and show true interest specifically in this job.  Not what you can find right on the website.  I remember asking an interviewee why she chose our firm to interview at "oh you know they're all the same like peas and carrots".  Some truth to that.  Terrible answer.  

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