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Tips for Dealing with Unrealistic/Oblivious Boss(es)


Jibralta
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SIGNS OF A TOXIC BOSS | THERAPIST R...
SIGNS OF A TOXIC BOSS | THERAPIST REACTS TO RAISSA KENGNE

Oh yes. I have considered that. I'm not worried about the interview scenario, but I do realize that open discussion of these problems could potentially backfire. Dinah could report everything back to Kasey and Simon--complete with visual aids 😂. I really don't think she will, but I don't care if she does.

I started out hiding the situation from my coworkers, as per 'standard professional protocol,' but ultimately I reneged on that policy. I opened up to Dinah, Hassan, and Jean (individually) about the QC confrontation and my paycut a couple weeks ago.

I did it to force myself to detach from the outcome, to stop caring, and to alleviate the pressure and stress that I was feeling. I did it to force myself to believe that there is nothing to save here, and to commit 100% to my escape plan. 

The more accountable I am, the more suspicious Kasey and Simon become of me. I might as well justify those suspicions in some way. I mean, at least it makes me feel better. Yes, it's reckless, but my situation is already chaotic. What does it matter where the chaos is coming from? When in Rome do as the Romans....

Years ago, my friend caught her husband cheating on her and she posted it on facebook for the world to know. I thought that was amazing. Instead of hiding and feeling shame over something that she didn't do and wasn't to blame for, she exposed it for the world to see and judge. It didn't lessen the pain she felt from the betrayal, but it at least took the 'shame' burden off of her.

That's how I feel here. Desperate actions by a desperate woman lol.

 

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I spent some time this morning organizing information and putting together a timeline of the last two months. So much has happened, and I'm starting to lose track of what's going on. It's a little overwhelming, and managing all of this has definitely been affecting my performance at work to some degree (unfortunately, that bothers me on some level and adds to the stress lol).

Potential Jobs:

  • Job#1: (a.k.a. "Bill") Small architectural firm that I’ve done work for over the past 3 years.
  • Job#2: Fairly large engineering firm (5000+ employees) that focuses on infrastructure.
  • Job#3: Small architectural firm that does a lot of construction administration
  • Job#4: Mid-sized architectural firm with a heavy focus on design
  • Job#5: Mid-sized architectural firm that specializes in mixed use projects
  • Job#6: Small engineering and architecture firm that specializes in design and production drawings for residential property developers. Requires relocation, so it’s a no-go. But I’m pursuing it anyway for practice purposes.
  • Job#7: Venture capital organization that works directly with homeowners to customize prototypical home designs. 

Recruiting Agencies:

  • Recruiting Agency A
  • Recruiting Agency B
  • Recruiting Agency C

TIMELINE:

February 2 - 4: Months of steadily growing concern and discontent culminate in a bit of a blow out between the owner of the company (Simon) and me (truncated version of the gory details below, if interested)

February 5: Owner at Job#1 (Bill) reached out to me right as my current job arced sharply towards disaster. Made me realize that I really wanted to get out of this place. I waited a couple weeks for him to hire me, but to no avail.

February 6 - 21: I remained in a holding pattern of stress, waiting for Job#1 to come through.

February 22: Simon cut my salary by $9K. No doubt this was punishment for (inadvertently!!) pointing out his ‘shortcomings’ as a business owner and wounding his ego. Atrocious.

February 23: I let Job#1 know that I was going to put my resume out for other positions, hoping that this would spur him into hiring me. Bill got on the phone with me, but was still not able to immediately hire me. 

February 25: I started applying to jobs through LinkedIn. 

March 4: First interview with Job #2 

March 6: Hired a resume writing company to review my current resume and overhaul my LinkedIn profile.

March 10: Attended two meetings at Bill's request with Job#1 and his Revit consultant (on my day off).

March 11: Second interview with Job#2. Found out they wanted me to travel to Brooklyn… I told them I wasn’t interested in that commute, but that I was still interested in working for them. Haven’t heard back since.

March 18: Interview with in-house recruiter at Job#3

March 19: Revamped resume is complete. Updated LinkedIn profile to new standard.

March 22: Communication with Recruiting Agency A & Recruiting Agency B

March 23: Initial interview with Recruiting Agency B regarding Job#7

March 25: Communication with Recruiting Agency C

March 26: Initial interview with Recruiting Agency A—no specific job

March 29: First interview with Job#3

March 30: First Interview with Job#4, phone interview with Recruiting Agency A.

March 31: Initial interview with Recruiting Agency C about Job#6, Interview request for Job#5 (via Recruiting Agency A)

April 1: Received design assignment from Job#4. 2nd interview to be scheduled upon completion. Interview request for Job#6 (via Recruiting Agency C—not yet scheduled). 

April 2: Interview prep for Job#5 with Recruiting Agency A

April 6: Second Interview with Job#3

April 7: First Interview with Job#5

_____________________________________________

Aforementioned 'Gory Details':

February 2: Simon tried to strong arm me into designing a structure I had no business designing (it required the expertise of a structural engineer). He actually tried twisting the law around to make it seem like it was my responsibility as an architect. I looked up the law, found it wasn’t as he represented it, and sent him the excerpts that contradicted him. I offered to attempt the structural design, but requested strict QC by the senior architect and the structural engineer, and I refused to sign and seal the drawings. 

February 3: A short debate about the existence of a QC policy at the firm ensued as a result of my email. The situation culminated with Simon calling me up and yelling at me for 30 minutes, accusing me of trying to make him look bad (lol!), ‘pulling rank’ on me and ‘putting [me] in my place’ (literally his words), and calling me ‘inappropriate’ and ‘insubordinate,’–accusations which still make me smile to this day. Sorry, but my sense of humor adores the ridiculous. I didn’t put up any fight with him. I just listened as he blustered himself into self-contradiction, and finally into silence. Then he told me he was still right about the law (the ballsy little liar!! 😂😂😂) and we got off the phone.

February 4: Absurd, impromptu, company-wide mandatory staff meeting is called, in which all employees were told that any problems they had with project expectations and communication with the owners did not exist. Simon's way of dealing with problems by declaring them nonexistent and illegal.

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On 2/21/2021 at 3:14 PM, Jibralta said:

I had a dream a couple of days ago. I had come to the last page in the notebook that I keep for work. There were other pages after the one that I was on, but I could see through the current page that the text on them was upside down--meaning, they had already been used (sometimes, I keep two notebooks in one by using it upside down from the back. If that makes any sense).

I didn't mention it when I wrote about this dream, but I felt at the time that it was symbolic of my tenure at my current company, that reaching the last page in that notebook meant reaching the day where I finally had a way out of this job.

Today, I actually reached (and filled) the last page of the notebook. There was upside down writing on the other side, just like in the dream (that's normal for me, btw). No job offer yet, but I've got lots of irons in the fire.

My 2nd interview on Tuesday seemed to go well. They haven't offered me the job, but I left feeling like a job offer might be imminent. Then when I got home, I had an email from Bill saying that things might be moving forward with that client (argh!!) and I felt instantly guilty lol.

My elation buoyed me through our team zoom call the next morning, and I guess my happiness was obvious because one of my coworkers texted me after the call:

image.thumb.png.f49e21f9a0a33d6e6ccfb02a9d82c84c.png

My ebullience is gradually deflating as the hours go by without a job offer.... but it makes me feel so much better to know that I am generating options. I had a zoom interview yesterday evening that seemed to go well, and a brief, initial phone interview today, to be followed up with a Zoom meeting next week. I also have a zoom interview tomorrow afternoon, a brief phone interview on Monday, and a second interview on Wednesday.

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2 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Literally eight minutes after I posted that, a recruiter called me and told me there was an offer in the pipeline. Supposedly, it will come through tomorrow. We shall see....

Are you happy?You know the salary?Is it a job that excites you?

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1 minute ago, dias said:

Are you happy?You know the salary?Is it a job that excites you?

I'm trying not to get too excited, because I haven't seen the proof yet. It's not a job that I expected to get. But it's a definitely a good company, and (from what the recruiter told me) a very good salary. 

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28 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Literally eight minutes after I posted that, a recruiter called me and told me there was an offer in the pipeline. Supposedly, it will come through tomorrow. We shall see....

Whoop, whoop!  Thrilled for you! 

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I got a (really good) job offer from someone who found my resume on Indeed and after a 30 minute phone interview. I hadn't had relevant experience in six years (with the exception of a two month temp job at the end of last year) but I guess it was good enough! I'm a contract worker there now and really like the work.

I'm hoping this offer turns out to be a good one for you!

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12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I got a (really good) job offer from someone who found my resume on Indeed and after a 30 minute phone interview. I hadn't had relevant experience in six years (with the exception of a two month temp job at the end of last year) but I guess it was good enough

This experience has taught me to value recruiters a lot more! I used to blow them off when they contacted me, but I don't think I'll do that anymore. Some of them can really hustle. And when they make commission based on your salary, they push to get you higher pay. 

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Yesterday, I was absolutely useless. Practically catatonic. It was the excitement over this potential offer, plus I just feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions with all of these phone calls and interviews. 

Today, I have a zoom interview after work, and have tentatively agreed to sit in on Bill's BIM implementation meeting during my lunch hour. 

Four different directions, today: Work, potential job offer, Bill meeting, interview. I hope I can be more than catatonic today. But even more, I hope that I can finally move on from this limbo, to greener pastures.

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9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Yesterday, I was absolutely useless. Practically catatonic. It was the excitement over this potential offer, plus I just feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions with all of these phone calls and interviews. 

Today, I have a zoom interview after work, and have tentatively agreed to sit in on Bill's BIM implementation meeting during my lunch hour. 

Four different directions, today: Work, potential job offer, Bill meeting, interview. I hope I can be more than catatonic today. But even more, I hope that I can finally move on from this limbo, to greener pastures.

Hello Luv! Try considering each of these pulls as confirmation of your value. Then place your focus wherever you see fit at any given moment, and enjOy.

In your corner!
Cat

 

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2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Finally got offer. It's better than I expected. I told them I'd let them know on Monday, but I'm 99.999% sure I'll laccept.

Goin out to celebrate.... 🎉

Finally!!! That was too much foreplay, Jibralta!! Lol 

CONGRATULATIONS! Be proud to have stuck it out, and please let us know Simon and Kasey’s reactions!

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9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Finally got offer. It's better than I expected. I told them I'd let them know on Monday, but I'm 99.999% sure I'll laccept.

Goin out to celebrate.... 🎉

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Congrats:))))) Perseverance paid off :)) Yay!!!!!

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At 4PM yesterday, I had my zoom interview with Job#7, the venture capital endeavor. The guy who interviewed me was the star of an HGTV show! I found that out the day before, after I reviewed his LinkedIn profile and did some digging. It kind of freaked me out, to be honest. I didn't know if I should make a comment about his show, or what.

The interview itself was one of the shortest I've been on. The guy was sitting in his bedroom in a t-shirt and baseball cap, with a clothes rack full of clothes and an unmade bed in the background  🤣🤣. I felt a little overdressed! In the middle of the interview, someone knocked on the door and his dog came leaping across his bed. The guy put me on mute to answer the door.

He was very nice, but I think I caught him by surprise with some of my questions. They were normal interview questions that went over fine in my other interviews, but he was like, "What do you mean?" And I thought, Oh my god, what do I mean??? When the guy went to answer his door, I muted him and whispered to Arnold, "I'm bombing! I'm bombing!" 

I don't know if I really bombed that or not, but it didn't matter because 30 minutes later, I had the offer from Job#5. Nine minutes after that, I got an email from Bill (Job#1), saying that the client had scheduled a kickoff meeting with him for the project he was waiting for. 

 

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