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ya boy is back and needs help


ynk6

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I broke nc after 5 months and it seemed like a good idea because from what I've seen and heard she hasn't gone on a single date since we broke up 9 months ago, she doesn't even reply back to guys in her Insta dms so i reached out and the convo was good. Waited a couple weeks later and messaged her again and her replies were slow but still talking then she disappeared mid convo looool she was out for drinks w her recently single friend so it explains the slow replies but i don't get how she just went mid convo

 

What shall i do next?

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Tbh w you, i am quite difficult sometimes when we'd fall out over small things but we would make up a few mins later. Aside from that i think im the perfect boyfriend, never cheated on her or abused her or manipulated her, always been there for her, i just think she doesn't appreciate me.

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Why did you two break up?

 

Generally, when someone lets a conversation die, it means they're not interested in continuing to talk. Having said that, some context about your relationship and break-up could be helpful.

 

Long story short; we were on holiday in LA and me and her 40yo half sister had a disagreement about me being on my phone all the time in which her half sister told her dad about then my ex told me her dad would never forgive me. I spoke to him a couple months later, in May, and he said he had no problem w me whatsoever (i have a perfect track record w with her parents)

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Your last thread says a lot and I think it would answer your own question about why she might have left mid-convo. She's enjoying talking to new guys on dating apps and you fought with her family which led to the break up. You weren't accepted by her family and it broke her.

 

I don't think she's interested and she doesn't trust you going forward. You're trying to build bridges here but it's not working. She's lost trust or respect for you. I'm sorry to say this. Better to turn your attentions to healing and recovering after the break up.

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Long story short; we were on holiday in LA and me and her 40yo half sister had a disagreement about me being on my phone all the time in which her half sister told her dad about then my ex told me her dad would never forgive me. I spoke to him a couple months later, in May, and he said he had no problem w me whatsoever (i have a perfect track record w with her parents)

 

In your mind perhaps but that's embarrassing for her and quite invasive that you're talking to her dad after your break up, don't you think? Did her dad contact you or did you contact her dad?

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Your last thread says a lot and I think it would answer your own question about why she might have left mid-convo. She's enjoying talking to new guys on dating apps and you fought with her family which led to the break up. You weren't accepted by her family and it broke her.

 

I don't think she's interested and she doesn't trust you going forward. You're trying to build bridges here but it's not working. She's lost trust or respect for you. I'm sorry to say this. Better to turn your attentions to healing and recovering after the break up.

 

Tbh w you, i get it. I mean we were together for 4 years and her family do like me, they accepted me so i don't think it's a family issue, its more to do w her own issues.

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In your mind perhaps but that's embarrassing for her and quite invasive that you're talking to her dad after your break up, don't you think? Did her dad contact you or did you contact her dad?

 

I contacted him. I am quite close to him so i felt confident. After i spoke to him, i spoke to her (Pre NC for 5 months) and she thanked me for it, saying its kind but "she has deeper emotions which her dad and sister don't have as they weren't in a relationship w me" (her sister accepted my apology too)

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How do you know about her dating life and IG DMs? After this long it may be best to simply move forward than continue in the friendzone.

 

My advice about this situation remains the same:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=564952&p=7221411&viewfull=1#post7221411

I've seen and heard she hasn't gone on a single date since we broke up 9 months ago, she doesn't even reply back to guys in her Insta dms
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The only problem is she doesn't seem to trust you. Leave things as they and see whether she makes an effort to initiate contact with you in the next few months. There's nothing else to do.

 

Yeah i guess so! She's not the type to date around and were both 25; this is our first serious relationship for both of us and she really isn't the type to rebound w someone. Ive heard of stuff like GIGS etc so i really don't know what else i can do.

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How do you know about her dating life and IG DMs? After this long it may be best to simply move forward than continue in the friendzone.

 

My advice about this situation remains the same:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=564952&p=7221411&viewfull=1#post7221411

 

I have my ear to the ground. Im not even in the friend zone hahahah its a grey area between friend zone and romantic

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hahahah, where exactly is this grey area? Are you sleeping with her?

 

 

Hahahah i probably could if i wanted to but its that grey area where we have too much feelings to be friends but were not at that romantic stage yet

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Tbh what would sleeping together solve? it just gives her something to fulfil her needs without needing to commit to me so im always against that sort of thing. And while i appreciate the feedback Wiseman, i do want to hear a women's perspective more than a males

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@dancingfool Haha, yeah. I just thought she wanted to talk because every time i reached out she would reply and we always had a decent convo, we're on civil terms now so there's no bad blood at all

 

That's the thing - civil terms means just that. If you contact her, no hard feelings, she'll respond and be polite. Don't confuse that for interest in more. If she is sensing that you are confusing it for more, she is doing the only thing she can - nipping it in the bud and dropping the convo cold. That's your giant clue that she isn't interested.

 

Relationships end. There is nothing you can do about it except learn to accept that and move on. It doesn't matter if this was your first serious relationship or your 10th, it didn't work out, it's over, stop trying to pursue her.

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That's the thing - civil terms means just that. If you contact her, no hard feelings, she'll respond and be polite. Don't confuse that for interest in more. If she is sensing that you are confusing it for more, she is doing the only thing she can - nipping it in the bud and dropping the convo cold. That's your giant clue that she isn't interested.

 

Relationships end. There is nothing you can do about it except learn to accept that and move on. It doesn't matter if this was your first serious relationship or your 10th, it didn't work out, it's over, stop trying to pursue her.

 

I wasn’t confusing it for more, it was a casual conversation and granted the conversation was a little boring but I didn’t declare my love for her 😂 I mean personally I just thought she’s scared to open back up to me as she doesn’t want to get hurt 🤷🏻♀️

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You seem to be tracking her moves (in the dating area) so it gives the impression that you're not exactly wanting to reconnect for platonic reasons. You're not being very honest about your intentions here which is probably why she's avoiding you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's just not a good look for you as an ex.

 

If you want to be friends later on down the line she has to trust you as a person. You both haven't gotten there yet. It's a lot of wasted time and effort you could be spending bettering yourself or preparing yourself to meet the right person.

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You seem to be tracking her moves (in the dating area) so it gives the impression that you're not exactly wanting to reconnect for platonic reasons. You're not being very honest about your intentions here which is probably why she's avoiding you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's just not a good look for you as an ex.

 

If you want to be friends later on down the line she has to trust you as a person. You both haven't gotten there yet. It's a lot of wasted time and effort you could be spending bettering yourself or preparing yourself to meet the right person.

 

Oh no, I’ve said it all wrong!

 

I think she’s the right person for me, she’s not the source of my happiness but being w her is like being home 😌 I have bettered myself but being together for 4 years means I’ll never get over her and I’m sure she’s the same? She’s that type of girl that when she gets hurt she pushes people away

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It's probably best to keep your distance or it could be misunderstood as harassment. You're very attached to her emotionally and I think it could be crossing some boundaries. Give her a wide berth, don't invade her privacy (that knowledge is creepy even if she doesn't know you know). Don't seek or ask or even listen to people who are willing to gossip about her. Leave her alone for now. If she doesn't want to talk to you, take that as a no.

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Duly noted! I’m not snooping, friends will tell me about it and ngl it does feel good to hear! But yes that’s good advice. How much time do I give her? (Sorry for all the questions, I’m quite an anxious person)

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