Is my boyfriend controlling?

[lostandhurt]

I don't know that I have ever heard of a controlling person admit that they are actually controlling.

 

It sounds like you have tried to talk to him and he has basically put it back on you. Accusing the victim is common.

 

I don't know this guy but from what you described I agree it will not go well when you end it with him. I am a little concerned for your safety to blunt.

 

I would write him a letter, not a text but a real letter and leave it for him. Be clear and concise that you have tried to talk to him about his behavior and there has been no change. Tell him your decision is final and you are not interested in trying to work things out. Wish him the best and that you hope he meets the right woman one day but you are clearly not that woman.

 

No need to go into detail like has been mentioned, keep it short and to the point. The sooner the better.

 

He will want to meet to talk which is fine, just arrange it to be somewhere public-ish so there will be no outlandish displays. Make arrangements to exchange each others stuff at the same public meeting. Then total NC and begin to heal and think about how to spot the right and wrong guy earlier on.

 

 

This is a tough thing to do but the sooner you do it the better. Be kind but firm.

 

Lost

[reinventmyself]

Controlling people are very insecure and feel a sense of ownership.

Insecure people who want to basically own you don't take the news that you are leaving very well.

I agree with others. You either need to do it by a letter or in a public place. Or tell him over the phone. Let your family know what you are about to do.

 

My high school boyfriend was very much like you described. He tried harming himself and stalking me for a couple years. I am not saying this is going to happen to you, but the type of unhealthy attachment they develop for someone is not something you should underestimate

[Wiseman2]

Then why are you doing it again?

over the months he has began to show controlling signs.

I am just concerned because i have been in controlling relationships before and i don’t want to be in them again.