Need advice: should I ask for sex or not?

[HeartGoesOn]

It should be clear by what I've stated so far that I'm not in fact gearing up to have sex with her.

 

So, if you put this "cuddle buddy" nonsense aside, along with "not gearing up to have sex with her", what advice are you looking for, Seff?

[Seff]

Anyways, I dunno, nobody seems to really get how I feel.

 

Sure I've helped her out over the years, nominally.

 

And I think she feels obliged to give back to me so to speak.

 

But again as I alluded in my first post, it would fill my heart with joy and bring vitality to my soul to have just made the world a little bit of a better place for her, without needing her to suck my d*ck for it. lol

 

And as you see, it's not altruism because what I get back is more than sexual gratification.

 

....She, like me, has been through a lot....

[Seff]

So, if you put this "cuddle buddy" nonsense aside, along with "not gearing up to have sex with her", what advice are you looking for, Seff?

 

I really don't appreciate you calling my want for a cuddle buddy nonsense. Ty very much. It's not nonsense at all. Maybe to you, and maybe to most, and I find that sad.

 

But well I mean I dunno, I guess I was looking to see if there was a good reason I should have sex with her after all. But so far, nope.

[bluecastle]

I guess I was looking to see if there was a good reason I should have sex with her after all.

 

Regardless of the circumstances—and I have found myself in a multitude of them—I've generally found that the best reason to have sex with someone is that you want to have sex with them and don't think doing so is going to scratch the proverbial record.

 

For some reason, here, it feels like a record scratch. Feelings, history—that's part of it. Another part? You seem to genuinely care about her, while also genuinely believing she doesn't have a very high sense of herself, "uses" sex as a kind of currency to increase her worth, and you don't want to be a factor in that kind of shady and self-defeating transaction.

 

Whether such insights are accurate, or fueled by your own psycho-emotional experiences of being a human, they're enough to leech the fun out of a human act that should, in the end, be just about fun—a clear-headed body trip, not a head trip triggered by bodies.

[HeartGoesOn]

That's a question which only you can answer. I think you're placing yourself directly in the line of fire, but that's your call.

[Seff]

 

For some reason, here, it feels like a record scratch. Feelings, history—that's part of it. Another part? You seem to genuinely care about her, while also genuinely believing she doesn't have a very high sense of herself, "uses" sex as a kind of currency to increase her worth, and you don't want to be a factor in that kind of shady and self-defeating transaction.

.

 

Yes, that seems pretty darn accurate. Thank you for articulating it well.

[abitbroken]

Please bring protection. Close proximity, "cuddling" can lead to sexual touch. You are naive if you don't think that possible. She is not your 5 year old niece/nephew that you are reading a bed time story and they want to cuddle on your lap while taking turns reading. you have no idea of her true intentions. its BIZARRE that she talked about you as a cuddle buddy when she was dating your boss, btw, She sounds a little wacky so get verbal consent for every move. one thing can lead to another.

[Seff]

Please bring protection. Close proximity, "cuddling" can lead to sexual touch. You are naive if you don't think that possible. She is not your 5 year old niece/nephew that you are reading a bed time story and they want to cuddle on your lap while taking turns reading. you have no idea of her true intentions. its BIZARRE that she talked about you as a cuddle buddy when she was dating your boss, btw, She sounds a little wacky so get verbal consent for every move. one thing can lead to another.

 

Holly smokes. You are so off base though.

 

Ok I think that's enough advice folks.

 

Clearly I need to find a forum where people who are not so conventional can discuss matters like this without having so many people misunderstand, condescend, and discredit.

 

Ty I'm out.

[Seff]

I think you're placing yourself directly in the line of fire, but that's your call.

 

Clearly you are right about that. Peace out.

[jul-els]

Umm yeah. I mean while it's always good to advocate for using protection, to protect against STIs and unwanted pregnancies it's completely un-needed here:

 

1) I'm not a virgin and though I normally wouldn't brag, it seems relevant to state here, that this lowly introvert has actually had a lot of sex. And I always use protection.

2) It should be clear by what I've stated so far that I'm not in fact gearing up to have sex with her.

 

Just saying, word to the wise. You know what's good. Be smart. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. As long as you're in a good place with everything, it's all good. It sounds like you posted here because you were unsure. If you are, I gave my honest best advice. If you're not, then go forward in your decision with full awareness of the possible outcomes and confidence and comfort in your ability to navigate them.