Should I ask ex out?

[RicBoy]

Yes, that's it.

 

If she has a change of heart about seeing you one-on-one, she will somehow let you know. She has given you no indication of wanting to meet you, apart from arranging hang-outs for your children.

Alright. No invitations. At least until she shows any signs. I guess I can use the exchange kids meet up to at least remind her the guy she fell for in the past.

[boltnrun]

Alright. No invitations. At least until she shows any signs. I guess I can use the exchange kids meet up to at least remind her the guy she fell for in the past.

 

Please do not bring up the relationship! Or try to act a certain way that you think she'll find attractive. Show her you respect her wishes.

[RayRay63]

Alright. No invitations. At least until she shows any signs. I guess I can use the exchange kids meet up to at least remind her the guy she fell for in the past.

 

No, no, no, no ,no. No.

 

What you see as a "sign" may just be her stringing you along. Or nothing but a misinterpretation by you.

 

You appear to not be understanding something multiple responders have been saying: Do not use the kid hand-overs as some sort of weapon to try and get her back.

 

I'll spell out why:

 

1) You shoved her physically and its a long way back from there, probably too far, but leave it alone and give it time.

 

2) She has told you she is not interested, more than once.

 

3) You continuing in breaking no contact, and asking her out -

 

(a) is contrary to her stated wishes

 

(b) looks weak and needy

 

© is unattractive

 

(d) is transparent, and she'll think you are an idiot.

 

(e) is validating her decision to ditch you, and entrenching it, and helping her get over the break-up and move on.

 

5. Important - You do not want to "remind her the guy she fell for in the past" . He shoved her and she drop kicked him out of the park. *That guy.

 

6. What you should be doing is working on self improvement, while you do not contact her and do not ask her out, and don't shove it in her face or tell her about it. She'll notice.

 

7. If she ever is interested in dating the new improved you, she'll let you know, but not enough time has passed or improvement been made for that to happen, by the sound of it.

 

Edit: *quoting reinvent from your other thread:

 

That guy . .The one that crowded her space, didn't honor her requests, didn't contribute to household, pushed her, smothered her, chased her and scared her. . .is the only guy she knows.

You'd be hard pressed to convince her you could be anyone different.

That guy. . she doesn't want to be with.

Leave her be.

[Wiseman2]

After she kicked him out for physically abusing her he wanted to know if flirty texts would "re-attract" her. A hardcore abuser doesn't change.

Show her you respect her wishes.

[RicBoy]

No, no, no, no ,no. No.

 

What you see as a "sign" may just be her stringing you along. Or nothing but a misinterpretation by you.

 

You appear to not be understanding something multiple responders have been saying: Do not use the kid hand-overs as some sort of weapon to try and get her back.

 

I'll spell out why:

 

1) You shoved her physically and its a long way back from there, probably too far, but leave it alone and give it time.

 

2) She has told you she is not interested, more than once.

 

3) You continuing in breaking no contact, and asking her out -

 

(a) is contrary to her stated wishes

 

(b) looks weak and needy

 

© is unattractive

 

(d) is transparent, and she'll think you are an idiot.

 

(e) is validating her decision to ditch you, and entrenching it, and helping her get over the break-up and move on.

 

5. Important - You do not want to "remind her the guy she fell for in the past" . He shoved her and she drop kicked him out of the park. *That guy.

 

6. What you should be doing is working on self improvement, while you do not contact her and do not ask her out, and don't shove it in her face or tell her about it. She'll notice.

 

7. If she ever is interested in dating the new improved you, she'll let you know, but not enough time has passed or improvement been made for that to happen, by the sound of it.

 

Edit: *quoting reinvent from your other thread:

 

I didnt break no contact to ask her out. She reached out after a month of no contact because of the kids. I guess I broke it after 10 dsys of her dropping my kid off wishing her a happy new year. But I didn't ask her out in this ocasion

[RayRay63]

I didnt break no contact to ask her out.

 

They are not a combination item - to be clear, doing either of contacting her (at all, for any reason) OR asking her out is just driving her further away.

[RicBoy]

They are not a combination item - to be clear, doing either of contacting her (at all, for any reason) OR asking her out is just driving her further away.

 

I've always learnt if an ex reaches out assume she wants to see u ask her out. Having said that she reason she reached out after a month of NC was just because she truly wanted to pick up my kid to go play with her daughter and spend the night over her place. I shouldn't have asked her out. And certainly not ask her out of her reason for reaching out is the kid.

[boltnrun]

I've always learnt if an ex reaches out assume she wants to see u ask her out. Having said that she reason she reached out after a month of NC was just because she truly wanted to pick up my kid to go play with her daughter and spend the night over her place. I shouldn't have asked her out. And certainly not ask her out of her reason for reaching out is the kid.

 

Where did you hear that false information? From some online dating guru?

 

Obviously, you've found it's not true.

 

I hope you pay attention to the advice you've received and do not use the kids' get together as an excuse to try to hang around her or to ask her yet again for a date.

 

She's already told you no. Please respect that.

[RicBoy]

Where did you hear that false information? From some online dating guru?

 

Obviously, you've found it's not true.

 

I hope you pay attention to the advice you've received and do not use the kids' get together as an excuse to try to hang around her or to ask her yet again for a date.

 

She's already told you no. Please respect that.

 

Yeah she went for holday to some other city 2 weeks. I asked if she was up for a drink when she was back. She goes "I don't think it's a good idea, so probably not" - > I guess its a No.

 

I won't ask her out again. When she comes to pick up the kid on 3/4 weeks, I just come downstairs with the kid, nice to see u hi and bye.

[MaybeThen]

If you really cared about her you’d admit yourself into an extensive therapy program wherein you wouldn’t dream of contacting her until your therapist gave you a clean bill of health regarding your abusive and obsessive behaviors, and whatever other issues you aren’t presenting here. Honestly you’re scary and I worry for the next woman who crosses your path.

[RicBoy]

Can't believe she just reached out at 10pm asking if I have a book of hers lmao?

[Wiseman2]

So? It's a yes or no answer. Why read into it?

Can't believe she just reached out at 10pm asking if I have a book of hers lmao?

[RicBoy]

She texted me out of the blue "have you seen my book blablala?"...

[RayRay63]

So answer yes, if you have seen it, or no if you haven't.

 

Do not ask her out for coffee/drinks/dinner/anything.

[RicBoy]

Turn of events lmao. I answered in a funny way. I said to check in my drawer (I used to have a drawer with clothes at her place). She answered thanks

[RayRay63]

(I used to have a drawer with clothes at her place)

 

 

Why would you want to remind her that you once had a drawer you used there, back before you committed a criminal physical assault on her and she kicked you out?

 

"No sorry I haven't" would have been better.

[RicBoy]

I asked her for a drink, she said she is not interested in any kind of connection with me apart from the kids to see each other sometimes. I'm not gonna let my kid to go over again, no point to blend families with someone who doesn't even talk to me or wants to see me

[RayRay63]

I asked her for a drink,

 

............

[Wiseman2]

This is long overdue. It's a disgrace to use your child as romantic pawn.

I'm not gonna let my kid to go over again, no point to blend families with someone who doesn't even talk to me or wants to see me

[RicBoy]

She just called me. I had sent her 4 meses as a reply. She said "what do u want from me", I said "I want u"... She said that's not gonna happen again.. She said she was just calling she wants to have things good with me, she doesn't want to feel unsafe or so... Not sure what to make of this

[RayRay63]

This is long overdue. It's a disgrace to use your child as romantic pawn.

 

Except I don't think the stated reason that is the OP's motivation.

 

I think he is now hoping withdrawal of his son from this going to somehow influence his ex.

 

To lay it out, again, OP:

 

You physically assaulted her.

 

You are lucky you didn't go to jail.

 

She isn't coming back, anytime soon, if at all.

 

Get over it, move on.

[RayRay63]

She just called me. I had sent her 4 meses as a reply. She said "what do u want from me", I said "I want u"... She said that's not gonna happen again.. She said she was just calling she wants to have things good with me, she doesn't want to feel unsafe or so... Not sure what to make of this

 

If you still care about her, message this:

 

"OK, I understand. I will not contact you again."

 

Then delete her number and email. And block them.

 

If your son gets messages from her on his phone, take his phone, type a message telling her she does not have your permission to contact him, and block her there as well.

[Wiseman2]

Stop using your child as bait for your sex life. Stop being abusive to women and your child.

[MaybeThen]

I asked her for a drink, she said she is not interested in any kind of connection with me apart from the kids to see each other sometimes. I'm not gonna let my kid to go over again, no point to blend families with someone who doesn't even talk to me or wants to see me

 

How cruel and immature. But then again, all your behavior seems to be. But depriving your child of a friendship just because you aren't getting what you want? Really?

[boltnrun]

You said before you didn't see why your child should have to suffer the loss of the friendship just because you two aren't together anymore.

 

Now that she has said once and for all (in a way you finally believe) you two will never get back together you're mad and decide your child SHOULD suffer the loss of the friendship after all.

 

This was never about your child. It was always about you trying to get her back.

 

That's not OK.