Has anyone here not date for awhile due to financial reasons?

[Sportster2005]

On Match you can specify a preference for income. I've had many women specify an income of 75k. In this part of Canada that is a fair amount of money. Living costs are reasonable and 75 is a good wage. Median household in this province was 61k according to 2016 census.

 

I hid my income on Match because I don't think it's anyone's business until I get to know them. And quite frankly it's not my strong suite. I make O.K, but there's child support, some bad real estate investments etc. I look after myself and live a good quality of life.

 

I would often get an email from a woman who made more, and preferred her dating partner made the same or more. I would often say, "I would very much like to meet you, I think we would get along fine, but I will be upfront and say I don't meet your income criteria". In every single case they declined to continue talking. I've also many women in my social circles claim it's a deal breaker if the man doesn't make the same as them. I'm not trying to paint a picture whereby "women just want money". That's not true. But my experience is, it seems very important that men make the same as women.

 

With that information there's only so much you can do. Simply avoid any women who have a strict criteria for money. It's their prerogative. Just as it's a man's prerogative to date women that are healthy and lean. No one male or female should apologise for their preferences. I accepted that I would be ruled out by a lot of women based on my income. Even though my income is above the median. There simply isn't anything I can do about that. So I learned not to worry about it. I thought about ways to reduce debt and/or make more. But that's not who I am. I would rather spend precious time running, writing or doing other hobbies than working or worrying about money.

 

I have other strengths, and that's what I emphasised, and that's what I lead with.

 

To answer your question more directly, no, I never let financial reasons stop me from dating. I was unemployed once and still managed to date. I could tell by most women's body language, or direct language :) that this was a problem. Most didn't have a problem with it. I also agree with what many others have said. If you wait till you're ready you'll never get out there. Play the game of continuous improvement and keep on trucking.

 

Ultimately for me, fitness and confidence became my secret weapon. Especially in my age group. People tend to gravitate toward healthy, energetic fun people. Don't worry about the bank, get running/dancing/lifting/cycling/karate etc.....

[BeaTlesFan77]

To answer your question more directly, no, I never let financial reasons stop me from dating. I was unemployed once and still managed to date. I could tell by most women's body language, or direct language :) that this was a problem. Most didn't have a problem with it. I also agree with what many others have said. If you wait till you're ready you'll never get out there. Play the game of continuous improvement and keep on trucking.

 

My burning question is how did you deal or respond with her question of "What do you do for work/living?"?

[Batya33]

My burning question is how did you deal or respond with her question of "What do you do for work/living?"?

 

You say "I do [describe general area of work]. Then say "right now I am between projects and actively searching for a new assignment." I did date men who were temporarily unemployed as long as I knew why, and that they were actively looking for work. I did not date men who were not financially stable (I was, wanted the same) and I did date men whose income was lower than mine if they were financially stable. I don't think $ numbers really tell the whole story. Someone who works for a nonprofit is likely to make less and might have more job stability than, let's say, a day trader making big $ right now annually but who knows what next year will bring (or sales based only on commissions etc).

 

For 11 years before I got married and became a mom, and while I was single (sometimes in serious relationships including with my husband 3 years before we married)I saved my $ so that if I married someone who didn't make enough to be the sole provider during my longer maternity leave (which is what I always wanted) I could kick in $ from my savings to be the equivalent of contributing an income. Turned out I didn't need to do that but because I wanted to feel like I was contributing when I was home full time, I did it anyway. I add that because my wanting someone financially stable/employed/educated had nothing to do with being high maintenance or anything of the kind.

[BeaTlesFan77]

You say "I do [describe general area of work]. Then say "right now I am between projects and actively searching for a new assignment."

 

I can see how that would work. Great information. Thanks for sharing.

[Fudgie]

I agree with abitbroken, not sure why the car thing matters. My car just hit 10 years old and it's in good condition. If someone judged me for driving an older, owned outright car versus paying a high car not for a new one... pfft, I wouldn't even want to consider them for a date. That's not someone with good financial sense!

 

Why are you taking out these women to expensive dates/dinners? Meet for coffee and cheap dates for a while before you invest in them. You don't even know if they are worth your time yet.

[Sportster2005]

My burning question is how did you deal or respond with her question of "What do you do for work/living?"?

 

My answer was;

"I'm in I.T. currently looking for new opportunity. It pays well and is a great field for opportunity."

One gal wanted to know more;

"I can pay the bills and am not worried."

 

We went on a few dates. She decided she couldn't get past me having younger children. Hers were grown and moved away. I believe her because she stated from day one it might be a problem.

 

I get the anxiety. It hampered my dating. Especially the few months I was unemployed. I really didn't have to date when I was unemployed. I almost did it out of challenge. May not be a good reason, but it helped me grow and learn. It solidified the fact you have to approach each woman individualistically. There's a range. Some women want to, and seek rich men. I have a couple of those friends. They are married to wealthy men and enjoy a good life. There are women that only want that you can look after yourself, and don't want the burden of caring for another adult. Then there's somewhere in between where you will probably find most women, and men. Money is a concern, but it isn't everything. And I think it's a reasonable concern.

 

I also think women ask about what you do because it's a good ice breaker, and it tells a lot about you. You can look at this as an opportunity. Speak about what you do very positively. Relate some things you are especially good at in your job. Talk nicely about co-workers and tell funny stories. At the end of the day the number one indicator of dating success is attitude. It took me years to figure that out and learn. When I changed my outlook from "women are so picky and unfair" to "I love women, dating is challenging there's lots of competition, I better work on my game and be the best me I can be." The added benefit is you start to enjoy life and feel more confident. When I started generally being fitter and happier I had no problems.

[kim42]

If you take a woman out on a date, it does not have to be a dinner. I don’t like dinner dates for first meetings, I prefer simple things, coffee, tea – if things go wrong and you don’t click with someone, it’s easier to end the date. You can always go to a museum/gallery, or even for a walk. It could be a temporary solution until you are financially stable, just wanted to say you don’t have to give up on dating.

[saluk]

You live in an affluent area. Such areas are going to have a lot of people in your situation who have a hard time making ends meet, and accordingly a hard time dating because when you are trying to make ends meet, it tends to add things like anxiety and depression that don't make it easy to have a positive attitude. And then you are going to have a lot of affluent people, a good percentage of which are going to put importance on things like driving a nice car, eating fancy food, and living in a nice apartment.

 

If you wish to continue trying to date, try to focus on what you can bring to the table rather than what you can't. See if you can adjust your approach or your profile to seek out others who are on your level rather than those who would look down on you for your situation. And obviously keep working on the making ends meet part to see if you can improve your situation. Not for your dating potential - just for you, to make your life better.