Girlfriend never includes me in decisions

[katrina1980]

 

... and also stays because she is "hot."

 

Yup, agree.

 

Sorry OP, and jmo, but it would appear your brain is in your d***, instead of your head, unfortunately.

 

Otherwise you'd just walk, or maybe not.

 

Who knows but I do think her "hotness" is a big part of this.

[Hollyj]

I think we're in agreement here on the big picture, just not in the definition of "doormat."

 

He is not just "excusing" her past trauma, but he's drawn to it, compelled by it. All that is hot to him, just like the shape of her body.

 

It's active, whereas a "doormat" is a more passive stance.

 

Do I think it's healthy? No. But there's a difference between being "walked on" and choosing someone to walk all over you. He's too smart and aware not to realize he is actively making a choice.

Someone who sticks arounds and allows themselves to be disrespected is a doormat-(my thinking). Clearly, therapy and his speaking out has made no difference. Bottom line, he is allowing a lot of bad behavior.

[ThatwasThen]

Some say “run the hell away.” If I do, I am running from a person who is wonderful, cares deeply about others, hasn’t had a break in life, and is effed up beyond belief. I was aware of all of this from the very beginning and asked myself what kind of person I would be if I deemed her undeserving of a chance at a good relationship and genuine love. And she’s hot. So here I am.

So why are you here then, I must ask? She isn't going to change, you know who she is, you knew who she was before you committed to her the way you have. The only thing left to do is for YOU to learn how to actually accept all the things you know about her and instead of trying to change her while failing at it, you adjust your inner narrative to not want any control in any decision making. Its either that, or you feel that gnawing mind fk that not being in control about anything, ad nauseum.

 

I suggest you get personal therapy to help you to learn to accept the hot mess that she can be while she deflects her own issues back at you because you have zero chance of changing her but you CAN change you and how you react to not being heard.

[Hollyj]

So why are you here then, I must ask? She isn't going to change, you know who she is, you knew who she was before you committed to her the way you have. The only thing left to do is for YOU to learn how to actually accept all the things you know about her and instead of trying to change her while failing at it, you adjust your inner narrative to not want any control in any decision making. Its either that, or you feel the gnawing mind fk that not being in control about anything, ad nauseum.

 

I suggest you get personal therapy to help you to learn to accept the hot mess that she can be because you have zero chance of changing her but you CAN change you and how you react to not being heard.

 

Deleted.......

[smackie9]

Keep your peace: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

You can't change her so just accept it and let it go. Maybe that is what you need to do..."change" you, not her.