Threesoms, planning on having one soon,

[Niamh D]

im planning on having a threesom with my boyfriend and another girl when we find the right one.

he says i can decide, and he wont actually have sex with her cuz it too intimate, which i think is good and fair.

my question tho is, from ppl who have done this, will it change our relationship? we are really in love and i believe he is my soul mate, but after a threesom do things feel different?

[Tylersbabigurl]

Well sweetheart I think if he loved you he wouldnt even be thinking about touching another girl...was it his idea or your idea for this 3 some?...let me let you in on a little secrete my friend Garrett was dating this girl and they had talked about having a 3 some with her bestfriend and when they had the 3 some she had found out later that they had already been having sex b4 the 3 some...Garrett was always a person you could trust to, so just be careful!! Now him and the firl they had the 3 some with are together...Plus sometimes I think about doing that with my boyfriend and I think I only do it bcuz I think he wants to, but I mean you might want to now...but I dont think you will like to see anouther girl's hands on him...UI know I would'nt...But, some guys are trust worthy enough but in my opion I think you shuld'nt...Plus why does he need to have sex with anouther girl if he has you...Im sure you please him just fine...

[Day_Walker]

It seems to me that there are already problems even before the act occurs. You have to realize how you are going to deal with the situation, the emotions that are going to be brought up. In this case the 3some seems to be just more of a visual thing rather than sex. I would say that you have issues with him having sex with this other girl, just for those reasons alone you should consider not having a 3some. Both parties have to be able to handle all the implications of what happens in a threesome and in seems unproductive to have one in your case. Some couples are able to have threesomes and others are, either way you choose I believe it will be a learning experience for you.

[IntrepidFox]

I would suggest you not do it...for many reasons...but most importantly i feel it will change the dynamic of your relationship to were sex and issues of sex will take centre stage of your relationship dialogue...speaking from personal experience in which the girls initiated it...it would leave skeptical to where your partner's heart is...and what should happen in the heat of the moment he does pursue intercourse with this other girl...are you going to stop right there and have a pow wow?

[dj kittie b]

i was actually thinking of having a 3some with my b/f awhile back ago. he didnt want to have that cuz he didnt want to give his or my body away to someone. he didnt want that cuz i was only for him and vice versa. so he made a good point. if your man really loved you and you loved him you would basically be jeapordizing your relationship with jealousy. you might not think that right now but like u will in the mean time. having 3somes lead to jealously and an end. if he loved you so much he wouldent touch another girl because he would respect you enough not do that. if he wanted to have a 3some then that would probably mean that he is not satisfied with what he has. i dont think u should but that is my opinion. plus... there are a lot of dieased monkeys out there, watch out.

[someguy69]

You should only consider a threesome if you are secure in your relationship, and prepared to deal with any feelings of jealousy or perceived inadequacy should the arise.

[Hope75]

I have to agree with most of the other posters here that a threesome usually leads to trouble. Think about it, would you really like to see your boyfriend having sex with someone else right in front of your eyes?

 

The thought makes me ill, personally.

 

Also, I have friends who tried it and the guy of course ended up sleeping with the other girl alone and his gf ended up getting really hurt, IMO he was basically asking permission to cheat on her and she gave it by consenting to watch the first time.

 

Be careful here, it's a Pandora's box I believe should not be opened.

[RayKay]

Long after the threesome happens - the jealousy and insecurity often remains.

 

I would not advise you do it as it does not seem you are doing so for right reasons, and it will potentially negatively affect your relationship. Some things are best left a fantasy, especially when you have loved ones involved.

 

If you do decide to do so, be prepared that sometimes what you "plan" may not be what happens as the moment arises, and that afterwards things may change between the two of you and your feelings about relationship, him and yourself.

 

Personally I would be hurt if my partner willingly wanted a threesome (fantasizing is one thing...but reality another). Fortunately, I know he does not want to share me (or himself) with anyone other than me, and I like it that way!

[PAdreamer]

More often than not, people end up regretting their threesome experiences because it can feel weird afterwards, and it's not always the big fantasy they imagined. The advice I've heard has been to never engage in a threesome if you're in a relationship with one of the people involved.

 

I know that, for me, I'd constantly be wondering if the other person was better looking, more attractive, or a better performer than me. It would definitely alter my sex life.

[OceanEyes]

I am open-minded in this sense. Some couples are just more open to this type of thing. I've known couples who have threesomes on a regular basis, and it doesn't appear to have affected their relationships negatively. However, these are also very secure, warm, trusting individuals (and perhaps a bit on the adventurous side).

 

The important question: Do you really want to share your man?

 

If the two of you have talked openly and honestly about this, and are both very open minded and trusting people, then it might not be as bad as others have made it out to be. There is definitely a line between sex and real love and affection, and if you (or your man) finds it difficult to differentiate between the two, you're going to have problems.

 

Have you ever been prone to jealousy or insecurity? Do you and your boyfriend have a very open, loving, honest, and trust-based relationship? Even then, you may still notice after the act has taken place that things are different. The way you feel for him now may change, and vice versa. Are you willing to risk it for one night of sexual experimentation?

[1hotmomma]

I would hae to say from experience, that if you are going to do this then you need to pick someone who you are very comfortable with and you would trust with your life.

 

Oh, and thank you to all of you who stated thing like the man may go there again without you because after reading that I had dreams last night about my hubby and my bestfriend without me (even thoug I know deep down that it would never happen)

[Luciana]

The thought makes me ill, personally.

 

Me too. It is not a question of trust or feeling secure here, c'mon. If you really care for someone it is too painful to watch them having desire for someone else other than you. Now if you don't really care for your mate..it's another story.

[arwen]

I think that can really vary from person to person. There are surely people who are able to have open relationships in this respect- as long as you both have the same ideas, and know how you feel about each other, I wouldn't be the one to judge about it.

 

Personally, I really wouldn't like the idea, I think the image of my man being intimate with another woman wouldn't be easily erased, and it wouldn't be good for me.

 

Just really think these things through and be open to each other about it.

 

Ilse.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT139]

Threesoms are great!! (When they go well) I have been in this situation a few times in my past experiences and I have to say; when all goes well, it is a hell of a lot of fun! But in my experience, this is a VERY sensitive situation. My advice would be that if you are involved in a threesome situation it needs to be because YOU want to be there, that it is turning you on........ DO NOT DO IT JUST TO MAKE ANYONE ELSE HAPPY. I have had threesomes that have been WONDERFULL. I have also been in situations where it just didn't work for me and I wasn't comfortable at all and that is where it needs to stop. Emotions often come into play that you never even expect so just go into hoping that your partner will understand.

[rocio]

Who suggested this - you or him? Is it truly something you`d like to try? If so, I think you should go ahead and try it. You`re still young. There`s still lots of time for you to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. There are couples out there who are happy and secure in their relationships, and are able to integrate open intimacy. You need to find the lifestyle that`s right for you. Strangers on a forum can`t know what`s right for you.

[addictedblue]

How do you think you'll feel if you see him touching another girl and another girl touching him? That would make me shudder!! However if you must my advice is to at least find a girl less attractive than yourself.

[Spugly Fuglet]

I did it once with a GF and her room mate and yes it dos change things,

we split up soon after, for me it just did not feel right but for others.

[kitty714]

I just had my first one now, and im ok with it. ive been planning it for years but it was hard to get a girl to accept. I liked it and so did my husband I came up with the idea,and I looked for the girl. Only thing is that throughout the whole experience I kept comparing myself to her and it kinda hurts when you think she does something better than you, but it was all nice Ill be back in a month to give an update on my relationship.

[Callacova]

I don't think debauchery will positively affect your relationship...

[perth_man87]

I couldn't do it inside of a relationship- outside maybe but god it would bring up so many relationship issues... My ex used to want to have a threesome with another guy and I hated any thought of it. I wouldn't even feel comfortable if it was another girl I was having sex with either it would just feel so wrong.

 

I just can't recommend it at all in your case OP. If you and your partner eventually break up and you are considering it in a future situation then I would say go for it right away with no reservations.