Why do people do this?

[katrina1980]

Every RL "breaks up" until you find the one that doesn't. Some people never find it.

 

When it ends, all you can do is learn from the experience and treasure the positive memories.

 

Dwelling on the negative serves no worthwhile purpose imo and only keeps you stuck and prevents you from truly forgiving, letting go and moving on.

 

Speaking from experience.

[ahd15]

I want to ask a question to everyone responding to this. What makes you look on your phone or computer or whatever and to read, analyze, and respond?

I just feel like everyone is so stuck in their own lives and desires that they rarely come to places to share their feelings. I work, I volunteer, and I try to date, but I don’t seem to find my way back here unless it’s an unwanted dating situation. I wish I came here for a different reason.

It’s not a passive aggressive question. I volunteer to help people but it’s an organization. You guys take on a one on one level. What makes you do it?

[KittenLittle]

I want to ask a question to everyone responding to this. What makes you look on your phone or computer or whatever and to read, analyze, and respond?

I just feel like everyone is so stuck in their own lives and desires that they rarely come to places to share their feelings. I work, I volunteer, and I try to date, but I don’t seem to find my way back here unless it’s an unwanted dating situation. I wish I came here for a different reason.

It’s not a passive aggressive question. I volunteer to help people but it’s an organization. You guys take on a one on one level. What makes you do it?

 

Had a thought after seeing your original post where you talked about being in bed with women so many times and they say that they are happy you are there. Yet, you felt that it was too soon to say such things. So, why not wait until you DO have strong feelings for a woman BEFORE sleeping with her? Seems like you keep putting the cart before the horse and still expect different results.

[figureitout23]

I want to ask a question to everyone responding to this. What makes you look on your phone or computer or whatever and to read, analyze, and respond?

I just feel like everyone is so stuck in their own lives and desires that they rarely come to places to share their feelings. I work, I volunteer, and I try to date, but I don’t seem to find my way back here unless it’s an unwanted dating situation. I wish I came here for a different reason.

It’s not a passive aggressive question. I volunteer to help people but it’s an organization. You guys take on a one on one level. What makes you do it?

 

It IS a passive aggressive question....

 

What makes you post in riddles when you clearly want to talk about a specific girl and a specific occurrence?

 

What’s making you do this?

 

What’s the benefit to getting advice that’s broad and assuming?

[ahd15]

It IS a passive aggressive question....

 

What makes you post in riddles when you clearly want to talk about a specific girl and a specific occurrence?

 

What’s making you do this?

 

What’s the benefit to getting advice that’s broad and assuming?

 

Why say that it is when I say it’s not?

Thank you either way. I don’t need an answer I just sometimes feel bad that I’m here only when I have an issue and it makes me feel very selfish. I like to learn and be better.

Thank you for the time you guys take to talk! I wish I can be there for someone like this as well.

[Wiseman2]

It's ok to be disappointed when a nice situation doesn't continue/pan out. At least she was upfront, no drama and didn't waste your time.

She told me she wanted to feel more towards me but she didn’t and that’s fair.

[ahd15]

It's ok to be disappointed when a nice situation doesn't continue/pan out. At least she was upfront, no drama and didn't waste your time.

 

Well said!

[ahd15]

The more I think about it, the more I know I shouldn’t. Honestly it almost boils down to this-

I think it was a case of fear. I did everything that made her smile and it seems like, at least from how she acted around me, that I was someone that she just wasn’t quite ready to let in. After her break up and her ex keeping something they shared mutually, I feel like I was just too much too soon. From things she said to how she acted I could tell she didn’t see herself the way I saw her. I didn’t know that so I did what felt right but like I said, it probably felt like it was too much to her.

I even told her at one point during our frenefits period, that I thought that if she saw herself the way I saw her we wouldn’t be in this weird limbo. She agreed.

At the end though she said that she felt a little more than fwb with me so she didn’t want to continue it because something wasn’t there and she didn’t know why she felt that way and it would just continue. So she went on a date and I haven’t talked to her since although we are still technically able to talk and see each other through social media or phone.

There was a point in time where I thought I was too nice and that’s why she’s backed off. The truth is I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t showering her with gifts or anything. I can’t pinpoint 5 things I did that I should’ve gotten a reaction to. I can pinpoint doing things even when I knew we were going to expire because it felt right.

The sex alone would be enough to make us want to keep seeing each other, and we did, but after all I think it was a little more for both of us and she didn’t know how to juggle the pressure of her recent heartbreak and hurting me in the process. Not really anything I did, which is an inevitable thought in these situations. I would be so much happier if she found someone that treats her better or the same as I wanted to and she felt the same towards them. If it’s me down the road that’s awesome. First though I think we both need to treat ourselves better. I should stop worrying about “what I did wrong” and she needs to make herself happy before she lets someone else in. Relationships may end but if if you’re not contempt within yourself, you’ll feel so much more broken than you did when you went in. I still do from time to time, clearly, but I’m getting better.

[MissCanuck]

I don't see that you did anything wrong, either, necessarily. And when a mature and reasoable woman is into you, it's hard to be "too nice." The right woman is going to appreciate your kindness and reciprocate. It honestly just sounds to me like she was on the rebound from her ex.

 

How long did you date her, and how long before that had she broken up with him?

[ahd15]

I don't see that you did anything wrong, either, necessarily. And when a mature and reasoable woman is into you, it's hard to be "too nice." The right woman is going to appreciate your kindness and reciprocate. It honestly just sounds to me like she was on the rebound from her ex.

 

How long did you date her, and how long before that had she broken up with him?

 

We met about a month after her relationship ended with him being the one to call it off. We dated for a month and did the other dance for about a month and a half.

She told me that the last year of their relationship was full of fights so she was relieved it was over. It was a 4 year relationship.

I went along with the benefits thing and promised her a clean break so I don’t plan on breaking that promise but I miss her. I don’t really know what I could’ve done differently. I know I would’ve liked to do more for her and with her. I’m also not convinced she’s totally happy breaking it off with me but that’s irrelevant.

[bluecastle]

Well, anyone a month out of a four year relationship is going to be a mess. Maybe they don't come across like a mess. Still, they are a mess. There's just no way around that. Doesn't matter if the relationship was a nightmare—it takes real time to move on, to untangle yourself from that mess.

[ahd15]

Well, anyone a month out of a four year relationship is going to be a mess. Maybe they don't come across like a mess. Still, they are a mess. There's just no way around that. Doesn't matter if the relationship was a nightmare—it takes real time to move on, to untangle yourself from that mess.

 

Unfortunately I agree. I told her that too during the whole thing. We had all of these discussions.

I left it in the best place I could. I left the door open but I can’t be around waiting for her.

[bluecastle]

It happens.

 

People coming out of relationships are oddly very appealing. They're vulnerable, raw, craving connection and support. In that state there can be the illusion of fast intimacy—or not even the illusion, really, but a kind of intimacy that isn't sustainable.

 

Because if you're being used (not maliciously, but subconsciously) as a salve to pain then what happens when that pain doesn't go away is that you become just another thing stirring it.

 

And, yeah, you kind of saw all this, or the potential for all this, and that's part of what's frustrating right now. You caught feelings for someone whose feelings are too jumbled to reciprocate.

[ahd15]

It happens.

 

People coming out of relationships are oddly very appealing. They're vulnerable, raw, craving connection and support. In that state there can be the illusion of fast intimacy—or not even the illusion, really, but a kind of intimacy that isn't sustainable.

 

Because if you're being used (not maliciously, but subconsciously) as a salve to pain then what happens when that pain doesn't go away is that you become just another thing stirring it.

 

And, yeah, you kind of saw all this, or the potential for all this, and that's part of what's frustrating right now. You caught feelings for someone whose feelings are too jumbled to reciprocate.

 

It sounds like the “connection” factor she said she was missing was me not being able to get rid of her pain. That’s why she’s back out looking and dating again.

 

I almost feel like I’ll hear from her again. It’s a toss up whether I want to or not.

 

I can’t lie the sexual chemistry was so good. I would do it again but it would only be if we are both on the same page. I feel like we were on the same page but not in the same mind state.

[ahd15]

After saying good bye she comments on a post of mine.

I don’t understand.

[figureitout23]

After saying good bye she comments on a post of mine.

I don’t understand.

 

Luckily, its not your responsibility to understand.

 

She made her choice ( i think? still not sure what you're saying) she still wants to hang around its most likely for the ego boost.

 

You have the power to cut her off. Block button can be a very powerful tool in healing.

 

One day at a time, right now space will help.

[ahd15]

Luckily, its not your responsibility to understand.

 

She made her choice ( i think? still not sure what you're saying) she still wants to hang around its most likely for the ego boost.

 

You have the power to cut her off. Block button can be a very powerful tool in healing.

 

One day at a time, right now space will help.

 

She’s got plenty of ego boosts. I’m not disagreeing with you it’s just what I’m thinking.

You’re right she did make her choice. We haven’t talked for almost 5 days.

I’m not super distraught about it just curious. I don’t have any animosity toward her or how it ended.

[bluecastle]

Here's something I ask myself whenever I get into the spins where I'm trying to decode a woman's intentions behind social media activity: Do I really want to be a man gauging what a woman is really thinking or feeling about me based on social media?

 

The answer, every time, is a resounding no.

 

Stay strong, breathe into this space, let the feelings come and go.

 

Hard truth: no one's wedding speeches ever touch on that moment when they thought it was all over until someone commented on a social media post.

 

This is just emotional exhaust, burning off.

[Wiseman2]

Friendzoning. Very common after breakups.

[ahd15]

Friendzoning. Very common after breakups.

 

Maybe. I didn’t ask to be friends. As a matter of fact I pointed out that we can’t be friends without sex. I think her and I both know that if we stay friends, there will still be that physical chemistry and we would act on it.

Maybe she was feeding her ego to see how I’d react to her “attention.” If I delete or block her it would seem like I’m hurt and I truly believe she didn’t want to hurt me.

I am hurt but not by her. My biggest upset here is that I’m dwelling on this way too much which tells me I have some work to do on my self confidence. I think her and I both do. She would get red when I told her she’s beautiful. She was at the brink of being uncomfortable and told me she wasn’t used to that.

I promise everyone reading this, that I’m super disappointed, but I don’t say or do things I don’t mean, and I certainly don’t say or do things with an expectation to get something in return. I meant everything I said to her and I hope that she finds a partner who sees her how I see her and she feels the same towards them.

Most of all I hope she sees herself that way first.