Keep having the same fight for 2 years...

[cgregsweeney]

Law enforcement that have to repeatedly show up to nuisance calls made by neighbors to the same place are not therapists, nor are they there to be polite. They are there to respond to the complaint and decide if an arrests need to be made.

 

Again, neighbors only called once. All the other times it was him. And we moved several times in the past 2 years, so they at most came twice to the same place.

 

And while they aren’t there to be polite, it should go without saying that they ought to be respectful unless the situation calls for otherwise.

 

The cops that came on that one occasion were incredibly and needlessly rude to me specifically because I was disabled and unemployed saying things like “It’s not like you’re in a wheelchair” and “You’re just lazy and want everything to be done for you.” when I explained why leaving the situation was difficult.

 

And nobody is expecting them to be therapists, so I don’t know why you’re saying that. But they should be specially trained to deal with mentally ill people.

 

Look, honestly? I don’t want to talk to you anymore. You’re being kind of callous and grating, and that’s really not helpful and certainly not what I joined this site to deal with. Not to be confrontational or anything, I just think it’d be best if this is the last interaction we have.

[Capricorn3]

The cops that came on that one occasion were incredibly and needlessly rude to me specifically because I was disabled and unemployed saying things like “It’s not like you’re in a wheelchair” and “You’re just lazy and want everything to be done for you.”

I must admit, I find that very difficult to believe. I imagine there's a lot more to the story which we haven't heard.

[Capricorn3]

Well, then be peaceful, considerate neighbors and get your acts together. Together or individually. Learn to deal with conflict without resorting to violence and disturbing the peace. Neither of you are the victims here. It's the neighbors and wasting law enforcement resources on ridiculous drama like locking each other out or making loud rackets to annoy each other.

 

I second this post.

[No1]

To me it sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a chicken to tell you. So he treats you bad in hopes that you leave. It would make him look bad to kick you out or break up with you, so he is sabotaging the relationship so you say Im done and you leave.

Instead of trying to figure out how to save or salvage the relationship, figure out how to be on your own or get help to get out of the current situation

[cgregsweeney]

I must admit, I find that very difficult to believe. I imagine there's a lot more to the story which we haven't heard.

 

You find it difficult to believe that when I told the officer why it’s so difficult for me to leave the situation (because I’m largely dependent on him for transportation, for covering the costs of food and rent, etc) that he would say these things?

 

Have you ever been permanently disabled and dependent on a partner? I’m guessing not.

 

To me it sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a chicken to tell you. So he treats you bad in hopes that you leave. It would make him look bad to kick you out or break up with you, so he is sabotaging the relationship so you say Im done and you leave.

Instead of trying to figure out how to save or salvage the relationship, figure out how to be on your own or get help to get out of the current situation

 

No. I’ve tried to leave multiple times. I found a place, a person to help me, everything.

 

This is when he tries his hardest to hold on to me.

 

But you’re right. There’s no point trying to salvage this relationship.

[Honeycomb8]

Find a job. He doesn't respect you because you're way too dependent on him. It's toxic and this should have ended ages ago.

 

You only have yourself to blame for staying

[IAmFCA]

sometimes simplicity is hepful. You chose the title.

 

My mother would say

 

It takes two people to have a fight.

 

Address your part in this dynamic. You're responsible for yourself.

[cgregsweeney]

Find a job. He doesn't respect you because you're way too dependent on him. It's toxic and this should have ended ages ago.

 

You only have yourself to blame for staying

 

M’kay. So I’m done with this type of victim shaming/ableism. I came here for understanding and help, not judgement and apathy.

 

Sometimes simplicity is helpful. You chose the title.

 

My mother would say

 

It takes two people to have a fight.

 

Address your part in this dynamic. You're responsible for yourself.

 

My grandmother would say “If you’re having trouble with everyone around you, the issue is probably you.”

 

Then she’d meet the people I was having trouble with, and her language regarding them was...colorful, to say the least.

 

Of course after she’d always forget, and the next person I had issue with she’d immediately think I was probably doing something wrong- that tended to be her default attitude. Then she’d meet them. Rinse, wash, repeat.

 

Yes. I stayed. I gave too many chances. At times I retaliated in immature ways. I own that.

 

But this is NOT a “It takes two to tango” situation. It just isn’t.

[Seraphim]

I hope you are able to get disability and a place to live. My son is Autistic and receives permanent disability. He lives with us. He also has no ability to work due to poor executive functioning. Sometimes people don’t realize people can be differently impacted on the spectrum and work can be impossible for those with lower support needs as well.

[cgregsweeney]

FYI, I am staying with someone else right now.

 

It’s one of the people I had intended to move out with before, but didn’t because I was convinced to stay.

 

I had thought the bridge burned, but reached out anyway. I can not express in words the simple overpowering relief I feel right now.

 

My issues are far from over, but for the time being I count myself fortunate.

 

The person helping me out right now needs plenty of help himself though, so I’m doing my best to reciprocate.

 

I’m also doing my best to not allow myself to be swayed by my (now) ex-boyfriend. As is usual for him, the moment he knew I was serious about leaving he suddenly “understood” all the ways he was disrespectful to me and all the things I had been trying to convey suddenly made sense.

 

I’m done buying the “sudden epiphany” act. He’s used it numerous times before.

 

It sucks, because he knows it’s everything that I want to hear. I want to believe it. I want to have hope. I want our relationship to finally work and have these root issues finally resolved.

 

But I know what happened last time and the time before...

 

I had hoped to find moral support here, but I feel like not enough people understand the unique struggles faced by LGBT persons with disabilities.

[cgregsweeney]

I hope you are able to get disability and a place to live. My son is Autistic and receives permanent disability. He lives with us. He also has no ability to work due to poor executive functioning. Sometimes people don’t realize people can be differently impacted on the spectrum and work can be impossible for those with lower support needs as well.

 

I receive SSI (about 750 per month, little more with the recent cost of living adjustment) and am my own payee thankfully.

 

It’s not really enough to get by on (I can’t even get into a studio apartment, because they usually have some sort of minimum income requirement like x3 the rent or something, so even if I could technically afford the rent I don’t qualify) but it’s better than nothing.

 

And yeah, it’s hard being high functioning, because most people don’t even believe you’re actually ill, let alone SMI.

 

In most scenarios you “seem normal”.

[Seraphim]

I am so so so glad you have found a safe place. That is awesome. Pls don’t be swayed. You deserve to be safe and valued.

[cgregsweeney]

Just an update, for those who might care.

 

The living arrangement didn’t work out. The person who took me in came down with a mutated form of the flu, and it apparently nearly killed him. I had left for a couple days to gather some things from my ex’s apartment, and by the time I was ready to head back I was told not to.

 

Apparently the doctor wanted him to be “quarantined” for a few weeks. Then he was hospitalized, and he had some “friends” watch his apartment while he was in there. Those friends apparently trashed his place badly enough that he received an eviction notice. He’s apparently going to be staying with his mother for awhile...

 

So now I’m stuck here again. Living with my ex. So far things have been peaceful, but there’s already been a few close calls. Naturally I’m on the lookout for other places to stay.

 

And that’s about it. *sigh*