I looked up his ex & now he wants nothing to do with me. (Essay sorry)

[Wiseman2]

How long were you dating him? How often did you see each other in person? How long after his breakup did you start dating?

 

This is the closure. Do not "seek the truth". In this case, it's a fools errand. Something is obviously up so just bow out gracefully and delete and block him and this "ex" gf.

He mentioned her name every now and then and when me and him became friends on fb I looked through his profile because that's what I do when I accept someone. And there was only a couple of bits he'd been tagged in with her a few years before. So I literally typed her name into another social media site, what a mistake that was!

[Jessicajay]

How long were you dating him? How often did you see each other in person? How long after his breakup did you start dating?

 

This is the closure. Do not "seek the truth". In this case, it's a fools errand. Something is obviously up so just bow out gracefully and delete and block I him and this "ex" gf.

 

A year next month, we'd always said we'd see how it goes and it was going great well I thought it was. We saw each other a few times not a lot due to us working away but always texted or called each other which seemed to work well. I believe he was single for 2 years when we started hanging out and eventually seeing each other.

 

Yeah something definitely is, I know I've sent some pretty full on messages but at the time I was hurting, but he wasn't and isn't the slightest bit fussed clearly.

[DancingFool]

I just always try and see the best in people and like to think they're not the same.

 

But yeah you're right.

Also if he was that genuinely concerned about me he'd be talking to me now instead of ignoring my message which was sent before I went to work at 7 this morning. He's clearly not remotely bothered about my feelings. If I'd reacted the way he did then I'd be apologising by now saying I was overreacting or that I just needed a couple of days but I'd be in touch soon. Things are slowly making sense now I just want him to be honest with me about it. I respect honesty more than anything and right now i have no respect for him in the slightest.

 

Im so annoyed at myself I've had a few opportunities to go on dates with other guys but always brushed it off because of the things he was filling in my head. When really I could have been out enjoying my time with someone else.

 

Sorry OP, but perhaps it's time for you to start being more honest with yourself. This isn't about seeing the best in people at all costs, this is about you ignoring red flags, projecting what you want onto that person, and also drinking whatever cool aid the guy is willing to give you, because you personally simply want to believe. In a way it's living in fantasy land rather than looking with open eyes and dealing objectively with reality.

 

If you take a good look at yourself and sort yourself out, I think you'll find that the next guy you date will be much better and you'll be less likely to put up with bs or blame yourself for someone's unacceptable behavior or otherwise get lost in sweet talk.

 

The truth is not something that comes from this guy, it's within yourself.

[SherrySher]

I too think it has more to do with the fact that he didn't want his ex thinking he had a crazy girlfriend so dropped you as quickly as he could.

The reason why that makes more sense to me is because as you said, he seems to be critical of things other people do that he feels is wrong, etc.

I doubt he'd ever want anyone to have something to hold over him.

 

Either way, he just proved to you what you meant to him. He'd rather drop you like a stone, than to have anyone think badly of him.

 

You're best to stay away from him. It's better you found out now rather than down the road and more wasted time.

It sounds like you were walking on egg shells even if you didn't know it.

[Jessicajay]

Thanks guys, this forum is kinda helping me right now. He read my message but no reply which I knew would happen anyway.

[milly007]

Haven’t read all the posts here, so not sure if this has been said/asked: Curious to know what site this was that you were looking at OP...Was it Insta?

 

Most profiles can be set to private if you don’t want anyone looking at your profile. If the ex girlfriend didn’t want anyone peeking, why keep the profile open for anyone and everyone to look.

 

Holy drama. This guy needs to chill out. So does the ex gf. Sheesh.

 

Whatever his issue is, it’s not your problem - it’s his.

 

You didn’t do anything wrong.

 

Guy’s making a big deal out of notta.

 

Can’t imagine how he reacts when dealing with real problems.

[Jessicajay]

Haven’t read all the posts here, so not sure if this has been said/asked: Curious to know what site this was that you were looking at OP...Was it Insta?

 

Most profiles can be set to private if you don’t want anyone looking at your profile. If the ex girlfriend didn’t want anyone peeking, why keep the profile open for anyone and everyone to look.

 

Holy drama. This guy needs to chill out. So does the ex gf. Sheesh.

 

Whatever his issue is, it’s not your problem - it’s his.

 

You didn’t do anything wrong.

 

Guy’s making a big deal out of notta.

 

Can’t imagine how he reacts when dealing with real problems.

 

Yeah it was Insta I'm not sure if I may have accidentally clicked follow or liked one of her pics.

 

I know and now that's why I think there's more to it. Things are slowly adding up now and it's making more sense. Nobody would react that way without a reason, very over dramatic. It's the way he said I contacted her. When looking at someone's profile to me is looking. Contacting is sending a message and I know for definite I did not do that.

 

Just a shame he can't be 100% and tell the truth.

[milly007]

Yeah it was Insta I'm not sure if I may have accidentally clicked follow or liked one of her pics.

 

I know and now that's why I think there's more to it. Things are slowly adding up now and it's making more sense. Nobody would react that way without a reason, very over dramatic. It's the way he said I contacted her. When looking at someone's profile to me is looking. Contacting is sending a message and I know for definite I did not do that.

 

Just a shame he can't be 100% and tell the truth.

 

I’m guessing he wants to maintain a certain image in the eyes of his ex.

 

Do you know if she broke up with him, or vice versa?

 

Either way, for some reason, he cares what the ex thinks.

 

He isn’t being honest with you as to why he’s upset because he knows his reasons will sound silly, maybe make him sound insecure, and will reveal more about him and his ex and his thought process than he would care to admit.

[Jessicajay]

I’m guessing he wants to maintain a certain image in the eyes of his ex.

 

Do you know if she broke up with him, or vice versa?

 

Either way, for some reason, he cares what the ex thinks.

 

He isn’t being honest with you as to why he’s upset because he knows his reasons will sound silly, maybe make him sound insecure, and will reveal more about him and his ex and his thought process than he would care to admit.

 

From what a remember rightly it was him that ended it because he mentioned once that she kept checking his phone and Facebook messages even though she never found anything she was still doing it and he was fed up of not being trusted. I never once felt the need to look at his phone.

 

So I don't know how me looking up his ex is such a massive deal but yet he's jumped to her defence even though she used to check up on him constantly. They haven't been friends on fb for a while but now they are again, so I'm getting the feeling that they've been talking for a bit and now he's dropped me it's the perfect chance to be friends with her on there and if not more because I'm not on the scene now. I dont honestly remember clicking anything on her page not even on her photos so I don't know how she knows I've looked. I did kinda over think and thought maybe he just said it just to say what I would say back and now by saying I did look it was the perfect reason to get rid of me because he didn't know how else to do it. I'm more than sure they'll end up back together & if that happens it happens. Still hurts either way.

[DaisyMayPorter]

I just always try and see the best in people and like to think they're not the same.

 

But yeah you're right.

Also if he was that genuinely concerned about me he'd be talking to me now instead of ignoring my message which was sent before I went to work at 7 this morning. He's clearly not remotely bothered about my feelings. If I'd reacted the way he did then I'd be apologising by now saying I was overreacting or that I just needed a couple of days but I'd be in touch soon. Things are slowly making sense now I just want him to be honest with me about it. I respect honesty more than anything and right now i have no respect for him in the slightest.

 

Im so annoyed at myself I've had a few opportunities to go on dates with other guys but always brushed it off because of the things he was filling in my head. When really I could have been out enjoying my time with someone else.

 

Exactly! Go on other dates and forget about this lame jerk.

[Jewels465]

I feel like he has to be seeing the “ex” still. How would she have known to contact him when you looked at her profile. That’s ridiculous. Also, of course he hasn’t returned any of your messages and he probably won’t for a long while. He’s too busy doing damage control right now.

[figureitout23]

Nevermind, you’re in track it seems. Good for you.

[Jessicajay]

I feel like he has to be seeing the “ex” still. How would she have known to contact him when you looked at her profile. That’s ridiculous. Also, of course he hasn’t returned any of your messages and he probably won’t for a long while. He’s too busy doing damage control right now.

 

I think you're right as well you know, it's only if I clicked on something but I really don't think I did. Now I've openly admitted I looked it was the perfect response for him. He hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or deleted me on fb either. He's such a coward I'd rather be felt like rubbish with the truth.

[Jessicajay]

Nevermind, you’re in track it seems. Good for you.

 

I just feel so fed up today though, not sure if it's because I'm feeling under the weather too. Nobody should ever make someone feel this way :(

[DaisyMayPorter]

I think you're right as well you know, it's only if I clicked on something but I really don't think I did. Now I've openly admitted I looked it was the perfect response for him. He hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or deleted me on fb either. He's such a coward I'd rather be felt like rubbish with the truth.

 

I think you should delete and block him (and her). Get rid of these negative people from your life.

[Jewels465]

Jessicajay, hows it going now?