I looked up his ex & now he wants nothing to do with me. (Essay sorry)

[Jessicajay]

When I last saw him he mentioned that she'd be in touch because she went on holiday to a place that she'd always wanted to go but he hadn't and that she'd moved on with someone else so alarm bells didn't really ring to me then. Before all of this they weren't friends on fb but now they are (me stalking again ) I wish I'd been more open with him but it all felt so perfect at the time I didn't feel the need to be open about anything as everything seemed to be going great.

[MissCanuck]

When I last saw him he mentioned that she'd be in touch because she went on holiday to a place that she'd always wanted to go but he hadn't

 

That is strange to me. Why would she contact him about somewhere she'd always wanted to go? It has nothing to do with him, as far as I can tell.

 

I'm sorry OP, but the more you write, the more I suspect they've been reconnecting for a little while and he denied he was seeing anyone (you) until you checked her profile and she got word of it.

[Eliza50]

My gut would be telling me that he and his ex are still very much in contact, and you unwittingly blew his cover. She put two and two together and called him out.

 

That's what it feels like to me, too.

[Jessicajay]

I just feel so betrayed he always promised he'd be honest with me & he always seemed to be. Every guy I've met or had a thing with has hurt me and I always thought this one would be different because of the way he was, he told me that he despised any cheating and when he found out my friend had slept with a guy who had a gf he got on his high horse saying how wrong it was so that instantly made me think he was different. I am so gutted right now

[DaisyMayPorter]

If the ex is so trigger-happy with the contact, and he's so triggered by her contact, then those two have not finished their old business, and the guy isn't really dating material. If it wasn't this, it would be something else, including whatever he spoke about that prompted you to look up his ex.

 

That’s exactly what I was thinking. Why is she calling him right away when you look at her profile? How does she even know who you are/what you look like if you guys are long-distance? Why is she still in contact with her ex that she knows anything about you? I know people look at social media profiles all the time-sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose. How did she know you weren’t just some random person who stumbled upon her account? And what social media site tells you/alerts you when people look at your profile?

 

In all honesty, do you think that that is bad that you looked at this guy‘s ex’s profile? Everyone does that. Everyone. And the fact that he is getting mad at you obviously shows and that he is either 1) Somewhat verbally abusive or 2) he is still very much hung up on his ex (or maybe she’s not his ex) and it was only a matter of time before he was breaking up with you. I’m going to guess number two.

[pippy longstocking]

I actually don't think what you are all thinking ..but hey , that's why we have a forum to put out different opinions and as I am standing alone I suspect I am wrong lol

 

I just see him as being peeved his ex now knows he has an insecure g/friend and it is those reasons why , which is the mystery .

[DaisyMayPorter]

Also it’s one thing for the ex-girlfriend to mention it to him that you looked at her profile but then it’s another thing for him to call you and yell at you about it. He’s a jerk. Kick into the curb

[Jessicajay]

Absolute bloody mystery! I swear I'm cursed lol, never have any luck or it gets to a certain point & stuff goes wrong. Pippy_longstocking I like to think you're right but normally 9/10 out of ten it's always the opposite.

 

If he'd done that to my ex I'd be telling him 'look you've got nothing to worry about' and reassuring him rather than kicking off and sending his mind into overdrive like mine is right now.

 

I don't know if him ignoring me is him trying to teach me a lesson or I've made him that mad. Like we've all said it's 2018 we've all pretty much had a peek at someone's profile. I'd understand him flipping out like that if I slept with his friend or something else major. I even told him in his message that every girl does it. I bet she's done it loads of times!

[MissCanuck]

Absolute bloody mystery! I swear I'm cursed lol, never have any luck or it gets to a certain point & stuff goes wrong. Pippy_longstocking I like to think you're right but normally 9/10 out of ten it's always the opposite.

 

I agree with you, OP. I don't think this is just him being upset that his ex thinks you are insecure. He cares too much about her feelings, if that were the case.

[pippy longstocking]

I think it is because you did something to draw attention to the fact that you were on there looking . He aint worth this crap though darling ...I mean dumping you is more then a little extreme .

[pippy longstocking]

I agree with you, OP. I don't think this is just him being upset that his ex thinks you are insecure. He cares too much about her feelings, if that were the case.

 

well like I say ...I stand alone with my opinion , so usually that means I am wrong .

 

Didn't meant to quote you mrs ....can't be bothered to remove it now

[Jessicajay]

Like he used to say an ex is an ex for a reason clearly not in this case. And my feelings obviously don't matter in this situation he knows how insecure I am at times as well.

[MissCanuck]

I think it is because you did something to draw attention to the fact that you were on there looking . He aint worth this crap though darling ...I mean dumping you is more then a little extreme .

 

I complete agree with you here, Pippy.

[pippy longstocking]

Like he used to say an ex is an ex for a reason clearly not in this case. And my feelings obviously don't matter in this situation he knows how insecure I am at times as well.

 

It is all a bit ridiculous isn't it ...leave him to it ... I always think these little things are like a preview of things to come .

[Jessicajay]

I think it is because you did something to draw attention to the fact that you were on there looking . He aint worth this crap though darling ...I mean dumping you is more then a little extreme .

 

I'm always usually so careful though that's me told now though. Thank you, you'd think I'd committed murder yesterday

[Jessicajay]

It is all a bit ridiculous isn't it ...leave him to it ... I always think these little things are like a preview of things to come .

 

It is. Yeah perhaps so, I obviously don't matter as much as I thought I did. I'd just rather be hurt with the truth than a lie, I don't ask for much in life just trust, communication and honesty. They're my 3 main things, clearly too much for him to be able to manage.

[pippy longstocking]

It is. Yeah perhaps so, I obviously don't matter as much as I thought I did. I'd just rather be hurt with the truth than a lie, I don't ask for much in life just trust, communication and honesty. They're my 3 main things, clearly too much for him to be able to manage.

 

And those are 3 wondefful qaulities to give and to ask for ...don't you ever change .

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like them against you. They communicate, he takes her side and dumps you. LDRs are hard and there is a lot you may not have known. He sounds aligned with his "ex", not you. It sounds like it's over, not as though he's "teaching you some lesson".

 

It seems he was looking for a way out anyway and has been trying to get back with her all along. Perhaps your only purpose in his life was to attempt to make her jealous or get her back somehow.

I don't know if him ignoring me is him trying to teach me a lesson or I've made him that mad.

[Jessicajay]

And those are 3 wondefful qaulities to give and to ask for ...don't you ever change .

 

Thank you, it means a lot

[Jessicajay]

Unfortunately it sounds like them against you. They communicate, he takes her side and dumps you. LDRs are hard and there is a lot you may not have known. He sounds aligned with his "ex", not you. It sounds like it's over, not as though he's "teaching you some lesson".

 

It seems he was looking for a way out anyway and has been trying to get back with her all along. Perhaps your only purpose in his life was to attempt to make her jealous or get her back somehow.

 

Yeah maybe. That's what normally happens when it comes to guys and me. I did mention that yesterday and his response was I've told you everything not sure if he meant that about her or the conversation we'd had over messages.

 

Like he has said he gets on with his exes which I find odd as I can't be in the same room as any of mine lol

[Starlight925]

First of all, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Looking up your current boyfriend’s ex is, today, a very normal thing. Nearly everyone is on social media, so just by virtue of people you know, it’s almist inevitable that they would pop up somewhere.

 

Plus, what’s the big deal anyway, even if you did type her name to see her profile? Who cares? It’s just such a non-deal.

 

I agree with so much that’s been posted already:

—You caught him still having feeling for, or staying in contact with her

—He turned this against you as a means to deflect

—You are in an LDR, so you never really can be sure. Avoid LDR’s, period.

—His OTT reaction says more about him than you.

 

In short, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re painting yourself as “crazy”, which you are not. Please stop telling yourself that story. Write this guy off and mark it down to a bullet dodged.

[Wiseman2]

Did he talk about her a lot? How did you have enough info to look her up?

he has said he gets on with his exes

[DancingFool]

Problem with an LDR is that you don't get to know the person all that well. OP, you are focused very heavily on what he said, what promises he made....but here is the reality - he just pitched a fit and basically dumped you over something that is really a nothing that people do on a daily basis. Even if he is just giving you the silent treatment....that's actually abusive and you should decide for yourself not to let him back into your life after such nasty behavior toward you. You should never ever put up with that.

 

Also, please, stop telling yourself that you know much about him or that anything he told you about his ex is the truth. It's very obvious right now that nothing was truthful and LDR's are very very convenient for liars.

[Jessicajay]

Did he talk about her a lot? How did you have enough info to look her up?

 

He mentioned her name every now and then and when me and him became friends on fb I looked through his profile because that's what I do when I accept someone. And there was only a couple of bits he'd been tagged in with her a few years before. So I literally typed her name into another social media site, what a mistake that was!

[Jessicajay]

Problem with an LDR is that you don't get to know the person all that well. OP, you are focused very heavily on what he said, what promises he made....but here is the reality - he just pitched a fit and basically dumped you over something that is really a nothing that people do on a daily basis. Even if he is just giving you the silent treatment....that's actually abusive and you should decide for yourself not to let him back into your life after such nasty behavior toward you. You should never ever put up with that.

 

Also, please, stop telling yourself that you know much about him or that anything he told you about his ex is the truth. It's very obvious right now that nothing was truthful and LDR's are very very convenient for liars.

 

I just always try and see the best in people and like to think they're not the same.

 

But yeah you're right.

Also if he was that genuinely concerned about me he'd be talking to me now instead of ignoring my message which was sent before I went to work at 7 this morning. He's clearly not remotely bothered about my feelings. If I'd reacted the way he did then I'd be apologising by now saying I was overreacting or that I just needed a couple of days but I'd be in touch soon. Things are slowly making sense now I just want him to be honest with me about it. I respect honesty more than anything and right now i have no respect for him in the slightest.

 

Im so annoyed at myself I've had a few opportunities to go on dates with other guys but always brushed it off because of the things he was filling in my head. When really I could have been out enjoying my time with someone else.