Wants to "take things slow"

[MarahVilla]

So I met this guy. First date was beyond amazing. The few weeks after that were pretty amazing too. Everything was consistent. We talked constantly, planned outings, saw each other a few times a week and even introduced me to some of his friends. During a conversation about past bs we had to deal with, he brings up that he wants to take things slow with me. That's fine, I want to as well. At first we did stop talking and going out as much. He apologized for being distant and invited me out on a double date. It was fun, hes a great guy, but after that date, still our contact with each other was very weak. I would try to reach out, but could not keep a conversation going with him. Now it seems he only hits me up for me to go over to his place. Twice this week to be exact and once was to hang out with his friends. I turned down both times with some lame excuse, but I'm thinking maybe I should tell him how I feel. I really enjoy his company and feel myself falling for him, but this inconsistency is tough. It's like hes sending me mixed signals. I have a hard time saying how I feel. I usually just keep my feelings to myself and "go with the flow" which is a bad habit I'm working on unlearning! I just dont know how to go about it without seeming "needy." I'm not asking him for us to be bf/gf but I would like to at least know where I stand with him. If he wants to take things slow, I dont think it's fair I'm meeting his friends and hes not putting in effort to meet mind. If he wants something more serious, then I need consistency. I'm making myself crazy dwelling on all this inside my head!!!!

[Hollyj]

How long have you been dating?

[MarahVilla]

A little over 2 months

[Hollyj]

You haven't been dating very long, in fact, he has let you in more than most. Ay this point, people are not usually meeting friends, but simply dating.

 

I think you need to relax. I agree, you do need to slow this down.

[Hollyj]

You were sharing about someone else just a few months ago. Don't you think you should take a break from dating, so that you can heal from the other relationship.

[MarahVilla]

I've been single for about a year where I didnt date, meet, hang out with anyone. I simply focused on myself. I felt ready to date again which is why I decided to accept his invitation. As far as the friends situation, that's exactly what I'm saying. I feel its way to soon to meet friends and family. He says one thing then does another.

[Hollyj]

You can also set the pace.

[MarahVilla]

You can also set the pace.

 

How can I do that? It's like he doesnt talk to me all week then texts me a few hrs before he wants me come over. I dont want that.

[Hollyj]

Then don't go. I wouldn't

 

Tell him you have plans, and that you would love to hang out, but you will need more notice, as you may have prior commitments.

 

What has prevented you from asking him out?

[DanZee]

...he brings up that he wants to take things slow with me.

 

You know, when he told you this, I have the feeling that he de-prioritized you in his life. Now he wants to hang around with his friends more. I even wonder if he has another girlfriend. Have you had sex with him? I'm just wondering if he decided to take things slow after you had sex with him or because you haven't had sex with him. In any case, I think the relationship is over and you've been reduced to either another buddy to hang around with or a booty call when he gets horny. Luckily, it's only been two months of your life. There are nicer guys out there. Move on until you find one.

[Wiseman2]

You already know where you stand by both his and your actions. He's demoted you to booty call because you acquiesce to it and don't speak up or take action. You can "talk to him" all you want but he is crystal clear on what he wants. It would be best to dump him and rethink your dating strategies.

Now it seems he only hits me up for me to go over to his place.

[Jellybean9]

Just from personal experience I have used the phrase "let's slow down a bit".

 

We were dating exlusively at the time. But he was coming on very fast and eager to jump into a very serious relationship.

 

I felt the pace was moving too fast for me from only a month! So said that.

 

Glad I did as the following month I uncovered he had a bit of a drink problem and a lot of insecurities from his past relationship.

 

I did that because I wasn't comfortable with the pace and had doubts in being in a relationship with him. I'm glad I did as I didn't get intimate with him.

 

So the whole "take it slow" is a red flag as I do believe it is because that person is having doubts.

 

Sit and talk to him! That's all I can suggest. Don't settle for his dribs abs dabs.

[Hollyj]

I agree with the others. You have been demoted.

 

Be done with this guy. He does not see a future with you.

[Sportster2005]

So I met this guy. First date was beyond amazing. The few weeks after that were pretty amazing too. Everything was consistent. We talked constantly, planned outings, saw each other a few times a week and even introduced me to some of his friends. During a conversation about past bs we had to deal with, he brings up that he wants to take things slow with me. That's fine, I want to as well. At first we did stop talking and going out as much. He apologized for being distant and invited me out on a double date. It was fun, hes a great guy, but after that date, still our contact with each other was very weak. I would try to reach out, but could not keep a conversation going with him. Now it seems he only hits me up for me to go over to his place. Twice this week to be exact and once was to hang out with his friends. I turned down both times with some lame excuse, but I'm thinking maybe I should tell him how I feel. I really enjoy his company and feel myself falling for him, but this inconsistency is tough. It's like hes sending me mixed signals. I have a hard time saying how I feel. I usually just keep my feelings to myself and "go with the flow" which is a bad habit I'm working on unlearning! I just dont know how to go about it without seeming "needy." I'm not asking him for us to be bf/gf but I would like to at least know where I stand with him. If he wants to take things slow, I dont think it's fair I'm meeting his friends and hes not putting in effort to meet mind. If he wants something more serious, then I need consistency. I'm making myself crazy dwelling on all this inside my head!!!!

 

Treat mixed signals, as non-interest. The result is always the same

[MarahVilla]

Thanks everyone. I had a talk with him and he pretty much told everything i wanted to hear- that im "amazing and a great person" and that he hasn't been fair to me with his attention and that hes sorry.... honestly it all seemed to be a way of saying "I like you, but not enough for you to be a priority in my life" I get it, we're all busy people, but I think people make time for what they really care about. And it's not fair to me to keep letting myself fall for him knowing I'm never gonna be a priority in his life again. He did tell me this "wanting to take things slow" before we had sex & he started acting different when he made a move and i turned him down since I wasn't ready just yet. maybe that had something to do with, idk...guess it's all in the past now. Time to move on.

[DanZee]

He did tell me this "wanting to take things slow" before we had sex & he started acting different when he made a move and i turned him down since I wasn't ready just yet. maybe that had something to do with, idk...guess it's all in the past now. Time to move on.

 

Ah, I think that's the reason. You wouldn't have sex with him and he lost interest in you. Guys are petty like that.

[Jellybean9]

Unfortunately that happens and some guys (even women) and just after sex. If it's not offered they pull back and take things "slow" while searching for where they can get things easier.

 

He is keeping you on the back burner.

 

Good on you for holding your ground.

 

You'll meet a man who will stick around without sex and just want to spend time with you. Best of luck

[Wiseman2]

It worked out for the best. You now confirmed what the situation was and it's best to delete/block him and move forward.

he started acting different when he made a move and i turned him down since I wasn't ready just yet.