My partner has been 'sexting cheating'

[MissCanuck]

Are you serious... you’re saying this behaviour is acceptable because he’s a man? What century are we in again?

 

Exactly my thoughts on reading that.

 

OP, please don't assume you need to put up with this because he's a man. There are plenty of men who would not condone this sort of behaviour either, and surely we all know this is not just about masturbation. You are entitled to feel however you feel, and to not be alright with this. I am sorry that some here have essentially jumped on the high horse to try to tell you what is or is not a good enough reason to walk away, should you choose to, or indirectly suggested that you need to lighten up and let him be.

 

You are obviously very hurt, and understandably so. We can all tell you how we would react, of course, but your boundaries are yours and your man's to determine. A couple people here seem to think they can define your boundaries for you, but you already know the issue is much more complex than they're making it out to be.

[tattoobunnie]

He's selfish. He's had years to fix himself and change, and hasn't. He is telling you what you want to hear, so you two don't break up.

 

I'm sure he loves you, but he's still been cheating on you for YEARS. It doesn't matter if it's physical. He emotionally and physically declined from you for years now (3 years!!!)...so babe, I know you've put in 10 years with this dude, but he's straight up insecure, riddled with issues, selfish SOB. You have no kids, so RUN. This is pathological behavior, and you are seeing only the tip of the iceberg. Let me guess, his mom is a jerkbag, right?

 

I guarantee when the dust settles, he'll just be back on looking for his next ego-boost. He has actual relationships with this people he regularly talks to...this is not about just masturbation...this is emotional connection these women are having with your man.

 

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt.

 

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. If you have shared assets or accounts, get your things in order, then leave this dude in the dust. I will give anyone a one-and-done, okay it happened forgiveness, but he's been doing this for years with different women...um, talk about GIANT A-HOLE.

[ThatwasThen]

I read the article on sex addiction. I am still unsure about that.

 

Unfortunately, (to me anyhow) this sounds more like a case of the husband becoming disconnected from his wife emotionally and turning to other women for sexual satisfaction. A repeated behavior but for his own selfish enjoyment, not necessarily an addiction.

 

I agree that only a professional can diagnose this, but it does sound as though the husband made conscious choices to become intimate with other women.

 

He knew what he was doing, I'm sure he feels bad now that he has been caught, but I still don't get the vibe that it's a sexual addiction but rather him being promiscuous due to wanting to fill a void in his marriage.

That would make him a full on cheater with intent.

 

Op, you need to figure out if you can ever trust him again, addiction or not. Your mental well being is what matters here.

I realize you still love your husband but this is quite emotionally damaging and I do sincerely hope you get help coping with this all. I hope you've got family and friends to support you, as well as therapy/counselling.

 

I have no doubt he feels bad, however that doesn't excuse the choices he made. It also doesn't mean he won't do it again, even if it is addiction.

Although in my opinion, it sounds like he enjoyed what he was doing and was purposely cheating with these women.

 

Again, it's a fine line which only a professional can sort out.

But let's say for instance that he is addicted, that still is a very long road and no guarantee's that he will stop. Like any other addict, they realize they are ruining their family and destroying but that does not mean they can stop, even with help.

 

Either way OP, I hope you can get checked for STD's (just in case) and can get the emotional support you need to get through this.

You are going to have to make tough decisions here. I really am sorry that you're dealing with this.

 

"He knew what he was doing" just like any alcoholic knows that his drinking is causing marital problems and a possible job loss but he/she keeps doing it because they can't stop of their own volition. He's going to go to therapy wherein most likely they will be delving into this as an addiction.

 

An addiction is an illness like any other illness and when we marry, we vow to honour in sickness and in health. Addiction is a type of illness. Now, after being found out, attending therapy and likely being advised to attend a 12 step program, he does it again... that would be when Op would do well to leave him because its clear that he can't overcome his illness and for her to stay would be nothing but enabling him.

 

Op: What are you thinking at this point? You've got a lot of opinions on the matter. Has your thread helped you to decide?

[ginny064]

Sorry your going through this, but cheating is cheating. You didn’t think he was sexting either. Don’t make excuses for him, you deserve better.

[ThatwasThen]

Op: What are you thinking at this point? You've got a lot of opinions on the matter. Has your thread helped you to decide?