Outgrown my friends?

[Jonagoldappl]

Hi everyone,

 

There is this guy and he has been my best mate since we were 8 or something. I don't even remember exactly when we got friends, I only know it started when we played hide and seek in our neighbourhood with the other kids. We are now in our early to mid twenties and going different places.

 

I remember when we were around the age of 18 about 5 years ago and we would be going to clubs, hitting on women and drinking, only to wake up the next day with this headache from last night. I decided very quickly that I did not want this to be my lifestyle. Now I barely even drink and I have quit smoking. I guess I just grew up, but...

 

But he is still there. He goes to clubs every weekend, hitting on women and drinking booze till he's drunk. He still wakes up the next day with this huge headache, only to say that he won't ever do this again. The next weekend he is back again and the cycle continues. He goes to the club, gets drunk, gets a headache and regret it the next day, then does the same again and again. He even thinks it is cool and laughs about it as if he is proud of all that...

 

To be honest, the only thing we still have in common is our great past. This is the only thing we can still laugh about together but now it gets more and more boring. I don't fit in with his drinking buddies and his day after regret keeps reminding me of why I stepped out. Obviously if this makes him happy, great! But should I stay away?

 

Should I stay away or just limit our contact even more than I already did? Because every time he offers me cigarettes I'm tempted to start smoking again. I don't like these same old drunk stories anymore. I don't like going to fastfood restaurants to eat unhealthy every weekend. Do you think we have simply outgrown each other?

[Wiseman2]

Yep, this happens all the time. Unfortunately you outgrew each other. This is the person you start slowing putting in the acquaintance or classmate category. Distancing yourself slowly but surely (without moralizing of course). This is the person who you see at class reunions or as a fb contact or when a few people from the old days get together once in a rare while. But don't hang out if his habits and lifestyle don't suit yours..

Now I barely even drink and I have quit smoking. I guess I just grew up, but...But he is still there. He goes to clubs every weekend, hitting on women and drinking booze till he's drunk.

[Seraphim]

Just let the fade happen naturally.

[Jonagoldappl]

Well, at least it's something normal. It felt so weird the last time we were together but I feel much better now that I know it happens all the time. I will try to let the fade happen naturally. Thank you for your replies!

[melancholy123]

This is actually pretty normal. You have outgrown him. You can either distance yourself from him and get further away from him than you currently are, or you can just stop interacting with him right now, cold turkey. Sounds like you have grown up and he hasnt.

[catfeeder]

There's nothing wrong with keeping old doors cracked open to the possibility of meeting on higher ground someday, but keeping yourself tied to anyone isn't necessary. Divergence is a natural part of most friendships because few people grow and change their focus at the same rates. Expand your own scope and see the friend only when it works for you.

 

Head high.