davidm Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Hello all, thank you in advance for reading! Basically my girlfriend of two years has been posting some shady stuff on social media over the course of several months. I do not have any social media (she knows this) but one day last year I had a "gut feeling" to check her FB and Instagram so I created a quick private account and searched for her profile. I found check-ins and posts at times and places she told me she wasn't at, some of these included her ex. When I confronted her about this she denied some them and stated that she is close to her ex's son but has no interest in getting back with her ex. I gave her the ultimatum to either drop this guy and his son or I was gone. She chose to change her number and stop talking to her ex all together. As time went on I have found some strange posts but nothing concrete of cheating (though she is regularly on them there is absolutely no mention of me at all over the past two years). However, there has been a decline in sex, passion/affection as of late, and she would not follow through with most of the plans we'd make. I brought this to her attention and she said her mind wasn't in the right place and was stressing out over money but does love me. I told her it would probably be best for me to step back and give her space. After a couple of days she reached out to me but did not bring up our relationship, but we did spend all of this past Sunday together with her daughter and have made plans to go for a run tomorrow and to go out of town next weekend. Things are looking okay so far, but her communication is still lacking, I feel like she's not putting the same amount of effort to see each other. If she's no longer interested in the relationship, why keep dragging it on for months? It's not like I'm buying her expensive items or giving her lots of money (I'll help with gas and groceries at times but nothing crazy), so I don't think I'm being used. Has she lost attraction for me? I feel that by continuing to pursue her I am only pushing her farther away. Is my best bet to simply leave her alone and until she reaches out to me every time? Or should I keep putting the effort in? I work full-time and go to school part-time so I do keep busy but I have always made time for this woman when I can. Link to comment
DanZee Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Well, I think you've lost trust in your girlfriend and your girlfriend has lost trust in you since you looked through her FB and Instagram accounts and basically accused her of cheating. She's probably just hanging onto the relationship because she doesn't have anything else and you give her some money sometimes and her daughter likes you. It's probably up to you to end it. I don't think you're able to win her trust back and you feel you've been cheated on. Basically, that it. If you end it, the both of you can move on. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 Last night she actually changed her Instagram profile picture to an old pic of her and her ex kissing. She also posted a video of them two at ball game in May with the caption, "I love you." When I asked her about this she denies it and says she's been hacked. I decided to end the relationship and told her I can't be with someone that's posting shady stuff and also not putting the same amount of effort in as I am. We had a small argument over text this morning. Told her I've always treated her right but I guess it wasn't enough for her. Not sure why she would keep me around when she's clearly been seeing her ex behind my back. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 She sounds too busy and stressed as a single mom to date and her involvement with the ex may or not be mandatory, given they share custody. Are you sure he's an ex? After you break up it's best to go no contact not keep renegotiating and hashing it out via texting. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 It's not her kid is the thing. She just says she's close to his son, but from the looks of it, it seems that it's just an excuse to talk and see her ex behind my back. Her and I have been together for two years now and she's brought me around her family and everything. But now that I think about it, she might have just told them that I'm a friend or something. I'm pretty confused. She kept denying everything. Also yesterday she posted she had the day off, I asked her about work and she said it was going fine and had to work overtime. So clearly there's too much shady stuff going on. I sent her one last text and I'm going to leave it at that. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Yikes. It just gets worse. She's lying at the very least. she posted she had the day off, I asked her about work and she said it was going fine and had to work overtime. So clearly there's too much shady stuff going on. I sent her one last text and I'm going to leave it at that. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 There's actually more to it. Like friends of mine spotting her with her ex at times when she was MIA (not answering calls or texts) while she stated she was at home. Of course she denies it and says it wasn't her or that she's not interested in her ex, that they're just friends. I'm now convinced I have been played for the past two years and have just been a backup plan of sorts. Clearly she was never over her ex. I've deleted her number and stopped communicating. Sad, mad, and confused about this whole ordeal. It's going to be hard to trust the next person I date. Link to comment
yatsue Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 I'm sorry. I believe you were justified to end it, given she never posted anything of you but did of her ex with the ILY bit. Then the multiple lies about being where she said she wasn't. Very shady indeed. Just remember, do not drag her bad behavior into any new relationships. Not all partners are like this and if you cannot accept that, then it is not time for you to date yet until this idea dissolves. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 Just remember, do not drag her bad behavior into any new relationships. Not all partners are like this and if you cannot accept that, then it is not time for you to date yet until this idea dissolves. Very true. I'm just going to keep doing my thing and maybe someday I'll come across someone that'll appreciate me better. Since going NC she has text me a few times still denying everything and basically telling me she's over it and doesn't want to be with someone that is falsely accusing her. But the amount of evidence just seems too much to ignore, I believe she is trying to guilt trip me back to her. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 You made the right call. Now she's getting over defensive. So funny. Enjoy some of her retarded texts...then block her.she has text me a few times still denying everything and basically telling me she's over it and doesn't want to be with someone that is falsely accusing her. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 She sure has a lot of excuses for why nothing she says adds up. Two years...that's gotta sting. I'm sorry. Every time you think of her; remind yourself that while you may have enjoyed your time together--being a liar is just a full stop deal breaker. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 She sure has a lot of excuses for why nothing she says adds up. Two years...that's gotta sting. I'm sorry. Every time you think of her; remind yourself that while you may have enjoyed your time together--being a liar is just a full stop deal breaker. In one of her messages yesterday she said she finally regained access to her "hacked" Instagram. She made the mistake of sending me a screenshot of a password reset to "prove" that she had been hacked, but within that same thread there was a password reset for Tinder back in April! She claimed to not know what Tinder was. After that I've simply ignored her, didn't bother to read her last few messages. Still confused as to why she was keeping me around, I know she's going to keep reaching out trying to make herself appear to be the victim. But the lies and lack of effort isn't helping her case. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Wow. Good you are ignoring her. it sounds like she's backpedaling to cover her tracks and save face and "prove" she not a liar. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 Wow. Good you are ignoring her. it sounds like she's backpedaling to cover her tracks and save face and "prove" she not a liar. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Way too many inconsistencies and excuses, not enough answers or effort to save the relationship. I'm convinced she has been living a double life. Keeping me hidden from him and him hidden from me. Spending time with me when he's occupied, spending time with him when I'm occupied. It's frustrating knowing that she will probably tell everyone that I was the bad guy and left her. I feel like I need to defend myself but I know it's best to keep NC and let her regret ever doing this. By the time she realizes her mistake I'll be long gone. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 In one of her messages yesterday she said she finally regained access to her "hacked" Instagram. She made the mistake of sending me a screenshot of a password reset to "prove" that she had been hacked, but within that same thread there was a password reset for Tinder back in April! She claimed to not know what Tinder was. After that I've simply ignored her, didn't bother to read her last few messages. Still confused as to why she was keeping me around, I know she's going to keep reaching out trying to make herself appear to be the victim. But the lies and lack of effort isn't helping her case. Bahahaha... She accidentally included the Tinder account? Not only does she lie but she's extremely bad at it! Wow Link to comment
davidm Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Despite all this, I still care a great deal about our relationship. I'm hoping that NC, time, and continuing to work on myself (emotionally, mentally, and physically), will allow her to realize what she has lost and we could work together to build something new someday. Of course that's easier said than done. It'll take a lot of time and we would have to take things real slow so that I can see if she's really committed to me. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 It sounds like you are a kind person who can see her good qualities despite her flaws and the fact that she has treated you with utter disrespect. My hope for you is that through your personal work; you will eventually get to a place where you have no desire or pull to be with a person who doesn't treat you well. Easier said than done. I know this myself and struggle with it daily. Step by step and wishing you well. Link to comment
davidm Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 It sounds like you are a kind person who can see her good qualities despite her flaws and the fact that she has treated you with utter disrespect. My hope for you is that through your personal work; you will eventually get to a place where you have no desire or pull to be with a person who doesn't treat you well. Easier said than done. I know this myself and struggle with it daily. Step by step and wishing you well. Thank you. She actually text me the other day, something about her dog being missing but I didn't reply back. It's day 5 of NC today. I told myself I wasn't going to reach out to her unless she makes an attempt to work things out and fully commit to me. Otherwise I'll just keep NC going forever. Link to comment
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