Is it too late to get her back?

[ericw899]

And the most confusing thing about her is that she will go almost a whole day without talking to me, then send me a provocative picture and random memes on instagram.

[MissCanuck]

And the most confusing thing about her is that she will go almost a whole day without talking to me, then send me a provocative picture and random memes on instagram.

 

This is her ego talking.

 

She comes to you when she's not getting attention from her Tinder guys.

[ericw899]

This is her ego talking.

 

She comes to you when she's not getting attention from her Tinder guys.

 

Damn...So do you think she really has any interest in talking and hanging out with me, its all just a ploy for attention?

[BoysConfuseM]

And the most confusing thing about her is that she will go almost a whole day without talking to me, then send me a provocative picture and random memes on instagram.

 

She's trying to keep you on the line, while keeping her other options open. If you truly wanted to be with you, she would shut down her Tinder account and give you her undivided attention. If you go no contact, block her number, it'll make you feel a lot better and then you can work on yourself. Get a new hobby. When I was going through a breakup with my ex, I started doing nails on the side along with teaching and i ended up making a lot of money, and got over him in the process. When he came back, I was already over it and moved on. The self-esteem boost you get from accomplishing something new is priceless.

[boltnrun]

No one thinks he should sit at home twiddling his thumbs.

 

The part that people are objecting to is the obvious ploy of posting pics on social media of him allegedly having this wonderful time in the hope that she will see it and get jealous enough to contact him. THAT is the immature, high-schoolish part.

 

I say, yes, go out and have fun times. But forget about the transparent social media posting. Anyone would see through that. Have fun for your own sake, not as a way to try to make her jealous.

[ericw899]

She's trying to keep you on the line, while keeping her other options open. If you truly wanted to be with you, she would shut down her Tinder account and give you her undivided attention. If you go no contact, block her number, it'll make you feel a lot better and then you can work on yourself. Get a new hobby. When I was going through a breakup with my ex, I started doing nails on the side along with teaching and i ended up making a lot of money, and got over him in the process. When he came back, I was already over it and moved on. The self-esteem boost you get from accomplishing something new is priceless.

 

I really like your advise. Since our breakup I have started working out at the gym and am even seeing a therapist on a weekly basis. I do however feel lonely a lot of the time, so her random snapchats to me do bring me some happiness. But I feel subconsciously I'm hoping she still has underlying feelings for me, thus the reason she still feels the need to give me daily updates about her life.

[ericw899]

No one thinks he should sit at home twiddling his thumbs.

 

The part that people are objecting to is the obvious ploy of posting pics on social media of him allegedly having this wonderful time in the hope that she will see it and get jealous enough to contact him. THAT is the immature, high-schoolish part.

 

I say, yes, go out and have fun times. But forget about the transparent social media posting. Anyone would see through that. Have fun for your own sake, not as a way to try to make her jealous.

 

I agree about ditching the social media part. She knows that isn't me, so trying to pretend I have an interesting social life, will look desperate and she'll see right through it.

[chie83]

I think you should do NC and let her go while it is still your decision, rather than she has someone new and "can't" talk to you anymore... I think that would hurt more. I'm not just saying this... I am in the same boat and have started NC for 3 days now (even though we broke up 2 months ago). It is difficult and challenging, but I know this is the best move I can do for myself to move on.

 

I mean I really love talking to her, even if it's just stupid talk. But selfishly, I know I want more than just general friends who talk from time to time. I don't have to have her as a girlfriend per say, but I would want her to at least be a friend with benefits (not just sex) like cuddling, kissing etc. I think before the argument, she was fine with that as we already did it once, but after that it seems she pulled away. I know however, if she gets into a serious relationship, I can't still talk to her.

[ericw899]

She's back talking to me & because I'm an idiot, I'm responding. 2 nights ago she called me twice & I didn't answer because I was sleeping, but she told me she wanted to hear my voice and was having flashbacks of us. In addition she has been telling me how much pain she is in due to her menstrual cycle and other health issues. She has texted me almost non stop all day. However once I try to start a coversation, she doesn't respond. I'm going to give her two more days & if none of the conversation leads to reconciliation I'm done.

[boltnrun]

Has she said "I want to get back together "?

 

If not, what good is two more days going to do?

[reinventmyself]

She has texted me almost non stop all day. However once I try to start a coversation, she doesn't respond. I'm going to give her two more days & if none of the conversation leads to reconciliation I'm done.

 

So, it's all about her, right?

 

Even if you were successful at being friends, who would want a one sided friendship where she takes and you end up overdrawn?

 

Go get busy with your life and I promise you this won't have the pull it does.

 

At the very least I commend you for having an end date. At least you will have some closure.

[ericw899]

Has she said "I want to get back together "?

 

If not, what good is two more days going to do?

 

Really just to see what her angle is & where she is trying to go with hitting me up again.

[boltnrun]

Really just to see what her angle is & where she is trying to go with hitting me up again.

 

That's an excuse.

 

You already know what her "angle" is. She wants attention and knows you'll do anything just to talk to her.

 

Do you think she respects you? Truly cares about you? Wants to be with you? Or...maybe she just likes being able to manipulate you.

[ericw899]

That's an excuse.

 

You already know what her "angle" is. She wants attention and knows you'll do anything just to talk to her.

 

Do you think she respects you? Truly cares about you? Wants to be with you? Or...maybe she just likes being able to manipulate you.

 

So how should I go about this? Do I call her out & say "listen, if I'm going to be in your life, it has to be with the intent of us working on our issues and looking to build a future together. If you're not interested in that than I no longer wish for you to contact me"

[TheOutlaw]

For f sake man, pull yourself together and demonstrate some self-respect. She is talking to you about her menstrual cycles? Jesus. I don’t even know where to begin this is so sad. Apparently you need it written in clear English. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN WHO IS AN EMOTIONAL TAMPON (see what I did there?). Women want men who are self-confident and who are willing to walk away and never look back, you aren’t doing that and will only succeed in driving her further and further away.

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't put it exactly the way The Outlaw did, but I have to say I agree.

 

She's treating you like one of her girlfriends, except you're a guy and she can say "OMG, he's so into me!!" Next thing you know she's going to want you to go shopping with her to pick out an outfit she plans to wear on a date with another guy.

 

Don't bother with the "leave me alone unless you want to get back together" text, because you know tomorrow she'll text you about how she can't find a comfortable bra. Or that she has the runs and wants someone to take care of her. Just stop responding.

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn't put it exactly the way The Outlaw did, but I have to say I agree.

 

She's treating you like one of her girlfriends, except you're a guy and she can say "OMG, he's so into me!!" Next thing you know she's going to want you to go shopping with her to pick out an outfit she plans to wear on a date with another guy.

 

Don't bother with the "leave me alone unless you want to get back together" text, because you know tomorrow she'll text you about how she can't find a comfortable bra. Or that she has the runs and wants someone to take care of her. Just stop responding.

 

Yes, I agree.

 

She's putting you in her Friend Zone, OP. Enough is enough. Just don't engage with her; she will get bored of silence and text one of her girlfriends instead.

[TheOutlaw]

OP. If you want to keep this woman in a romantic way and not just as a friend, you need to assert some dominance. As I said, women do not want men who lack self-confidence or self-respect. You need to be more mysterious! Her attraction for you will grow when she sees and feels you slipping away. If you run back like a lost puppy to her each time she calls, she will lose attraction.

 

She wants your attention, or else she would not message you. Use that to your advtange. She broke up with you correct? Make her feel that loss. Make her feel like her decision was the wrong one by showing her a more attractive and confident person. The key here is non-chalance, act like she is any other person you are not into romantically and it might be enough to re-spark the flame within her.

 

If an ex of mine sent me messages about anything trivial. My response would be one of two things: 1) nothing; or 2) Hey - Busy right now - (feel better, or have fun, etc., ((whatever is appropriate in context)). Remember that in conversation - less is more. GL

[ericw899]

For f sake man, pull yourself together and demonstrate some self-respect. She is talking to you about her menstrual cycles? Jesus. I don’t even know where to begin this is so sad. Apparently you need it written in clear English. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN WHO IS AN EMOTIONAL TAMPON (see what I did there?). Women want men who are self-confident and who are willing to walk away and never look back, you aren’t doing that and will only succeed in driving her further and further away.

 

I understand. But should note, she always talked to me in detail regarding her cycle, even when we were dating.

[ericw899]

I just worry if I don't respond to her, she won't message me again & then she will be gone forever. We only dated two months, so it's not like our memories are endless and irreplaceable. Although she does appear to miss me which is odd considering she ended it.

[ericw899]

And i hate it because I was doing so well at the beginning of the week, ready to move on but her message screwed me up & now I can't stop thinking about her.

[MissCanuck]

Then lay down your boundaries and tell her that while you would like to work things out, you cannot remain friends if she is not interested in reconciliation and to please not contact you if that's not what she wants to discuss.

 

There are plenty of people out there who will use an ex as a filler until a more permanent replacement comes along. That sounds very much like what's happening here. It's up to you to put a stop to that.

[ericw899]

Then lay down your boundaries and tell her that while you would like to work things out, you cannot remain friends if she is not interested in reconciliation and to please not contact you if that's not what she wants to discuss.

 

There are plenty of people out there who will use an ex as a filler until a more permanent replacement comes along. That sounds very much like what's happening here. It's up to you to put a stop to that.

 

Next time she messages me, that's what I am going to say

[ericw899]

Then lay down your boundaries and tell her that while you would like to work things out, you cannot remain friends if she is not interested in reconciliation and to please not contact you if that's not what she wants to discuss.

 

There are plenty of people out there who will use an ex as a filler until a more permanent replacement comes along. That sounds very much like what's happening here. It's up to you to put a stop to that.

 

How does this sound? "Look we can't keep doing this. I care about you too much and I want to work things out between us. Not necessarily jump back into a relationship, but at least go on a date and see what happens. I can no longer be your friend or your emotional support. It is too hard for me, and is not allowing me to move forward with my life. If you would like to see if we can try to make things work, I'll gladly keep in contact and we can make plans for a date, but if not I rather you not contact me anymore unless you have a change of heart."

[MissCanuck]

"If you would like to see if we can try to make things work, I'll gladly keep in contact and we can make plans for a date, but if not I rather you not contact me anymore unless you have a change of heart."

 

Fixed it for you. No need to be overly verbose.