Is it too late to get her back?

[ericw899]

Doesnt change a thing. My ex and I held hands, made out like it was our first date, and she cried her eyes out over breaking up with me this past weekend. She still left me. There is a quote "If you love something set it free; if it comes back it is forever yours and if not, it never was". I suggest you adopt the same road I am and going fully NC.

 

NC is where I'm at now. We haven't talked since yesterday. We were no contact all week last week, yet when she finally contacted me it didn't seem like she missed me. Is your goal at the end of NC for your ex to come running back because she realized it was a mistake letting you go or are you just looking to forget her & move on?

[Chris12189]

NC is where I'm at now. We haven't talked since yesterday. We were no contact all week last week, yet when she finally contacted me it didn't seem like she missed me. Is your goal at the end of NC for your ex to come running back because she realized it was a mistake letting you go or are you just looking to forget her & move on?

 

In my situation I messed up bad. My goal of NC is to just move on with my life, whether with her or with someone better. I do think I will have another opportunity but as she said shes not ready to 100 percent trust me at the moment (even though the love is there). I don't blame her. I was a f'ing ahole

[boltnrun]

Of course not. But after our breakup I was in bed with her one night & at the end of the week she was planning a long term relationship with someone else. Why can't I be on the other side of things?

 

What does that mean? Other side of things? You want to see her loving on some other guy???

[ericw899]

What does that mean? Other side of things? You want to see her loving on some other guy???

 

Meaning if she could be with me in bed & then go run off with another guy, why can't I be the one she is running off to be with after her being with another guy. In other words, she leaves who ever she might be with and want to commit to me.

[ericw899]

In my situation I messed up bad. My goal of NC is to just move on with my life, whether with her or with someone better. I do think I will have another opportunity but as she said shes not ready to 100 percent trust me at the moment (even though the love is there). I don't blame her. I was a f'ing ahole

 

I understand man, I wish I was as strong as you to be able to do that.

[boltnrun]

Meaning if she could be with me in bed & then go run off with another guy, why can't I be the one she is running off to be with after her being with another guy. In other words, she leaves who ever she might be with and want to commit to me.

 

So you're hoping she demotes you to side piece???

 

And sloppy seconds? Ick.

[ericw899]

So you're hoping she demotes you to side piece???

 

And sloppy seconds? Ick.

 

I already was sloppy seconds to begin with

[boltnrun]

I already was sloppy seconds to begin with

 

And it felt good? So good that you want to go back to being her second choice?

 

I have yet to see what's so amazingly fantastic about this woman.

 

Why don't you have any friends?

[ericw899]

And it felt good? So good that you want to go back to being her second choice?

 

I have yet to see what's so amazingly fantastic about this woman.

 

Why don't you have any friends?

 

She gave me everything I waited my whole life for. She made me happy every second, she is beyond beautiful, & I really saw us being together forever.

 

I have no friends because I suffer severe social anxiety

[Chris12189]

I understand man, I wish I was as strong as you to be able to do that.

 

Have no choice really.

[ericw899]

Have no choice really.

 

You could cling onto false hope like me and go absolutely nowhere. I give you credit for your mindset. I still sit around waiting for her to change her mind even though I know she never will

[Chris12189]

You could cling onto false hope like me and go absolutely nowhere. I give you credit for your mindset. I still sit around waiting for her to change her mind even though I know she never will

 

a little hope is good but I am striving to be the best person I possibly can be and being that person could maybe lead to someone better for me in the future. On a serious note, and I am the last person to give advice here, but I would honestly focus on the therapist and not this girl. You are losing all your self-respect and dignity by groveling to be some girls backup plan. There are more underlying issues here than just a breakup and even if she came back, she would leave you again in the state you are in.

[ericw899]

a little hope is good but I am striving to be the best person I possibly can be and being that person could maybe lead to someone better for me in the future. On a serious note, and I am the last person to give advice here, but I would honestly focus on the therapist and not this girl. You are losing all your self-respect and dignity by groveling to be some girls backup plan. There are more underlying issues here than just a breakup and even if she came back, she would leave you again in the state you are in.

 

I'm going to try. I know I have issues to work out. Problem is I only see my therapist once a week, so once I leave her I feel good but within a couple days I feel lost and back to square one again.

[MissCanuck]

You need to stop depending on this girl (or any one individual) to be your sole source of happiness.

 

That is a big part of the problem here. You feel totally devastated because you measure your self-worth based on her opinion of you. And given that she broke up with you, you now consequently feel you are not worth anything. This is a very destructive pattern of thinking and behaviour you're putting yourself through, OP. Are you working on your social anxiety? That is going to be an absolutely essential part of your healing. What tips has your therapist suggested to help you manage your anxiety?

 

And let me tell you, she doesn't want you back. If she did, she would be overjoyed to see you. She's paying you lip service because it suits her purpose of keeping you in her pocket for when she wants attention, but she is not going to come back and stay back. Not when she's kept her distance and is already seeing other people. You're attaching yourself to the entirely wrong person here, and you will get your heart broken again, my friend.

[ericw899]

You need to stop depending on this girl (or any one individual) to be your sole source of happiness.

 

That is a big part of the problem here. You feel totally devastated because you measure your self-worth based on her opinion of you. And given that she broke up with you, you now consequently feel you are not worth anything. This is a very destructive pattern of thinking and behaviour you're putting yourself through, OP. Are you working on your social anxiety? That is going to be an absolutely essential part of your healing. What tips has your therapist suggested to help you manage your anxiety?

 

And let me tell you, she doesn't want you back. If she did, she would be overjoyed to see you. She's paying you lip service because it suits her purpose of keeping you in her pocket for when she wants attention, but she is not going to come back and stay back. Not when she's kept her distance and is already seeing other people. You're attaching yourself to the entirely wrong person here, and you will get your heart broken again, my friend.

 

I am working on my social anxiety as my therapist suggested trying new hobbies/activities and going on sites like meetup.com to get to know new people. The problem is I have zero desire to meet new people. I really don't like being around guys my age, and the only women I am interested in interacting with are those who could be a potential life partner. I don't like just socializing for the hell of it, or dating for "fun". I don't know if it's a mental issue or personal preference but that's how I feel.

[Chris12189]

I am working on my social anxiety as my therapist suggested trying new hobbies/activities and going on sites like meetup.com to get to know new people. The problem is I have zero desire to meet new people. I really don't like being around guys my age, and the only women I am interested in interacting with are those who could be a potential life partner. I don't like just socializing for the hell of it, or dating for "fun". I don't know if it's a mental issue or personal preference but that's how I feel.

 

Socializing will help you gain confidence (even if you dont feel like doing it) and thus make you more attractive to your ex. LIsten I hate going to the gym and there are some days I literally have to sit down for 30 minutes and convince myself to go,but I feel amazing after I finish a full workout. The more time you spend doing things that keep you busy, the less you will think about her.

[MissCanuck]

How are you going to find a potential life partner if you won't socialize or meet new women? That's a genuine question.

 

That's like saying you really want to make money but refuse to get a job. You're standing in your own way, because you don't want to let go of your ex.

[ericw899]

How are you going to find a potential life partner if you won't socialize or meet new women? That's a genuine question.

 

That's like saying you really want to make money but refuse to get a job. You're standing in your own way, because you don't want to let go of your ex.

 

I'd be open to meeting new women, but I don't know how. I'm not big into the bar scene, and I've done the online thing and I'm not a big fan. It's hard to go out alone.

[boltnrun]

I think most Meetup groups don't get together in bars.

 

What are you interested in? Cars? A sport? Gaming? Gardening? Cooking? They have meetups for all sorts of things.

[ericw899]

I think most Meetup groups don't get together in bars.

 

What are you interested in? Cars? A sport? Gaming? Gardening? Cooking? They have meetups for all sorts of things.

 

I do really like cars but I don't know too much about the mechanical components, so I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to hold my own. I also do love gardening as I'm a landscape designer.

[boltnrun]

I do really like cars but I don't know too much about the mechanical components, so I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to hold my own. I also do love gardening as I'm a landscape designer.

 

They are not going to interrogate you at the Meetups lol. That's not what they're about.

 

Of course, if you would rather spend weeks, months, years pining over this girl then forget about meeting people and making friends or dating someone else. If spending all your time hoping she texts you, then listening to her tell you about the men she's dating sounds like more fun than hanging out with car or gardening enthusiasts and meeting some great people...then I guess carry on.

[ericw899]

They are not going to interrogate you at the Meetups lol. That's not what they're about.

 

Of course, if you would rather spend weeks, months, years pining over this girl then forget about meeting people and making friends or dating someone else. If spending all your time hoping she texts you, then listening to her tell you about the men she's dating sounds like more fun than hanging out with car or gardening enthusiasts and meeting some great people...then I guess carry on.

 

Yeah you're right. I'm actually hardly thinking about her anymore, and have found to enjoy my job more than I did. Plus I'm looking to get into a new hobby, maybe buy at dirt bike or quad