Long Distance Relationships just don't work

[Rickster]

Ive had 3 people including myself that have gone through long distance relationship and in the end they break up. I don't think its possible. Because your partner would have done so many things without you, and it hurts for them not to see you, and in the end the more time that they spend with their friends the more they love someone else. I think the thing that affects long distance is education. I had a dilemma, whether to choose her or my education, and I sadly chose education. I was so dumb to pick that. I wish I had stayed in the same country as her to study. Then I can spend time with her, because not only trust is important in a relationship but for some reason you need to spend time with them. Trust me, phone calls are different from seeing, touching, feeling, and just being next to the someone you love.

 

I still cannot get over her. I love her so much, I don't intend to get over her. She means alot to me, and I hope by the time I get back she would realise what Ive done and what we could have been, and how much I put into the relationship by not loving some one else while we were away.

 

In the end they just don't work

[codaaurora]

Rickster,

 

I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I had a long distance relationship with someone. He was in Adak Alaska while I was in Virginia. We did this for over a year and made it work. Yes, our phone bills were high and this was back when you got charged for each email that you sent so that was high too, and we didn't have much money to visit, but we made it work because we were committed to making it work. We wrote letters and sent packages with pictures every week, we called, we emailed.

 

My best friend from childhood made her's work, her fiance got stationed in Australia for three years at a service member's only station and she only got to see him three times in three years, at the end of his tour there, he came home and they were married. They never broke up, stayed committed to each other, sent packages, letters and made phone calls and here they are...10 years later and still married.

 

I think each situation is different, you should never regret a decision that you made to better yourself. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, you can't go back to that when you older. If it was going to work, it was going to work either together or separate. LDR's you really have to work hard at, spend money on and focus on but they are possible.

 

Keep in mind, that nothing is set, we determine our own future. So if you miss her and still love her....have you told her?

[chai714]

LDR's CAN work, but only for a short period of time. Obviously, the quality of an LDR as opposed to a traditional relationship is much lower. You can't completely fulfill the other persons emotions over a wire. Humans need touch, and especially men. BUT . . they can work if both are willing up to a certain threshold.

[RayKay]

LDR's can definitely work...as long as you have plans and a goal to be in the same place at some point in the nearer future...and you follow THROUGH on them.

 

I do agree that an LDR that could go on as an LDR indefinitely has a very large risk of collapsing. A relationship needs that physical closeness just as much as emotional, and to fall in love you need to be able to share experiences with that person (both good and bad) and to learn whom they really are.

 

But, they can indeed work if both people have a goal and a plan to reunite in ONE place and be together "in real life".....until then it's all "fantasy" as muneca on here would say

[Rickster]

I don't know what she had thought when I was with her. She probably thought that I didn't love her as much or something. But all the I love you's and the i miss you's that I said before I really meant it to her. Now when I say that to her either she keeps quiet or says ya. I have told her that I really love her so much. I feel so lost without her, all my school work and everything that I did is all going down the drain, because I don't know if she had noticed, I devoted everything to her.

 

All she comes out now is excuses that what I had done wrong in our relationship, and it's true, but then the only way to learn from life and relationships is by making mistakes, I can't learn all of this is school, they don't teach such things.

 

And now when she likes some other guy, it makes me even sadder, and she says shes more happy with him, and when we were together she wasn't happy, which isn't true, because if she thought that she was unhappy being with me, then why did she carry on our relationship for 2 more years. I hated my attitude before but Ive changed, as Im older and have experienced the mistakes.

[greenowl88]

My current relationship is proof that long distant relationships CAN work. We met and then shortly after he moved 400 miles away. We continued the relationship over a period of about 8 months with phone calls and visiting about once a month, and then I moved in with him. We've been living together for almost 9 months now and we are both very happy.

 

It CAN work!! Don't give up!!

[PAdreamer]

LDRs CAN work, but they really are not for everyone. It takes a certain amount of self-control and a whole heck of a lot of trust, honesty, and intense commitment on both ends! I've been in my LDR for 14 months now, we're engaged, and it will be another 16 months before we're married and together for good. Neither of us has a ton of money for visits, so we make them special. We talk on the phone or online about once a day, most of the time just leaving cute messages to make each other's days brighter. It was very emotionally difficult for the first year- a lot of fear and insecurity, especially when we didn't really know exactly where the relationship was progressing to. Now we're just glad to know that we have each other in any small way, and we make the best of what we have to work with.

 

I don't feel that our love is diminished by the distance- we can still be just as romantic as we like to be in person. AND when we finally do get to see each other, the experience is always fun and romantic and energizing, and it gives us a good reason to make it through the stretch until our next visit. It's all just a matter of how you are willing to adjust to fit the specific needs of your relationship.

[stronghotshot2005]

[RayKay-LDR's can definitely work...as long as you have plans and a goal to be in the same place at some point in the nearer future...and you follow THROUGH on them.]

 

exactly!

[kimichuck]

i think that long distance relationships can work, but there has to be good communication with each other especially in terms of emotions because in a normal relationship when seeing each other often emotions can be seen and not necessarily said. Its one thing that me and my current boyfriend are learning to do and it has been quite difficult but it is a definite must for a long distance relationship.

[Addicted2Coffee]

I honestly believe that LDR's do work. But it takes a lot of work and probably a steady foundation in the relationship before distance becomes an issue.

 

Currently, my boyfriend lives away as we goes to a different university. We went out for a year before he left for university.He's going into his third year and I'll be entering my 2nd. We love each other so much and I've been pretty much used to the distance all this time while we're studying. It's hard, but we make the best of it through phone calls, emails, instant messaging, and webcams. Plus, we get to see each other during holidays when he visits me.

 

But there are hard times-like during midterms or final exams. We hardly get to chat to one another as we both focus on our studies. But, he's applying to a Medical school in my city and *knocks on wood* he gets in so we can finally see each other regularly.

 

That's my two cents.

 

-AC

[hk87]

I agree with you totally. It's so hard not seeing them, and I know your hurting them each time you have to leave. My now ex bf told me to choose education over him, and if it was meant to work, then we wil get back together.

xxx

[aphrodite24]

LDR's do work. But they take a lot of work. I am in a long distance relationship and have been in this relationship for over a year. It takes a lot from the both of you.

[PAdreamer]

I think a lot of people say LDRs don't work because in their experience the hard work and emotional stress isn't worth it. But that's just a matter or preference. If being with the person you adore and want to spend the rest of your life with is just "too much work" for you, I think people need to sit back and re-evaluate what they want from love.

[Zimetra]

If being with the person you adore and want to spend the rest of your life with is just "too much work" for you, I think people need to sit back and re-evaluate what they want from love.

 

I absolutely agree. In today's 'fast food society', we expect to have everything delivered processed and in chewable bites, even relationships. 'Old-fashioned' values like endurance or sacrificing one goal in order to reach another one are not in vogue any more.

 

I am not saying we should go back to our grandparents' system and e.g. give up our career so that we can be with our loved one, but in an ldr, more than in any other relationship, it is usually necessary for both partners to offer a small sacrifice. We all have to decide for ourselves if we really want to do that. It shouldn't be one-sided, and we have to be absolutely certain we want to do it, otherwise we'll spend the rest of our relationship blaming our partner for what we gave up for him.

 

Being in an ldr so far has taught me a lot about life and helped me become more mature.

 

To all those in this forum who make statements like "ldrs just don't work", please note that this is an insult to us and our efforts and our hopes. There are cases where I'd advise against starting an ldr because I can see the lack of commitment on both sides or the two of them don't even know each other in person, but there are many examples here proving that they DO work.

 

Zimetra

[Dannysgirl]

LDR's can and do work. My relationship is living proof of this as I am now married to the person I had a an LDR with for a year.

Yes they are very difficult but if both parties are equally committed they are worth the wait.

LDR's require a LOT of communication, understanding and compromise. If you are fully aware of this when you undertake this kind of relationship then you won't go far wrong.

 

You should contact this girl and tell her how you feel, what have you got to lose? It could potentially turn into something very special. Who knows, maybe she still loves you too.

[hurtwou]

I totally agree.....I have been in 2 long distant relationships, and I recently just got out of one....I loved this guy with all my heart but I guess he couldnt stand the distance and he ended up breaking my heart.....

[suziep]

If being with the person you adore and want to spend the rest of your life with is just "too much work" for you, I think people need to sit back and re-evaluate what they want from love.

 

 

To all those in this forum who make statements like "ldrs just don't work", please note that this is an insult to us and our efforts and our hopes.

 

Zimetra

 

Amen to the both of you!

[punkdonkey]

I never actually choose to have a long distance relationsship, I just choosed her, and she me, and from then on, there was no other way. Its been 4 years now, and I have got her ring, and I am ready to pop the question.

There is no doubt that there are a lot of negative sides to an LDR, but being with my princess is worth it all. and there are a lot of good things about this too.

 

A lot of my friends who live just 1 mile apart, never see their Girlfriend or boyfriend more then once a week. Not because the opportunity is not there, just because...well..I have no clue.

And also, since communication is essential in an LDR, there is very tight connection between couples who have been apart.

 

It can easily work. it just takes the right girl, and the right guy.

 

Sincerely

The punk

[PAdreamer]

See that's it!!!! It's not about the distance, it's about the people! I love my fiance! Distance doesn't make any difference! If we lived next door to each other, I would still love him. If he lived on another PLANET I would still love him! Love is love! Why would you forsake that because of something like distance which CAN be remedied?!

[Rainy]

We dont choose to go into a long distance relationship, we choose the people, I was friends with my ldb before we got together, i knew we had a connection before i met him (met him through the net, on the bob dylan forum) and when we met in person i felt like i knew him,

 

Ldr are very hard, there has to be alot of communication, but you have to have that in a relationship where the two couples live near each other any way

 

i am moving to be with my long distance boyfriend in 5 weeks, its mega scary but i know my life will be complete

[wynterose]

And also, since communication is essential in an LDR, there is very tight connection between couples who have been apart.

 

I tried ldr and I find it very difficult. The first year, the trust finally settled but then came the pain of 'being' far. Everytime we talk on the phone now, I'm sad because I just want to hug him and hold him and just sit next to him... It's something that other couples don't have to deal with and it can be very depressing. It's a little like 'mourning' the physical aspect of a relationship at times!

 

I personally feel that you have to be very stong to live thru a ldr... it's not for everyone.

 

Good luck and... follow your heart