Advice on events over this past weekend ?!

[Red88]

Am I to hung up on this reconciliation idea? Is it everyone’s opinion that I’m in for a rude awakening?

 

I know nobody truly knows my relationship etc. but if she WASNT my children’s mother and for example I opened that up on another girls phone who wasn’t my kids mom, I’d be done, no doubt about it. Does it make any difference that she’s my children’s mom? Does it make sense to look at it differently? Should there be any difference? Is it worth the extra time and effort to try and rebuild a relationship with my ex? Or is it everyone’s opinion I’m in for a rude awakening?

 

Be blunt if necessary. I value all outside opinions.

[DancingFool]

Please take the opinion of random strangers online with a giant grain of salt. Keep in mind also that many give advice based on their own baggage and life issues.

 

You need to do what is best for you and your family. You have a responsibility for FOUR lives in addition to the mother of those children. If reconciling and being a family is possible and only issues you've had are maturity/communication/conflict resolution related, then quite frankly those issues are very much fixable. Ultimately, only you know her, we don't. You need to sort this out for yourself....and that's taking control and making decisions for yourself. Don't be so easily swayed by all and sundry. What do YOU actually want?

[figureitout23]

Please take the opinion of random strangers online with a giant grain of salt. Keep in mind also that many give advice based on their own baggage and life issues.

 

You need to do what is best for you and your family. You have a responsibility for FOUR lives in addition to the mother of those children. If reconciling and being a family is possible and only issues you've had are maturity/communication/conflict resolution related, then quite frankly those issues are very much fixable. Ultimately, only you know her, we don't. You need to sort this out for yourself....and that's taking control and making decisions for yourself. Don't be so easily swayed by all and sundry. What do YOU actually want?

 

Excellent advice and very true.

[Red88]

I want to be together with my family but after my conversation with her just a min ago I honestly know that it’s not gonna happen.

 

I tried to ask her if she wanted to talk about things...she shut me down. I tried talking to her about coming up with solutions to get over and remedy past problems we had and move forward...she shut me down. She shut me down on everything.

 

I said “ok so here’s the deal, I have feelings for you and you don’t have feelings for me” and she said she doesn’t. So I said in order for me to be a better co parent WITH you I need to get over you and my feelings for you. She berated me and didn’t respect the fact that I need some space and time, not away from the kids, just her. I told her I’m not blocking her but I would strongly prefer email not text and I’m just trying to establish some boundaries. Schedule times to call the kids and all that. I said it wouldn’t have to be this way forever, I just need some time and set some boundaries and I asked her if she’d respect that and she said I’m being dumb and need to be an adult?? I said if the kids need ANYTHING just email me and I’ll get it. She said she hates email it’s so dumb why not text. I agree they are one in the same, but I prefer to email. Not only so I have a record of convos but to establish some sort of boundaries. Like today, she called and talked to me about pretty much nothing, same with last night. She messaged me about a snake in her yard today. My thought process is “cool we are communicating well and that’s a positive sign for working on our relationship”. But that’s not hers. So we are on two different pages. I would be happy to just talk to her about anything one day, but having feelings for her gets me all confused.

 

I have feelings for her. I have this picture in my mind of us all being together as a family and happy. It’s so hard to accept that it’s not gonna be that way. I need that fantasy to go away. I am having a hard time accepting that it will never happen but I know I need to.

 

I live in a big city and work 8hrs away for reasons that benefit my family (good job, more opportunities to grow, etc) She calls me a bad dad for not living in the town she lives in. It’s a super tiny town and I just couldn’t survive there. I visit them every month and FaceTime often. I’m trying to do the best I can. I believe that if I continue working hard where I am, I will be able to provide much more for my kids as they grow. Living where she lives I’d just be a nobody and live and die working in a factory. I don’t want that. I have ambition and goals, I always have. I don’t wanna give up on all of that just to punch a time clock in a factory. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s just not me. It’s not living up to my true potential. I say being a good dad and role model for my kids is someone who they see putting them through college, putting braces on there teeth, etc. That’s what I live and work for. Is them. To provide them what they need as they grow to be adults.

[Red88]

The situation is a mess. I get it. As a previous poster put it “popping out kids like a pez dispenser” was not smart on either of our parts. I was immature and irresponsible. The relationship had no foundation to make those kinds of decisions.

 

Boundaries

1)Was my suggestion to go minimal contact via email a bad idea? Minimal contact as in if I wanna talk to the kids I’d send a quick email asking when would be a good time to call kids. Also, i suggested to her if they need anything to just email me.

 

My goal is to heal. To be a good dad, and heal. Heal myself from emotionally being attached and having this obsession with trying to get my family back together.

 

Am I crazy ?! Is this a counseling sort of therapy/therapist scenario? I don’t have the money for all that unfortunately. I’m left to do this on my own and I need to beat this. It’s only mental and emotions. I know I can and will.

 

I’m just venting. I’m not on here to find a magic pill to suddenly solve my problem. What I’m doing is utilizing this forum to get my story out there. To SEE what others say. I do take all advice with a huge grain of salt. It’s my life and I’m not stupid. Just stuck, and reaching out there for opinions on this matter. I do appreciate everyones input.

[Red88]

My ex is a great full time mom. She doesn’t have to work for various reasons. So she’s with the kids 24/7 which I know drives her crazy sometimes.

 

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing by not living there. Sacrificing my hopes and dreams and living there may be the consequences of my actions. Idk.

 

Ughhhh going to bed

[Wiseman2]

It's just messing with your mind too much, that's all. And you don't need that right now. The best approach is to be the best man and father you can be and focus only on co-parenting. Don't show weakness by wanting her this much.

When you say to stop having sex when we see each other for whatever reason, is that because it would help with chances of reconciliation ?