Can you stay friends with an EX?

[liasonred]

I have an ex GF who wants to be friends...

 

We were together 6.5 yrs and have split, she has lied to me about the reasons behind the split but still wants us to be friends. Told her I don't think it could work.

 

I can see that the relationship is better over but not sure on the friends. I care for her immensly but don't really see what I could get out of being friends with her if that makes sense?

 

Is it better to forget and move on? or can being friends with an ex work?

[Belinda]

It really depends on the situation. Sometimes its better to cut off all ties and do NC, sometimes its better to stay friends (though often it can be quite tricky).

If you decide to be friends, be prepared for a rough ride. Between one or the other person getting what I like to call "false hope", having awkward momments of jealousy that you cant understand/explain and having ALL your relatives and friends think "Sureeee.... " and believe one cant be friends after being in a relationship, without getting 'benefits'.

But sometimes all that really is worth it.

After 6 years Id like to think she became almost your best friend, and maybe, if thats the case, you should really try and stay friends.

If it becomes too difficult, try non physical communication, like telephone, letters or email.

If that doesnt work, maybe its not worth bothering with.

Good luck!

[liasonred]

Your right she was and still is my best friend. I miss her to talk to and to now how she is.

 

It could be awkward tho and maybe more pain in the future for either of us.

 

Is there anyone out there who has successfully stayed friends with an ex?

[SilverManic]

It's difficalt to stay friends with an ex but if your willing to try then give it a go. Sometimes it's easier just to cut ex's out of your life, they can push you a little too much at times.

~S.

[RayKay]

Sure it can be done, but it takes commitment from BOTH partners...ironically sometimes more than when you were together, for a period of time while you redefine your relationship.

 

When my ex and I chose to remain friends it was a hard few months after the breakup for both of us, but we both really wanted to be friends and tried very hard, were very patient and understanding of one another and made it a priority to be friends. We are good now, and still talk often despite having both moved on in our lives. We do talk about our partners/dates and all of that with each other as well, it is just a friendship. While we of course still care about one another, it is no longer painful, and we have moved on.

 

A lot of people find they need to take a few months time before coming back as friends as well.

[chai714]

I think that a friendship can take place on a superficial level, but as you know things will never be the same again with her. A real friend would be there for her, listen to her talk about her dating life with other men and want nothing in return. I know most people could not and should not do this, so would you be a real friend? No, which is why I think that you could only be friends on a superficial level.

 

The history you two have together will always be on each of your minds. You'll always know deep down that you could have so much more than a friendship, and this will affect the way you treat her. So, in short . . .if you want your ex back, being her so called "friend" is not a good idea immediately following a breakup. Down the road, you may be able to come up with other tactics to have her in your life again, but being her friend will most likely not be genuine.

[mick8888]

the most simple, honest answer is no -- you can't really be friends with your ex, at least not until you are COMPLETELY over the breakup and have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever. if you have even the slightest shred of feeling for them in that way, it won't work. and i'm not being bitter or cynical, it's just a recipe for more misery on your part if you try to be friends with them before you are completely healed.

 

but generally, being friends with your ex is like putting gas into a car that's been totalled.

[Day_Walker]

A friendship with an EX is possible, IF AND ONLY IF both parties have moved on from the situation and want a friendship. In most cases it seems that one person has alterior motives and wants to get back together and in that case it would be hard to be just friends without causing difficulty for both persons.

[Nap-Man]

I made it one year in a friendship with my ex before I had to do NC to get over her. We were friends for almost 7 years before dating for 2.5. So I know how it feels to want to keep your best friend. I could handle all the ups and downs up until she started telling me to find other women and she started dating other guys. That was too much for me to see/hear and I had to cut it off for my sake. I guess my answer is that it is possible but make sure you are completely over them before you invest in a friendship. If you are not over them it can be almost as bad as the break-up if they hurt you again.

 

-Nap

[Iceman26]

She wants to be friends because she probably feels guilty over breaking up with you. As soon as she starts dating someone else, her new guy will more than likely want your friendship with her to end, and she will likely end that friendship with you, as she would no longer need you as a male figure in her life anymore; she will have the new guy.

 

I dont believe in friendships with exes, and I never dated women that were friends with exes. In my experience, its the best policy.

[mick8888]

Yeah it's weird, I'm in the position now where my ex-girlfriend really wants to be friends but she's been dating this guy for several months now and is pretty much living with him. He doesn't want her being friends with me but she told him that I'm too important to her to not be friends. But still, I know that she has no more feelings for me and that it is truly a friendship to her, but I'm still getting over her -- not that I want her back, but I'm still dealing with the pain of getting dumped, etc. Very complicated. Anyways, so yeah, I've decided that she and I simply can't be friends until I'm totally over her. Otherwise it's just a continuation of the pain. I don't think she can understand that because from where she sits, she's perfectly happy to have me as a friend since she has no feelings for me, and can't understand why I don't feel the same (how can people be so daft?) The day she said that she'd hoped I'd met some great girl by now pretty much sealed the deal on how she felt about me. Anyways, as much as I would like to be friends with her, since I do care about her, obviously I'm not entirely over her at this point and it would just do myself more damage.

[lady00]

I am friends with a couple of my exes. We're nowhere near as close as we were when we were dating but I think that's a good thing. There is one ex who I have tried being friends with but can't because he hurt me too much during our relationship. My two exes who I am friends with were both short relationships and in one case I am not attracted to the guy at all and in the other case, I don't see the guy very often and we don't talk that much but we are friends and talk every so often. I think it's hard being friends with someone who you love. And the longer the relationship was, often times, the less likely the chances for friendship simply because there was more time to get attached/fall in love with the person as a partner and it's hard to readjust after that. For me, I think that if someone hurts me badly during a relationship, I won't be friends with them afterwards or if I am still in love with them, I won't be friends.

My advice is that you need a good long break from your ex before you can decide whether you can be friends with her. Secondly, you need to make sure that if you do stay friends with her, it will not emotionally prevent you from entering into a new relationship. If it's easier to let her go and exit your life, do so. You need to do what will make you feel best and help you heal. The amount of time spent together and the closeness you shared as a couple is not really a good indicator of whether or not you should be friends...it's all about how you feel. Feel things out and make sure that if you decide to be friends that you are willing to accept that it may stay friendship forever and never evolve into anything else (who knows, it might but it's unlikely given that the relationship has already failed).