Can you be happy with someone who isn't your true love?

[katrina1980]

I've accepted it, hence why I know that we aren't getting back together. We want/wanted different things (which didn't really come up at the time), but it was still the best and most fulfilling relationship I've had in spite of the difficulties we had near the end. Most the 'relationships' I'd had before then (during my late teens) were either for the sake of being with someone or because of people talking me into being with someone. This was the first time I was dating someone because I genuinely liked them and wanted to be with them. In spite of the incompatibility, I still had these feelings and they were returned (maybe mine were stronger, but I know for certain that she at least loved me at one point). It took me nearly 5 years to find someone like that, and it feels like I was lucky to cross paths with them.

 

 

 

----

 

 

I just know that I don't want another relationship unless it's with someone I genuinely feel something for.

 

^This is how you should feel! It's not easy finding that connection, where everything clicks and flows naturally, almost effortlessly.

 

Recently, I've made the mistake of falling into to a "relationship" too soon (for various reasons) and after a few weeks/months realized we didn't fit.

 

Now I am taking my time. Dating is fun, but an exclusive relationship? Something else altogether, at least for me, right now.

 

Take your time, don't be so hard on yourself or let other people pressure you into it when you're not truly "feeling it"!

[thealchemist]

I've accepted it, hence why I know that we aren't getting back together. We want/wanted different things (which didn't really come up at the time), but it was still the best and most fulfilling relationship I've had in spite of the difficulties we had near the end. Most the 'relationships' I'd had before then (during my late teens) were either for the sake of being with someone or because of people talking me into being with someone. This was the first time I was dating someone because I genuinely liked them and wanted to be with them. In spite of the incompatibility, I still had these feelings and they were returned (maybe mine were stronger, but I know for certain that she at least loved me at one point). It took me nearly 5 years to find someone like that, and it feels like I was lucky to cross paths with them. I just know that I don't want another relationship unless it's with someone I genuinely feel something for.

How can you be incompatible with your "soul mate".

 

A lot of contradictions here.

 

You two were incompatible. You even say that. Yet you say you were perfectly meshed together...

 

Obviously not.

 

I would be depressed too if I thought my unsustainable relationship was the best I could have.

 

But lucky for you, you are just blinded by the sh*tty state you are in post breakup. Where contradictions run amok.

 

Just don't date anyone and bring them to your state and hopefully with some time you will be much better.

 

You aren't out of the pit yet, you need more time.

[Guardian452]

I'm aware of the incompatibility, it's just that everything else was fine asides from the one thing we had an issue with. It's not for lack of trying, but I've been trying to get out of this pit for a while, and I'm all over the place emotionally. It's helped me get back into writing songs, and that's the only thing that seems to be helping me get through this

[katrina1980]

I'm aware of the incompatibility, it's just that everything else was fine asides from the one thing we had an issue with. It's not for lack of trying, but I've been trying to get out of this pit for a while, and I'm all over the place emotionally. It's helped me get back into writing songs, and that's the only thing that seems to be helping me get through this

 

Writing is a terrific outlet; helps me too.

 

Continue with that, and remember, time heals.

 

It's true!

[canadaman815]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup and the emotional turmoil that ensues. I know personally how hard it is to get over a girl you were intent on spending the rest of your life with, and one who seemed to fulfill you emotionally. However, emotions are fleeting. People can change their minds about how they feel very quickly, and when that happens, it forces both people to think more maturely about their future relationships and what they need beyond emotions. For me, I ended up finding my wife 3 years later when I least expected it and when I had finally been able to move on, and she was much better for me. You have no idea what the future holds, and I mean that in the best way possible.

 

Do you have any hobbies, interests, or new things you can pursue further for the time being? Sounds like writing songs has been working well for you. Do you think it might help to talk to a counselor or mentor of some sort in order to process these feelings? Hoping that moving on gets easier, and that you never give up hope for the future.

[maew]

If I had a $ for every time I read that someone wanted to be “over” their LTR in 2 months I would be at least a thousandaire by now.

 

If you try to rush the grieving process it will just come back and bite you some other way. The feelings will sit and bubble until they overflow onto some poor unsuspecting girl.

 

I might be a anomaly in that I think you should date.... but not with the goal of getting into a relationship, just to meet as many different people as possible so you can realize the world doesn’t begin and end with your ex, and so you get some perspective on what you really want in a partner.

[NazRuby]

I am also in the same situation. I don't know whether I can give someone else in his place. But I believe 1 thing that is, time can heal every emotion and when I will get, someone will love me unconditionally & try to make his own special place in my life, I will be able to live a new beautiful relationship with him. Maybe:)

[catfeeder]

I might be a anomaly in that I think you should date.... but not with the goal of getting into a relationship, just to meet as many different people as possible so you can realize the world doesn’t begin and end with your ex, and so you get some perspective on what you really want in a partner.

 

There are far faaar better ways to get exposure to different people than needing to date them.

[figureitout23]

If I had a $ for every time I read that someone wanted to be “over” their LTR in 2 months I would be at least a thousandaire by now.

 

If you try to rush the grieving process it will just come back and bite you some other way.

 

.

 

Haha, if someone made a formula to magically get over an ex they'd be billionaires.

 

They made a movie about it for petes sake, but it seems posters take offense to being told 'you're not ready yet', even though it's an incredibly common thing. We are human.

 

Pain from heartbreak sucks, I think I'd rather break a toe than go through it willingly, but I will say, I think the healthier you are emotionally the more you're able to adept and accept. It's still going to hurt, but not to the point you're ordering a magic potion from Cleo the infomercial lady at 2 am. 😂

[Guardian452]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup and the emotional turmoil that ensues. I know personally how hard it is to get over a girl you were intent on spending the rest of your life with, and one who seemed to fulfill you emotionally. However, emotions are fleeting. People can change their minds about how they feel very quickly, and when that happens, it forces both people to think more maturely about their future relationships and what they need beyond emotions. For me, I ended up finding my wife 3 years later when I least expected it and when I had finally been able to move on, and she was much better for me. You have no idea what the future holds, and I mean that in the best way possible.

 

Do you have any hobbies, interests, or new things you can pursue further for the time being? Sounds like writing songs has been working well for you. Do you think it might help to talk to a counselor or mentor of some sort in order to process these feelings? Hoping that moving on gets easier, and that you never give up hope for the future.

 

Outside of music (playing guitar, listening to it and going to gigs), the only regular hobby I have is my D&D club. I'm not sure if we have counsellors/mentors here in the UK, unless you mean a therapist? I'd consider it as a last resort as I don't feel my issues are big enough to spend £60 having someone tell me exactly what everyone else is telling me.

 

As for the time, I know two months isn't a long time, but still, you'd think you'd at least start to get better by that point.

[catfeeder]

 

As for the time, I know two months isn't a long time, but still, you'd think you'd at least start to get better by that point.

 

That doesn't happen 'to' us, we participate in how we opt to focus. It's a decision.

[Unreasonable]

"One true love".

 

There is no such thing.