Texting in Early Stages of Dating

[Ian4996]

Hi All,

 

I'm after a bit of an outside perspective here. On Saturday, I had a date with a girl I've known for a bit, we had a great date and slept together. However, she's now become hacked off with the disinterest that she thinks I've displayed since over text.

My initial reaction is that she's just being over-sensitive and a bit diva-ish. However, the same thing happened after the first time I slept with my last girlfriend, and the fact that the same thing has happened with both girls has made me start to question myself.

 

If I may, let me post the text interaction we've had since the date. I'll leave off all names and identifying details so assume this is ok (but obviously if not, I'll delete)

 

Sun

 

14:26 Her: Heyyy...did you get home ok last night?

14:48 Me: Yo

Yeah.......................although half the motorway was shut so had to go all around (Town Name)...................took over an hour

How's your Sunday going? xx

14:58 Her: No wayyy

Going slow. Woke up eat and sleep again and now outside just had my lunch. Doing a little bit of groceries. Thought want to sit in Starbucks doing some work but maybe change my mind now. How was the match?

16:11 Me: The match was a bit of a frustrating one!

We were playing top of the league but we had loads of players missing so my partner (it's a doubles league) was a 68 year old!

So obviously we got beat!

But to be fair, I had years out injured (I've had 4 knee operations) so I just appreciate being fit now and able to play! xx

17:38 Her: Oh bugger! Sorry to hear that. I hope it didn't affect your day. Yeah, as long as you can still play, that's all that matters! x

21:38 Me: Haha no it's not spoilt my day

How much work did ya get done in Starbucks then? xx

 

Mon

 

11:26 Her: Quite a lot actually

12:50 Me: Swot

 

Tue

 

21:58 Me: Yo!

How's your Tuesday? xx

22:02 Her: Good, u?

22:16 Me: Yeah good ta

Just home from tennis.....................and yeah I was the captain before ya ask

22:22 Her: Haha.......ok

22:28 Me: You ok? You're not being very talkative! xx

22:28 Her: I'm ok. I'm just being like you!

22:29 Me: Haha! I am talking tho...............

22:31 Her: Not really

It took you a while to reply to my Whatsapp message on Sunday when you were online

22:33 Me: Did I? I didn't realise!

Anyway, don't be pissed off with me! What have ya got planned rest of the week? xx

 

And there we have it. 2 days later, no response. And as I said, a very similar thing happened with my ex in the early stages (although we did end up getting back on track).

So I'd appreciate some thoughts on whether I am doing anything wrong? (not so much for this girl, I think that ship's sailed, but for future dating). Or whether I've just been dealing with 2 different women who read too much into texting / response times etc?

[Wiseman2]

All you talk about is yourself, your activities, your friends etc. Very little interest, if any about them or asking them out. No wonder they lose interest.

[limichelle]

I agree with wiseman. There is no asking her about her really, just a brief thing about Starbucks and then the main focus goes back to you. She probably feels a bit jaded that you aren't taking initiative in getting to know her.

[Ian4996]

Wiseman & Limichelle, thanks that's interesting. I'm not a big texter in general and I wouldn't say that I was any less nonchalant when we were texting before we had the date. But I'm guessing that having slept with me (which is quite a big thing for a lot of women), she expected me to step it up a bit and felt a bit used.

 

I would say in general that I don't find it easy to strike the right balance in texting between too cool and too eager and interested. I'd probably have found things a lot simpler and easier in the days before texting / Facebook / Whatsapp!

[j.man]

Don't play into that drama. You don't owe anyone any rate of response when just shooting the **** one year in, never mind after one date. Consider yourself thankful she exposed this side of her this soon.

 

In the future, scale back the texting altogether. If you want to get to know someone more, ask them out more. I won't say you alone botched it on that one as she was welcome to invite you out at any point just as well.

 

But, to add for your part, you shouldn't have called her out on not being talkative, either, even if out of concern. You'll either come off as insincere or not allowing someone to simply not be talkative just for the sake of it.

 

You both sound young. You'll enhance your craft. Don't kick yourself.

[DancingFool]

Instead of worrying about being either too cool or too eager, maybe just aim for normal conversation and make it a point to arrange the next date. You are posting here and expressing yourself very well. Your text conversation....it's almost like a different person talking. I actually find that part weird.

[Wiseman2]

Don't text out of guilt or for nonsense reasons. Just text better content less often such as asking her out, etc.

I'm not a big texter in general. I'm guessing that having slept with me, she expected me to step it up a bit and felt a bit used.

[Sportster2005]

I don't thing the point is what you wrote. The point is she lost interest. The reasons will never be known. Best not to worry about it, and just move on. Generally, I think we spend too much time analysing and wondering, and not enough time shrugging it off, and moving forward.

[Ian4996]

I don't thing the point is what you wrote. The point is she lost interest. The reasons will never be known. Best not to worry about it, and just move on. Generally, I think we spend too much time analysing and wondering, and not enough time shrugging it off, and moving forward.

 

In general, I'd agree not to over-think or over-analyse, however, I think that if the same thing goes wrong with 2 consecutive girls, you should have a look at yourself (as I have done by creating this thread)

[Ian4996]

Don't text out of guilt or for nonsense reasons. Just text better content less often such as asking her out, etc.

 

Thanks, yeah, I agree

[Ian4996]

Instead of worrying about being either too cool or too eager, maybe just aim for normal conversation and make it a point to arrange the next date. You are posting here and expressing yourself very well. Your text conversation....it's almost like a different person talking. I actually find that part weird.

 

Thanks, interesting point, and taken

[Ian4996]

Don't play into that drama. You don't owe anyone any rate of response when just shooting the **** one year in, never mind after one date. Consider yourself thankful she exposed this side of her this soon..

 

Thanks, I was thinking the same thing myself - that even though my texting wasn't great (for the reasons people on here have pointed out), her reactions have raised red flags with me.

 

With my last girlfriend, I ignored a lot of early red flags and it didn't end well and I made a vow that it was to be a lesson learned. So I think that even if this girl did get back in touch now, I'd be wary about continuing things. I won't lie, this makes me feel quite sad as I'd got to know her in a group setting for 2-3 months before our date Saturday so there was a long build up to it. But then these things happen and sometimes people aren't quite the people we hoped they would be.