isabelle Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 So I know this is probably quite a complicated situation, and it's a little dumb but it does get on my nerves pretty often. I'm in first year of university, and I met someone during freshers and I have continued to have a relationship with them so we see each other pretty often, but we aren't committed to each other. I have told him that I have feelings for him, but honestly I feel like they might be starting to fade and aren't quite the same but I want to leave things open and I like having sex with him. Fast forward the year, I am close with a friendship group of guys, and one of the guys (who has had sex with my friend) admits he likes me and insists he really doesn't like her and that he always "wanted" me. So this whole time, he says he was pursuing me, and although he messages my friend a lot, he knows we are always together and that we come in a pair. So he slyly messages her to get to me. My friend was kind of ok with us doing stuff because she doesn't like him. But I wasn't going to sleep with him at all. This was after we spent a night cuddling at his place, he told me all of this. I feel interested to see where it could go, so I kiss him back and we spend a night together when he admitted this (no sex) (JUST KISSING) So the next night, I go out clubbing again, and the guy from freshers starts messaging me. In my mind, this is the guy I truly want, so I accept and I go over to his despite being quite intoxicated... I end up having sex with him AGAIN because this is what we always do when we meet. This time though, he covers me with hickeys all over my neck. Honestly, I really like the guy from freshers and I don't know, I just feel more inclined to be with him. So I would rather just go out with him than have anything with anyone else. But when these things come up unexpectedly, such as someone admitting that they like you, it kind of throws you off the whole plan...i said I was interested in him too and that I liked him back (i mean you wouldn't really kiss someone you didn't like...would you?????) maybe he got the wrong idea of what i meant by "Like" because perhaps in this university culture, you can kiss and have sex with people without liking them...hmm. The next day, I am not in my right mind and I invite the guy over (the one who insisted he likes me) and i am covered in hickeys. I feel like I did this on purpose, but I really did not expect him to be as pissed as he was. So when he came over I started feeling very nauseous as I was quite hungover from the night before, i also had barely slept...but I let him come over because he had wanted to spend the night with me after i went clubbing but i went to the other guys place instead so i felt bad.... He asked several times if I wanted him to leave, then at the end i finally asked him to leave because I was feeling sick. He was being quite distant already and he mentioned seeing my hickeys and he looked a bit upset. After he left, I received a message saying he was really disappointed and that he didn't think I would be like that...but we only literally kissed the night before and that was it (I really didn't think it was that DEEP!) and he then proceeded to swear at me over a text message, multiple times, calling me stupid and saying things like F U. And just swearing a lot in general, saying he never wanted to be friends or anything and that he never cared in the first place and he never cared??? He couldn't believe i said i liked him and then had sex with someone else, even though the other person has always been there... After all this I was extremely shocked at the way someone had spoken to me, because I've never been sworn at in this manner before in my entire life. And naturally I was feeling a bit sorry for myself because I didn't deserve to be spoken to in this way. The next day, he claimed not to be pissed at all...but he clearly was and he told my friend I was overreacting but I wasn't...I was just trying to remain calm throughout the whole thing and get him to understand what he was doing. Now he doesn't really talk to me, but he still invites my friend and me to the gatherings with his friends and drives us around and what not but he is still affectionate with my friend (hugging her and stuff). My friend has done stuff with his friends so he said he didn't like her because of this and the reason he really liked me was because of my personality and (also my looks) apparantly. But it's awkward with him because yesterday he was at the club again and I kissed my freshers guy there as well and apparantly the whole friendship group saw... He sounds like an f boy i know. I know I need to get a life and stop worrying about guys so much and be more involved in my studies or whatever. But at the moment I have literally 1 friend in my course and that's it. It's easter holidays now, so everyone has gone back home. but I do care about people's feelings and I don't want to hurt them. I've been getting into quite a lot of arguments lately and it's quite upsetting. - Isabelle xxx Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Unfortunately you seem to pick losers to sleep with and/or have sex with. As well, you seem to pass guys around with your friends for rides. Who is wrong about what? I invite the guy over the one who insisted he likes me and i am covered in hickeys. He couldn't believe i said i liked him and then had sex with someone else. he doesn't really talk to me, but he still invites my friend and me to the gatherings with his friends and drives us around and what not but he is still affectionate with my friend hugging her and stuff. Link to comment
isabelle Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 Who is in the wrong, am I wrong? So I'm the one who sleeps with losers? Interesting because I've only slept with one person at university. So that's quite a generalisation to make. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 I can't fathom why you thought it was a good idea to invite this guy over when you're hungover and covered in hickeys, OP. That was plain ridiculous on your part and I don't blame him for being angry with you. Yes, he had a strong reaction and likely said things he shouldn't have. But girl, you cannot play with people like that. You said you felt like you did this on purpose - why is that? I would stay away from both these guys for a while. You're young and free to have fun, but you have to be mindful of your own behaviour moving forward. I am sure you wouldn't have liked showing up at a guy's place to spend the night, only to find him with hickeys from his romp the night before. Actions have consequences. Learn from this and use more discretion next time. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Yes, agree with Wiseman. Not having actual sex is only a technicality. You're wasting the best years of your life worrying about loser guys. Next time you don't want to be seen with hickeys all over your neck......don't get hickeys. Link to comment
polarseltzer Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 You. You are wrong. You claim he sounds like an "f boy", but your behavior is one of a "f boy". This man tells you he likes you, you spend an evening talking and cuddling, then sleep with another man, and invite the man over who already confessed his feelings for you with hickeys on your neck. That's incredibly juvenile and disrespectful. Now that doesn't warrant him swearing at you, but something tells me your responses to his texts probably provoked an angered response based on your behavior that you describe. And you're right, you should be focusing on school and learning how to develop and maintain healthy friendships and relationships becvause your behavior is ridiculous. The people you meet in college are your future networking contacts and referrals, so instead of treating them with no respect, work on developing boundaries. Link to comment
yatsue Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 I wouldn't say you're in the wrong. You didn't promise anything to these guys, only mentioning you like one while being casual towards both. If someone takes it the wrong way then that's their problem, not yours. You shouldn't have to act like an instant girlfriend when you just said you like a guy, and no guy should ever expect this of you until there's a mutual label established. If you want to stop the drama, then stop communicating with the troublemaker. Jealousy is ugly and you're discovering it now. When this happens, you should learn how to cut these people out of your life to avoid a headache. Link to comment
j.man Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 The next day, I am not in my right mind and I invite the guy over (the one who insisted he likes me) and i am covered in hickeys. I feel like I did this on purpose, but I really did not expect him to be as pissed as he was. So when he came over I started feeling very nauseous as I was quite hungover from the night before, i also had barely slept...but I let him come over because he had wanted to spend the night with me after i went clubbing but i went to the other guys place instead so i felt bad....And he's the "f boy?" I wouldn't get caught up on who's right or wrong. I'm not certain there is a "good guy" in this scenario. Focus on not doing goofy **** like inviting a guy over when you're riddled with hickeys and are in a state you'd make terrible company. Stupid games will net you stupid prizes, and I'll be honest, your post makes you sound like the heiress to Milton Bradley. - j.man xoxo Link to comment
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 IMO you can sleep with anyone you want, you made no commitment to anyone and it's college where free lovin is the norm. The dude is upset because he didn't get with you while the other guy got to. Oh well he can just move on then. You owe him nothing. The crappy thing you did was meet up with the guy, displaying your hickies. You have no class that is what you are guilty of. It is what it is....just live with it and move forward. Life wouldn't be life if we didn't make some poor choices along the way. Link to comment
isabelle Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 I feel like sometimes I literally don't think things through... Well. I have ADHD and bipolar disorder if that explains anything... Therefore I can be impulsive. Link to comment
isabelle Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 I can't fathom why you thought it was a good idea to invite this guy over when you're hungover and covered in hickeys, OP. That was plain ridiculous on your part and I don't blame him for being angry with you. Yes, he had a strong reaction and likely said things he shouldn't have. But girl, you cannot play with people like that. You said you felt like you did this on purpose - why is that? I would stay away from both these guys for a while. You're young and free to have fun, but you have to be mindful of your own behaviour moving forward. I am sure you wouldn't have liked showing up at a guy's place to spend the night, only to find him with hickeys from his romp the night before. Actions have consequences. Learn from this and use more discretion next time. I understand your point, but say someone has ADHD and bipolar (ME) - this is going to make them more impulsive. Although as someone said below, what would life be without making mistakes on the way. I really feel bad for playing with his feelings, however at the same time I didn't think he liked me that much to get so upset despite him telling me! I thought I was just a sex object to him anyway. Which shows how low my self-esteem can be. Link to comment
isabelle Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 LOOOOL thank you for your comment! But the whole future networking contacts thing makes me laugh. That's the difference with me and the majority of people. I tend not to think about the future too much, but I focus a lot on the present. The future is just a concept which may never really happen. Obviously I'm not going to go out of my way to intentionally treat people with disrespect. But if people don't want to be in my life, I literally don't care! Don't be in my life then. I will succeed anyway, I am a likeable person, I already have great contacts and I have a great future ahead of me. Also I've mentioned this before, but considering I have ADHD and bipolar disorder, I am just learning along the way - that my impulsiveness can be a real struggle. And this guy hasn't completely expelled me from his life, he still wants to see me frequently. So. I don't know really. Link to comment
isabelle Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 I wouldn't say you're in the wrong. You didn't promise anything to these guys, only mentioning you like one while being casual towards both. If someone takes it the wrong way then that's their problem, not yours. You shouldn't have to act like an instant girlfriend when you just said you like a guy, and no guy should ever expect this of you until there's a mutual label established. If you want to stop the drama, then stop communicating with the troublemaker. Jealousy is ugly and you're discovering it now. When this happens, you should learn how to cut these people out of your life to avoid a headache. thanks Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Are you being treated for it? Getting drunk doesn't seem to being helping you considering I have ADHD and bipolar disorder. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 I understand your point, but say someone has ADHD and bipolar (ME) - this is going to make them more impulsive. Although as someone said below, what would life be without making mistakes on the way. I really feel bad for playing with his feelings, however at the same time I didn't think he liked me that much to get so upset despite him telling me! I thought I was just a sex object to him anyway. Which shows how low my self-esteem can be. Of course. But you then also need to understand others' reactions won't always be very understanding when you act on impulse and do hurtful things. Living in the here and now (and not focusing on the future) doesn't equate to doing whatever you want with no consequences for your actions. You tried to paint this guy as a jerk, but personal accountability goes a long way too. Link to comment
isabelle Posted April 11, 2018 Author Share Posted April 11, 2018 Turns out he is a jerk because he was doing someone on the side as well! :) Link to comment
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