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isabelle

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  1. yeah true, haha i didnt realise people actually thought about old posts, the guy who covered my neck in hickeys is actually the guy im talking about in this post. and the guy who got jealous wasn't my boyfriend, he thought we were something more but i didnt see it that way. you are right in the sense that if i want a serious relationship i should find a mature guy, but the reality is that i would have to be dating guys much older than myself as i'm only 18. and i really dislike the thought of that, as the seriousness of an older, more mature guy would place too much pressure on me as a college student. i think it's just a fact that i need to accept, that no one at our age is going to want a very serious relationship and i shouldn't be expecting it from anyone. having sex like you said does cause some serious emotions and i shouldn't assume that people are going to want a relationship afterwards or assume that they love me because sex is a biological need. for girls, it has been biologically proven that they become more attached instantly due to an increase in oxytocin levels and this is something that many people cannot seem to override (including me) as your body tricks you into thinking you like them more than you actually do. i think i will stop playing games like this if i want to avoid unnecessary drama, and if i participate in the games as well, then i need to be able to handle any drama that comes my way and not expect anything good out of it
  2. you know what, you're right, after several disappointments now, i feel like i've matured over night. what was i expecting? we're 18 years old...we're children...how could i truly expect to find the right person for me right now, unless he's a mature old man and i don't think i'm ready for that. most people at 18 aren't looking for serious relationships and it would be ridiculous to assume that everyone wants this he may have feelings for me, but it may just stop there. i really have to stop allowing things like this to affect me.
  3. he got extremely jealous last night at the summer ball party thing because he saw me make out with another guy, mind you, i saw him make out with another girl about half an hour earlier so i assumed that was an "ok" to do so, but clearly it wasn't because he got so mad at the situation, he states he's not mad at me but just the situation... he kept saying the girl he got with was ugly, like i care, btw. but yeah, i guess i'm just feeling really low and depressed now because i don't like making people feel bad, even tho i did it on purpose to get back at him...my kiss meant nothing with that guy and it was all just to make him react i confronted him about not being his girlfriend and he gives me the deadest replies like what would be the point... ive told him that i love him bc i do and i feel like thats just driving him away even more, im so stressed we've been going on now for months and months but it's been getting more serious lately i guess, he still wont commit tho and i want to cry my eyes out because i like him more than anyone also he said that if i loved him i would never have kissed the guy, but its simply untrue because whenever i say i love him, he never says it back so it's one sided...which means that i am free to do what i want, im not going to stop living my life bc he doesn't love me back and he said that if he was in love he would never do that (kiss someone else) even though seeing a guy kiss me made him so angry that it was "a feeling he's never felt before" and that the guy needed to get off what was "his" im starting to think our relationship is toxic and means nothing. and what's worse is that his family won't ever accept me bc i'm not part of his culture. but he has admitted to having feelings for me, but he doesn't love me... you may wonder why i place so much emphasis on the word love, for some reason it offers me a lot of security, if he had said he loved me in the first place, i would have felt ok and i would have never kissed anyone and neither would he, but clearly he doesn't like me enough to say that he loves me but it's funny because our versions of what we think love means are completely subjective and yeah i need to get a hobby...but its exam season and im stressed af
  4. You seem like a very sweet-natured person and it sounds like you're feeling a bit down on a bunch of things, but mainly you seem to be afraid of rejection. First of all, human beings are NOT perfect. Perfection really doesn't exist, it's all in how you view something, something can be perfect for you, but not another person and vice versa. Perfection could be having tried your absolute hardest on something. I can completely relate to everything you are saying. I have definitely felt this way at some point in my life. I'm only 18 years old, but the way I overcame it was through 1. Time and life lessons. To skip all that, I think one of things that has helped me a lot has been to accept that I am DIFFERENT but I am also very NORMAL. These two things can correlate. Just because you're "different", doesn't mean you are abnormal. In fact, we are all different! Imagine if we were all the same! I have come to terms with the fact that everyone has different opinions on things and you should accept that, but you should also accept that you also have different opinions on things and they are perfectly valid. Not everyone will agree with you all the time! and that is ok, however a bunch of other people will. And those who don't agree, should also respect that you have different opinions. Don't be afraid of rejection, because it's not rejection, it's simply disagreeing. At university, I have made friends with a great bunch of girls who are very care-free and I think they have rubbed off on me. We all have different opinions on a variety of things, and I genuinely think that just because you have different opinions - doesn't mean you can't get on with people! Me and my friends - we get on SO well. And of course we share very similar beliefs and values but we also don't and I respect that and we respect each other. In life, you will come across people who put you down. Don't be afraid to tell someone if they have genuinely hurt your feelings. But at the same time, just because someone disagrees with you - it isn't a reflection of who you are. You literally don't have to worry about it in the slightest or even care. Because you should have confidence in how you feel! Just because someone doesn't agree with me, sure I'll listen to their idea, but doesn't mean I actually will agree with them. It is 100% valid to feel different, because we all are and people won't reject you! Have confidence in yourself...you say you are surrounded by great people and that is great! Doesn't mean you're not great. And also I can relate to having a LOT of thoughts. Something that a lot of people have sought to is writing, have you ever thought about that? Or perhaps starting a blog. You can write to it daily and you can read articles or whatever, and critique them. It could be whatever you want it to be about. Simply your opinions on a huge variety of different topics if you'd like or you could do a lot of reading on topics as well to help you with it.
  5. Turns out he is a jerk because he was doing someone on the side as well! :)
  6. LOOOOL thank you for your comment! But the whole future networking contacts thing makes me laugh. That's the difference with me and the majority of people. I tend not to think about the future too much, but I focus a lot on the present. The future is just a concept which may never really happen. Obviously I'm not going to go out of my way to intentionally treat people with disrespect. But if people don't want to be in my life, I literally don't care! Don't be in my life then. I will succeed anyway, I am a likeable person, I already have great contacts and I have a great future ahead of me. Also I've mentioned this before, but considering I have ADHD and bipolar disorder, I am just learning along the way - that my impulsiveness can be a real struggle. And this guy hasn't completely expelled me from his life, he still wants to see me frequently. So. I don't know really.
  7. I understand your point, but say someone has ADHD and bipolar (ME) - this is going to make them more impulsive. Although as someone said below, what would life be without making mistakes on the way. I really feel bad for playing with his feelings, however at the same time I didn't think he liked me that much to get so upset despite him telling me! I thought I was just a sex object to him anyway. Which shows how low my self-esteem can be.
  8. I feel like sometimes I literally don't think things through... Well. I have ADHD and bipolar disorder if that explains anything... Therefore I can be impulsive.
  9. Who is in the wrong, am I wrong? So I'm the one who sleeps with losers? Interesting because I've only slept with one person at university. So that's quite a generalisation to make.
  10. So I know this is probably quite a complicated situation, and it's a little dumb but it does get on my nerves pretty often. I'm in first year of university, and I met someone during freshers and I have continued to have a relationship with them so we see each other pretty often, but we aren't committed to each other. I have told him that I have feelings for him, but honestly I feel like they might be starting to fade and aren't quite the same but I want to leave things open and I like having sex with him. Fast forward the year, I am close with a friendship group of guys, and one of the guys (who has had sex with my friend) admits he likes me and insists he really doesn't like her and that he always "wanted" me. So this whole time, he says he was pursuing me, and although he messages my friend a lot, he knows we are always together and that we come in a pair. So he slyly messages her to get to me. My friend was kind of ok with us doing stuff because she doesn't like him. But I wasn't going to sleep with him at all. This was after we spent a night cuddling at his place, he told me all of this. I feel interested to see where it could go, so I kiss him back and we spend a night together when he admitted this (no sex) (JUST KISSING) So the next night, I go out clubbing again, and the guy from freshers starts messaging me. In my mind, this is the guy I truly want, so I accept and I go over to his despite being quite intoxicated... I end up having sex with him AGAIN because this is what we always do when we meet. This time though, he covers me with hickeys all over my neck. Honestly, I really like the guy from freshers and I don't know, I just feel more inclined to be with him. So I would rather just go out with him than have anything with anyone else. But when these things come up unexpectedly, such as someone admitting that they like you, it kind of throws you off the whole plan...i said I was interested in him too and that I liked him back (i mean you wouldn't really kiss someone you didn't like...would you?????) maybe he got the wrong idea of what i meant by "Like" because perhaps in this university culture, you can kiss and have sex with people without liking them...hmm. The next day, I am not in my right mind and I invite the guy over (the one who insisted he likes me) and i am covered in hickeys. I feel like I did this on purpose, but I really did not expect him to be as pissed as he was. So when he came over I started feeling very nauseous as I was quite hungover from the night before, i also had barely slept...but I let him come over because he had wanted to spend the night with me after i went clubbing but i went to the other guys place instead so i felt bad.... He asked several times if I wanted him to leave, then at the end i finally asked him to leave because I was feeling sick. He was being quite distant already and he mentioned seeing my hickeys and he looked a bit upset. After he left, I received a message saying he was really disappointed and that he didn't think I would be like that...but we only literally kissed the night before and that was it (I really didn't think it was that DEEP!) and he then proceeded to swear at me over a text message, multiple times, calling me stupid and saying things like F U. And just swearing a lot in general, saying he never wanted to be friends or anything and that he never cared in the first place and he never cared??? He couldn't believe i said i liked him and then had sex with someone else, even though the other person has always been there... After all this I was extremely shocked at the way someone had spoken to me, because I've never been sworn at in this manner before in my entire life. And naturally I was feeling a bit sorry for myself because I didn't deserve to be spoken to in this way. The next day, he claimed not to be pissed at all...but he clearly was and he told my friend I was overreacting but I wasn't...I was just trying to remain calm throughout the whole thing and get him to understand what he was doing. Now he doesn't really talk to me, but he still invites my friend and me to the gatherings with his friends and drives us around and what not but he is still affectionate with my friend (hugging her and stuff). My friend has done stuff with his friends so he said he didn't like her because of this and the reason he really liked me was because of my personality and (also my looks) apparantly. But it's awkward with him because yesterday he was at the club again and I kissed my freshers guy there as well and apparantly the whole friendship group saw... He sounds like an f boy i know. I know I need to get a life and stop worrying about guys so much and be more involved in my studies or whatever. But at the moment I have literally 1 friend in my course and that's it. It's easter holidays now, so everyone has gone back home. but I do care about people's feelings and I don't want to hurt them. I've been getting into quite a lot of arguments lately and it's quite upsetting. - Isabelle xxx
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