Relationship Break

[jimdandy]

Time for my annual bump 🤦🏻‍♂️

I came across a photo of her and she appears to be expecting. It has hit me in the stomach like a severe body blow.

3 years plus since the breakup and I'm still not over it. What the hell is wrong with me and when will I ever get my life back...

[boltnrun]

19 minutes ago, jimdandy said:

I came across a photo of her

How did you "come across" this photo?  Are you still searching for her on social media sites?

[jimdandy]

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How did you "come across" this photo?  Are you still searching for her on social media sites?

Her WhatsApp profile photo - stupid idea, I know

[SooSad33]

You two had been having rough time since about X-mas?  Split up, basically.

Distance is not the answer to some complications.. and so, a 'break' is basically a break up.

You did split.

I wonder though, with you two being involved 4 yrs and within months, she is expecting?  Whoaa... that's a lot & quite fast, eh?  😮 

 

Okay- read again.. sorry, lol.

You said it's been 3 yrs since your BU.. so she has moved on, obviously.

Sadly, no one knows their future 😕 .. what we'd like and end up as, is not always how WE wanted it... Hard, I know.. But, there's obviously something holding YOU back about all of this?

Maybe either try other ways to 'accept' this, work through your emotions.. or consider some prof help?

 

[boltnrun]

53 minutes ago, jimdandy said:

Her WhatsApp profile photo - stupid idea, I know

What is your thought process when you decide to look at her social media?  What is the goal you have in mind when choosing to do so?

[jimdandy]

Just now, boltnrun said:

What is your thought process when you decide to look at her social media?  What is the goal you have in mind when choosing to do so?

I don't know, curiosity I suppose, the hope that she might be single again perhaps.

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, jimdandy said:

I don't know, curiosity I suppose, the hope that she might be single again perhaps.

If you did somehow deduce she's single what would you do then?  Try to contact her and ask to reconcile?  Ask to see her?  Ask if she still loves you?

Fact is, she has moved on.  She would likely presume you have moved on as well.

It seems each time you do so it sends you back to day one of the breakup.  That seems a bit counterproductive, no?  You're choosing to do something that you know upsets you.

Breaking a habit is not easy, but sometimes it's the best thing to do.  Next time you're tempted to look for her on social media say out loud "I am deliberately choosing to hurt myself if I do this.  I do not need to do this and I choose not to."  Then go do something else.  It'll take some time but you can train yourself to stop.

[lostandhurt]

You are human so don't make this into some kind of "I will never get over her" thing.  We just had one of those on here.  You saw a picture and it brought back feelings and all that hurt and you felt it.  That is human and happens to everyone.

  The key is to see it for what it is and keep moving forward.  You were okay before you stupidly exposed yourself to her life and you will be okay again very soon.  Give yourself a break and please stop looking her up.  No good will come from it.

Lost

[Jibralta]

12 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Next time you're tempted to look for her on social media say out loud "I am deliberately choosing to hurt myself if I do this.  I do not need to do this and I choose not to."  Then go do something else.  It'll take some time but you can train yourself to stop.

Not a bad way of looking at it, actually. That really is what you're doing: hurting yourself.