anonjoy Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I'm seventeen and I have been with my boyfriend for a year. Our relationship is probably about as serious as it can be at such a young age, and I definitely wouldn't compare it to a fully adult relationship. This is probably partly due to physical restrictions, such as living with our parents, being unable to drive, being financially constricted etc. There are definitely also emotional restrictions (I'd say especially more so with myself) which make our relationship perhaps slightly more withdrawn from the relationship that is considered normal. However, a major issue arises in relation to my boyfriend's parents. We're both still in full-time education, in our final years of A-Levels, and personally, I need to achieve high grades in my exams for University entrance. My boyfriend is in the same position too, but he works nowhere near as hard as I do, and it sometimes really puts a strain on our relationship. However, this is worsened by his parents, who always seem to get offended when I don't visit their house for a couple of months or don't attend family events. I had never thought of this as a big deal, after all, my boyfriend and I see each other regularly at college and frankly, we're not married. Therefore, our lives aren't completely merged and we still very much have separate family/ friend obligations. This isn't to say that I never make any effort. I try to see them as regularly as I can, I always try and attend events for immediate families (such as birthdays) and I even went away with his family for a few nights last summer, but all of the efforts that I make seem to just get forgotten. Similarly, both my boyfriend and his parents seem to forget that my boyfriend doesn't come to events for my family either. He missed both my brother and my dad's birthdays, and he didn't even buy either of them a card or wish them a happy birthday. It was his mum's birthday around the same time, and I made sure she had a card in time and contributed a large amount of money towards buying her a present alongside my boyfriend. I also went out with his family to celebrate. I'll admit, I do avoid attending events with his extended family. I have met them a few times, but I suffer quite badly with social anxiety so things like this can be really challenging and difficult for me. I just can't help feeling that I don't really know them, so going to their birthday events or weddings just feels wrong. There is also the feeling that spending time with his extended family makes our relationship serious, and frankly I don't think that I feel mature for it yet. I empathise with why this could cause upset, but surely it's unfair to always expect me to always go above and beyond when considering all of these factors. I could really do with some advice, I don't dislike his parents, family or friends. In fact, they've always been really nice to me, but when I'm not there, I know that they make comments about these things as my boyfriend tells me (I don't think he realises that I take offence) which makes me upset and more stressed than I already am from school. I can't help but feel like they forget that we're not married and are both still really young, especially as his parents are older and are a really close couple. I don't want to cause offence, but I equally don't want to completely sacrifice my own life, work and happiness. Please help. Link to comment
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