I feel like I need him badly in my life and it's just breaking me down

[AAvr1315]

How long does healing after a breakup really take. It seems like the faster I keep wanting to move on the faster I fall right back to him.

 

Is there an actual time limit per say?

7plus years being with someone doesn't just go away like that and to hi. It did to him, he moved on quick. How does one do that?

 

I'm trying to keep it together, not think about him and just try and focus on me and my kids. But when my head starts thinking I can't forget about him. I text him and call him and not proud of still having sex. I see it's wrong and I should stop and move on but I can't it's so hard.

[wgmitch]

I'm so sorry, 7 years in a long time and the healing process will take time and effort on your part. First you need to stop this...

 

"I text him and call him and not proud of still having sex."

 

You will not be able to even start the healing without letting go first. You said he moved on, but you're still having contact and sex? That doesn't sound good.

 

He is holding you back from living the life you really want and it's out there.

 

I recommend going no contact. If he is involved with the kids, conversation should be on point and about them and that's it. You will continue to feel like you need him until you stop contacting him and start thinking of a new life.

 

You need to take care of yourself first now. Get out with family and friends. Exercise, eat right and take vitamins to keep you healthy. Start to focus on one day at a time. You will be okay.

 

Mitch

[MissCanuck]

I was with an ex for 7.5 years when I pieced together that he was being unfaithful.

 

After we broke up, I stayed single for a good year. I needed to get myself back together and feel healed enough to venture out into the dating world again. We couldn't go full No Contact right away, as lived together as common-law partners and needed to untangle ourselves from a logistic and financial standpoint. But once that was done, there was truly nothing else to say and my focus was on getting to know myself again as a single woman.

 

I've long since moved on from that, and you will too, but you first need to help yourself and stay away from him. You can't and won't recover as long as you continue to see him and sleep with him. You can move on; don't tell yourself you can't because that's simply not true. And yes, it will be hard. It will hurt. But the hurt won't last forever either.

[boltnrun]

Since he's living with another woman, I can't see how having sex with him will help you move forward.

 

Only you can control your own actions. But if you insist on continuing to have sex with him I can guarantee you will not move forward.

[reinventmyself]

Unfortunately there are no short cuts. It hurts and you need to process the pain.

Do you have any family or friends that can support you during this time?

[AAvr1315]

First step I'm taking met with a lawyer and working on the child support.

[reinventmyself]

First step I'm taking met with a lawyer and working on the child support.

 

Good! That will make you feel empowered and help you feel like you have some control in your life.

One foot in front of the other!

[Lambert]

talk to him about new boundaries.

 

kids, lawyers, try to break off financially and arrange custody.

 

no sex. no texts. only to work out any plans as mentioned above.

 

if he's moved on then there's no way i'd have sex or anything intimate/affectionate/inside jokes/fun with him.

 

pull it together! do not be used like this. you deserve better. so do the kids. where's the respect?!

[AAvr1315]

I'm just feeling ty about myself. I can't control the part of me to text him and if he feels like it he replies but then if I'm being dramatic or he doesn't want to put up with what I say he ignores me and just stops replying.

 

I'm dumb I know I'm trying to not contact him. But in a way I feel like I need to hear it from him, an explanation, an apology something..

[AAvr1315]

Its hard. I cant help but want to know what he's doing, if he does with her what he would with me, if he really stoped loving me ans if he really loves her now. Just all kind of things that cross my crazy mimd

[AAvr1315]

At the moment it just happened, it's not good I figured that. I had a emotional break down and texted him. About how I still want him. He said he can't be there for me like I want him to. That he can help me when he can if I need help with something but it can't continue to be where I still text him for anything since we aren't together..

[AAvr1315]

It's just hard.

[maew]

It took me two years of pretty much no contact with my ex of 15 years... and most definitely not sex or even a friendship with him... for me to "get over" the relationship. I still dated, and had fun, but at the same time, I was still grieving and not ready for a relationship.

 

I am now finally at a place where I hardly ever think about him. Although when I do, or when he contacts me for some reason, the annoyances and resentments still bubble up haha... but with time I know that will lift too.

[Lambert]

It's just hard.

it is!

 

do you have friends or anyone you can talk to?

 

you can talk to us and read others stories.

 

start learning about your self and strategies to control impulses.

 

talk to a therapist.

 

maybe you need some sleep.

 

many self care tactics.... take some deep breaths...

 

see i got a ton of them! [emoji23]

 

don't drink alcohol...

[AAvr1315]

I got a answer from him....

 

"I care about u but i dont want to be w u. I care that nothing happens to u and for u to be happy but i cant be the one to do it. There is no future for us. I dont want u to hate me or for us not to be able to even look at each other i just want things to be good"

 

He finally was clear with what he wants...... And it for sure not me.....

[Lambert]

I got a answer from him....

 

"I care about u but i dont want to be w u. I care that nothing happens to u and for u to be happy but i cant be the one to do it. There is no future for us. I dont want u to hate me or for us not to be able to even look at each other i just want things to be good"

 

He finally was clear with what he wants...... And it for sure not me.....

well that is pretty clear and i think you know you just gotta respect that and move on.

 

did you mention that means no sex and the boundaries?

[AAvr1315]

I'm just going to focus on bettering my self at this point. I need to stop caring about him.

[MissCanuck]

I'm just going to focus on bettering my self at this point. I need to stop caring about him.

 

Good. At this point, there really isn't any other option.

 

He doesn't love you. He doesn't love her. He loves himself. That's it.

 

He isn't someone you can have a happy future with.