Should I let it happen or get the pill?

[reinventmyself]

No I think they misunderstood. I feel like no one is reading my entire post because I keep having to correct everyone. I said that having a baby would not be an ideal time because I may be starting a new job. Getting married we can do for sure sometime soon, we’re on board.

 

We also decided that we probably will need to get the ball rolling with trying to have kids by the end of next year and we wanted to be married first ideally before we start trying to have kids. It’s also just not the most ideal time for this to happen because I may be starting a new job which is a pretty good opportunity.

 

We are reading it. . I guess it just depends on how you read it - because it comes across 2 different ways.

Thanks for the clarification.

[Snny]

OP may have thought at that time she was ready if she did get pregnant but is now scared ?

Things can get real very fast and yes, it can be scary . She might be having a wake up call moment.

Right, but that is why both parties need to communicate about childbirth BEFORE having sex. Pregnancy isn’t something you can change your mind about once it happens. Like Batya mentioned, her and her man discussed the risk of pregnancy and their decision to respond if it occurs. My husband and I had the same conversation after we got married on using the pullout method (I can’t be on birth control medication) and lo and behold.... knocked up the first time.

 

Another food for thought: If the OP and her BF are considering marriage then they got to work on their communication skills or they will run into bigger problems. Pregnancy isn’t something you just “wing it,” and you’re just being irresponsible if you do.

[Batya33]

Right, but that is why both parties need to communicate about childbirth BEFORE having sex. Pregnancy isn’t something you can change your mind about once it happens. Like Batya mentioned, her and her man discussed the risk of pregnancy and their decision to respond if it occurs.

 

Another food for thought: If the OP and her BF are considering marriage then they got to work on their communication skills or they will run into bigger problems.

 

Yes - and back then I was on the pill, every day, clockwork. I just used a condom in addition during those years when getting pregnant would not have been a good thing at all (i.e. in my mid-late 20s, when I was with a boyfriend who didn't want that to happen). The remote chance of a pill failing plus knowing we'd be ok with it worked for us. But when, with my future husband, we were sure we wanted to try to conceive, we used no protection and I paid attention to the right timing just in case that helped (I think it did!). I do think it's normal for couples to try then get jitters/nervous when it works -it's momentous - but the sort of wishy washy "ok let's have unprotected sex and if we feel jitters later we always can change our minds" - and also in that case my guess is the woman is not taking care of herself prenatally- obviously there are plenty of oops where the day before a positive test the woman's had champagne, diet coke, some lovely nitrates, etc - but if you're going to take the OP's approach I think it's worth it to have your body as ready as possible too.

[tattoobunnie]

Talking about getting married is not the same thing as you've set a date, and are planning the wedding.

 

Have you talked about the parenting roles, thoughts on taking turns feeding/changing diapers/doing laundry. Thoughts on childcare/daycare? Two income or one income family if you decide to stay at home? Getting married first, so you can save on tax deductions and a family plan with health insurance.

 

Do you two have money saved for a wedding? I just think you need to talk about having a kid and expectations before jumping the gun. Get condoms, go on birth control. When I had conceived second kid at 35, it took ONE try. So, don't buy it may take a year; not always the case.