Is it strange to want to raise another family?

[Lost 73]

The etiology of disabilities relies on many factors. Some are genetics (why your son was diagnosed with autism), some are the habits pregnant women do, and some are the age of the parents. Women are not designed to have babies past a certain point.

 

 

I don't mean to be snobby, but I hold a master's degree in mental health. I read and met researchers from medical communities who have specialized on studying various disabilities. I have a range of experience working with families of children with disabilities. I also sat in countless meetings with anguished, panicked, frustrated, anxious families who were in tears because their livelihoods have unexpectedly change and were not prepared to raise a child with high needs. Which is why I mentioned about the health risks so that you are aware. Many of the families I work with were not and are going through one heck of an adjustment.

 

 

Very nice that you have a masters degree, what's 24 years worth of education double PHD? I have had to deal with social workers, school systems, the government all people with these degrees. I have and AM living with it daily watching the services shrink yearly and the fact is there is NO proof of anything that causes Autism. chemicals this age that environment this. when it comes to mental health and dealing with a handicapped child hate to say it like this but been there and DOING that.

 

I am very well educated on what it takes to raise a handicapped child. The countless times feeling helpless and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[Lost 73]

Tru men can have kids until they die. One of our Prime Ministers had a daughter at 70. I am just saying you won’t always be 45. Something to keep in mind.

 

Thus why I had 4 samples frozen

[Snny]

So are you seeking advice or justification? Also you never answered my question... Why not foster or adopt?

[Seraphim]

Thus why I had 4 samples frozen

 

Just remember you won’t always be 45 when it come to looking after these individuals.

[Lost 73]

So are you seeking advice or justification? Also you never answered my question... Why not foster or adopt?

 

Advice but without judgement, Foster kids allot of them have many different issues. Plus with me it is about raising from birth. I would hate to have a kid for 2 years then poof gone back tow here ever they came from. I understand how it works I was a foster child.

Adopting looked into it when I was married it is allot of money and you just don't know the genetics. I have had my genotyping done, I agree Ill age being a parent that don't change much I have accepted that

[Seraphim]

Age doesn’t change things? That’s kind of naïve .

[Lost 73]

Age doesn’t change things? That’s kind of naïve .

 

Not sure what your problem is. AGE DONT change the fact I love having a family. I'm not a idiot that growing old is a thing. I think someone is a bit Bitter. I know men in their 50's having kids. Do I plan to be in my 50's Heck no with in the next 2-3 years max. But if you have nothing positive to say move on. I am done arguing with someone that is a Debbie downer.

[Seraphim]

Not sure what your problem is. AGE DONT change the fact I love having a family. I'm not a idiot that growing old is a thing. I think someone is a bit Bitter. I know men in their 50's having kids. Do I plan to be in my 50's Heck no with in the next 2-3 years max. But if you have nothing positive to say move on. I am done arguing with someone that is a Debbie downer.

I am not bitter at all. I don’t know where you get that from. I have a very happy life thanks. But you are defensive with almost everyone.

[Lost 73]

I am not bitter at all. I don’t know where you get that from. I have a very happy life thanks. But you are defensive with almost everyone.

 

No just the ones that are being negative. I am not looking for negative tudes.

[Lost 73]

I am not bitter at all. I don’t know where you get that from. I have a very happy life thanks. But you are defensive with almost everyone.

 

You made me think so I went back and re-read the entire thread only you and 1 other was being negative about it and only you and 1 other was I defensive with. everyone else it seemed to me was normal causal talking. So what's the common factor here? YOU Go back read all what you wrote ALL negative stuff not really encouraging some people are glass half full others half empty. I encourage you to re-read the entire thread you and Snny was only ones being negative and only ones I responded to in such a way

[Batya33]

My husband and I dated in our late 20s and again in our late 30s. It worked the second time around. We conceived and became parents and married in our early 40s. It's like winning the lottery. The downsides -having to care for aging parents/no help from grandparents. I feel healthier and in better shape than when I was in my 30s. We both look and act young (although my husband tends to the old fashioned and is a bit more into that kind of stuff than I am). I see so many moms in their 20s and 30s post on my facebook groups complaining about what they're missing out on - money, girls' nights out, alcohol if they're nursing/pregnant, etc. I did all that and then some. In a major city. Except for the alcohol/drugs. Being a mom later in life really did away with those regrets and we're in a much better financial situation than had we started in our 20s. It's very freeing. My expectation was that we'd probably have one child and have no help from our parents. Both are true so no surprises there and I'm not negative about it at all. He has one grandparent left of 4 and all of them adored him to pieces, to the moon and back. Hopefully he will hold that in his heart. My mom is alive and she's over the moon about him too.

'

I do worry about our future health of course but I had a stroke at age 42 -with no medical history or reasons as to why except that it might have been the effect of the pregnancy. I recovered quickly and that was 9 years ago. But my point is it can happen far earlier than senior citizen time -all sorts of health issues.

 

I say to go for it.

[abitbroken]

Advice but without judgement, Foster kids allot of them have many different issues. Plus with me it is about raising from birth. I would hate to have a kid for 2 years then poof gone back tow here ever they came from. I understand how it works I was a foster child.

Adopting looked into it when I was married it is allot of money and you just don't know the genetics. I have had my genotyping done, I agree Ill age being a parent that don't change much I have accepted that

 

Well - you don't know genetics when you have your own child either. They could end up like your crazy uncle Larry and be the black sheep of the family or they could end up looking nothing like you our your wife and end up looking like other relatives. They could have birth defects you can't anticipate. There are a lot of young boys that would really thrive having a dad. You say you were in foster care - imagine adopting a boy that was just like you and changing the direction of their life. They probably wouldn't adopt an infant to a single dad unless you connected with birthparents that wanted you, but they would consider a boy who was a little older most likely

 

You are still an age where its very appropriate for you to be able to meet a woman who is in her 30s who wants a family of her own - its not unreasonable! I just think that you have to fall in love with the woman first and want her so that if you guys don't end up having more you are still satisfied (ie, weed out women who don't want kids or absolutely cannot have them but sometimes things just don't work out even if you try). In otherwords, don't approach dating looking for "breeding stock")

[Lost 73]

Well - you don't know genetics when you have your own child either. They could end up like your crazy uncle Larry and be the black sheep of the family or they could end up looking nothing like you our your wife and end up looking like other relatives. They could have birth defects you can't anticipate. There are a lot of young boys that would really thrive having a dad. You say you were in foster care - imagine adopting a boy that was just like you and changing the direction of their life. They probably wouldn't adopt an infant to a single dad unless you connected with birthparents that wanted you, but they would consider a boy who was a little older most likely

 

You are still an age where its very appropriate for you to be able to meet a woman who is in her 30s who wants a family of her own - its not unreasonable! I just think that you have to fall in love with the woman first and want her so that if you guys don't end up having more you are still satisfied (ie, weed out women who don't want kids or absolutely cannot have them but sometimes things just don't work out even if you try). In otherwords, don't approach dating looking for "breeding stock")

 

Yup was in foster care and worst part of my life. Gave me PTSD. I get it is always a gamble I understand that. I also would like a son to pass my name onto that has my DNA. My son will never have kids and my Daughter is married so name change. I do get your drift on the dating side of things. Guess its all a gamble. thank you for responding.

[abitbroken]

Yup was in foster care and worst part of my life. Gave me PTSD. I get it is always a gamble I understand that. I also would like a son to pass my name onto that has my DNA. My son will never have kids and my Daughter is married so name change. I do get your drift on the dating side of things. Guess its all a gamble. thank you for responding.

 

Okay -- if you marry again and have kids, what if you have a little girl? Are you going to be upset because your name won't be carried down? If so, then you want a child for the wrong reasons.

 

Your name and DNA has been carried down into two wonderful children and now its their turn to decide if THEIR name and DNA will be carried down - not yours. you have already done it. Your DNA is still in your daughter's kids. WHo knows, maybe she will give one of the kids your last name as their middle name. Who knows, maybe your son will have a child someday - maybe he'll have one when he is 40.

[abitbroken]

Yup was in foster care and worst part of my life. Gave me PTSD. I get it is always a gamble I understand that. I also would like a son to pass my name onto that has my DNA. My son will never have kids and my Daughter is married so name change. I do get your drift on the dating side of things. Guess its all a gamble. thank you for responding.

 

I am surprised you would not want to prevent someone from having the same trauma that you did -- to provide a stable loving home so they don't experience what you did.

[Lost 73]

Okay -- if you marry again and have kids, what if you have a little girl? Are you going to be upset because your name won't be carried down? If so, then you want a child for the wrong reasons.

 

Your name and DNA has been carried down into two wonderful children and now its their turn to decide if THEIR name and DNA will be carried down - not yours. you have already done it. Your DNA is still in your daughter's kids. WHo knows, maybe she will give one of the kids your last name as their middle name. Who knows, maybe your son will have a child someday - maybe he'll have one when he is 40.

 

Nope just want the Chance my Daughter has such a special place in my heart. all I am seeking is the chance for a son. but boy girl don't matter as long as healthy fingers crossed

[Lost 73]

I am surprised you would not want to prevent someone from having the same trauma that you did -- to provide a stable loving home so they don't experience what you did.

 

the system is broken, I don't have the energy or time to even attempt to fix it. look into it the good ones are abused by the system and taken advantage of by the system. the bad ones that are in it for the money well there are many more of those. 90% of foster kids are not adopted but are returned to family or age out of the system. Sorry not looking to invest years just for the child to leave.

[Lost 73]

Okay -- if you marry again and have kids, what if you have a little girl? Are you going to be upset because your name won't be carried down? If so, then you want a child for the wrong reasons.

 

Your name and DNA has been carried down into two wonderful children and now its their turn to decide if THEIR name and DNA will be carried down - not yours. you have already done it. Your DNA is still in your daughter's kids. WHo knows, maybe she will give one of the kids your last name as their middle name. Who knows, maybe your son will have a child someday - maybe he'll have one when he is 40.

 

2 notes my son has autism barely functions no chance he will have a kid unless raped.

 

second middle name stops the lineage, in my family that goes back 400 years ends with me. I have had 2 kids a boy and a girl. All I would like is a chance for another child or 2. I am a great dad make good money can afford a family with out having the mom work etc.

[Seraphim]

You made me think so I went back and re-read the entire thread only you and 1 other was being negative about it and only you and 1 other was I defensive with. everyone else it seemed to me was normal causal talking. So what's the common factor here? YOU Go back read all what you wrote ALL negative stuff not really encouraging some people are glass half full others half empty. I encourage you to re-read the entire thread you and Snny was only ones being negative and only ones I responded to in such a way

Well, I don’t need “ tudes “ either. Thanks. No one is stopping you from having a family . You wanted advice. We gave it. I don’t care one bit what you do . It is neither here nor there . But if you are the VAST age of 44 you should know not everyone needs to share your sentiments.

[GoodGumbo]

I understand wanting more children as my children have brought more joy to my life than i ever imagined possible and I had both of them after 35 years of age and Im female...Both are the picture of health! However, the more this post has progressed the more apparent it became that your reasons for wanting a child are self centered. You don't seem to be taking into consideration the ins and outs of everyday living with a child or children. In the event you forgot, a relationship is very trying sometimes and they don't always last - per your previous two failed marriages (relationships). I would caution you to think realistically of what you are proposing to do.. You haven't had children at home for some time.. I don't know how old your children were when your first relationship (marriage, baby Mama?) failed but it seems as if the primary care giver wasn't you considering you have been with two other women for the last 18 to 20 years. The stress children can put on a relationship is pretty substantial and I just hate the idea of a broken family being created so flippantly because you want a progeny.