Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I know it shouldn't matter, and I def do not want to reconcile. But here is the thing, I am having a hard time accepting how someone can be so head over heels in love to complete silence. We broke up a month ago, and I thought that at least for my bday, he would have wished me well. I already know to ignore him because I do not want to open back that hurt, but it just sucks when reality hits you. It's like putting the nail in the coffin. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 If you had blocked him, you wouldn't be waiting for a text. Happy Birthday! Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Happy Birthday!!! Give a gift to yourself---the gift of self love, self worth. You are better than needing a happy birthday wish from him, and you know it. I'm sorry you're hurting, why don't you block him so that you don't know if he messages or not? Because Easter is coming, if you celebrate it, and then you'll feel disappointed you didn't get a Happy Easter wish too . My ex is funny, two days after every holiday I get the wish lol. It's like clockwork. Maybe two days after my birthday I'll get the wish too . Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 What SweetGirl28 said. He's an ex, you should not expect a HB or anything else. Block him. Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 If you had blocked him, you wouldn't be waiting for a text. lmao true! I just can't bring myself to it. I am now back on a dating site and it's so discouraging Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes! I think you guys are right! I am going to block him, this way I won't ever feel disappointed by him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 That is the wrong place to be. Why not heal from your break. it is also unfair to use others to get over your ex. Rebounding is selfish. Don't be that girl. Deal with the break with friends and family. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes! I think you guys are right! I am going to block him, this way I won't ever feel disappointed by him. Yay!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 That is the wrong place to be. Why not heal from your break. it is also unfair to use others to get over your ex. Rebounding is selfish. Don't be that girl. Deal with the break with friends and family. I agree with you, however my therapist said I should join a dating site just to take a peak. She said not to necessarily date, but to see whats out there as a way to feel hopeful, because I am zoned in on my ex. I signed up today and honestly just felt crappy seeing a whole mess of profiles. It kind of backfired when I finally realized I am really back in the dating pool. I was thinking that the dating phase was over for good, I don't want to start over :/ Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Honey, give yourself some time. You need to heal. There are many great guys out there. You will find someone when you are in a better place. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Happy birthday blossom. I am hoping my ex doesn't send me a happy birthday, because it will just re-open the wound. And, because I believe manners are important, I will feel compelled to send her a thank you - a one-liner, and not invite a response type thank you. Still... Link to comment
No1 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I know its hard to have your X cut the cords before you are ready. But to be honest with you. If you look at the history of this forum, there have been a lot of people asking if they should send their Xs a Happy Birthday text and Id say most of the time the answer would be no. But on the bright side, you have your absolution, you have your closure and even tho it was before you were ready, you got it. You know you are now free to be you. If you are not ready to date, then dont date, but at the same time dont be a shut in and stay at home all the time. Go out, explore new things, make you happy. Re connect with that person that attracted your X in the first place. Happiness has to be found, depression will find you. Know in the long run, you will be okay, you will find someone else, and yes, youll fall in love again. You are going to be just fine Link to comment
Last Gentleman Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I agree with you, however my therapist said I should join a dating site just to take a peak. She said not to necessarily date, but to see whats out there as a way to feel hopeful, because I am zoned in on my ex. I signed up today and honestly just felt crappy seeing a whole mess of profiles. It kind of backfired when I finally realized I am really back in the dating pool. I was thinking that the dating phase was over for good, I don't want to start over :/ Wow really !? This therapist seems very wrong, would you tell an obese person that just started a diet to go "just look" at bakeries but never get inside !? I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but really what's the point here ? You do not want to reconnect, you are just in 1 month of breaking up you need to process this, the guy is very likely mourning as well and trying to move on, but you somehow waited for him to text you HBDay, this seems a bit selfish I'm affraid. Happy birthday Link to comment
11moreweeks Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I wish I had blocked my ex around the time of my birthday. I got a birthday text from her, which I was expecting, but.. it made me feel absolutely abysmal. Not getting a text would also have been abysmal. The birthday text reverted my progress back about 2 weeks and made my immediate week after it much worse than the week before. I don't even celebrate, and almost never remember, my birthday and haven't for most of my life. I've largely coped with that by blaming the existence of birthdays and the nature of breakups. "Special days" are just going to suck no matter what for a while. Happy belated birthday! May your next birthday be much less hurtful. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Happy birthday! Excellent advice from your therapist. She's encouraging you to stop looking backwards/ruminating and start looking forward to the possibilities and potential. For now just browse and eventually start talking to and meeting guys for coffee. Don't think of it as replacing a relationship but just meeting new guys. my therapist said I should join a dating site just to take a peak. She said not to necessarily date, but to see whats out there as a way to feel hopeful, because I am zoned in on my ex. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I wish I had blocked my ex around the time of my birthday. I got a birthday text from her, which I was expecting, but.. it made me feel absolutely abysmal. That's what am afraid of. I have actually got two pre-prepared texts, just in case. Text 1 says Hi X, hope things are going well, thank you for your birthday wishes. Text 2 is more along the lines of, - I have exhibited respect and acceptance of your decision to dump me cold for another guy. You need to exhibit respect and acceptance of mine to cut off contact with you. I am not your friend. Please let me go. Hopefully I won't need top send either. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Option 3, the best option, would be to delete and block her from your devices and social media. Snarky retorts won't be necessary and you never have to worry about her. In fact no contact and blocking her helps you move on, instead of ruminate so much so that you have texts prepared in your mind.I have actually got two pre-prepared texts, just in case. Text 1 says Hi X, hope things are going well, thank you for your birthday wishes. Text 2 is more along the lines of, - I have exhibited respect and acceptance of your decision to dump me cold for another guy. You need to exhibit respect and acceptance of mine to cut off contact with you. I am not your friend. Please let me go. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 That's what am afraid of. I have actually got two pre-prepared texts, just in case. Text 1 says Hi X, hope things are going well, thank you for your birthday wishes. Text 2 is more along the lines of, - I have exhibited respect and acceptance of your decision to dump me cold for another guy. You need to exhibit respect and acceptance of mine to cut off contact with you. I am not your friend. Please let me go. Hopefully I won't need top send either. Or block and avoid the need to feel you should send a text at all , which actually even if she did, you would not to need to acknowledge it. But if it happens, I would not send the second one. First one is polite back, and does not lead to opening conversation. I'd shorten it even more to just "thanks" . I mean, do you want to hear from her? I didn't contact mind on his birthday. We were about a month of not speaking at that time. I did say a belated happy bday when we started talking again. I feel that day is the person's day, and if you're someone they are mad, upset, or hurt by, it's not nice to contact them. You don't know if it will cause happiness or pain to them. And it's selfish to do that. Just my opinion :) Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Your right mate. And I know it. So hopefully she won't send anything. And I have blocked/unfriended etc her everywhere - except I can't change my email - self employed - so that is her one line of communication in the event of some unforeseen tragedy*. She moved away, and I don't actually have her new phone number. *Because if she's in trouble I will help her, with no expectations. I would do that for any/all of my exes. Any decent proper man would say the same. @sweetie we will be at about 7 weeks NC at that point. I know yes/no is not much of an answer, but that is all I can say a few weeks out. Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Wow really !? This therapist seems very wrong, would you tell an obese person that just started a diet to go "just look" at bakeries but never get inside !? I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but really what's the point here ? You do not want to reconnect, you are just in 1 month of breaking up you need to process this, the guy is very likely mourning as well and trying to move on, but you somehow waited for him to text you HBDay, this seems a bit selfish I'm affraid. Happy birthday Thanks for the birthday wish :) I do not think it is selfish, it was more of wanting some kind of validation that I at least meant something to him after a year of hearing non stop that I was the love of his life. If anything this was the closure that I needed like No1 stated! I no longer am questioning it, I now know for sure! Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Thank you everyone for wishing me a Happy Birthday. I will be honest, whenever I received a text or snap yesterday, I would jump thinking it might be him. When it was 11pm, it hit me that it just wouldn't happen....and I cried a bit. Either way, I listened to you guys' advice and went on whatsapp and blocked him. I blocked on imessage and all other platforms that way I can fully recover and move forward. I am no longer doing "no contact" and counting the weeks, instead I am just letting it all go and moving forward. Now that he is blocked, I know I won't hear from him. I guess not hearing from him on my special day was what I needed to let go. For Good! thanks everyone Link to comment
Last Gentleman Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Or block and avoid the need to feel you should send a text at all , which actually even if she did, you would not to need to acknowledge it. But if it happens, I would not send the second one. First one is polite back, and does not lead to opening conversation. I'd shorten it even more to just "thanks" . I mean, do you want to hear from her? I didn't contact mind on his birthday. We were about a month of not speaking at that time. I did say a belated happy bday when we started talking again. I feel that day is the person's day, and if you're someone they are mad, upset, or hurt by, it's not nice to contact them. You don't know if it will cause happiness or pain to them. And it's selfish to do that. Just my opinion :) Right on point, I never really understand people who think it's mandatory to stay in contact just after a breakup, it usually never helps anyone, maybe just emotional vampires. Then there is the counterpoint to this, if you receive such HBday it can be that the person wants your attention, so they will use any elaborate answer on your part to try and launch something new, so better stick with just "thanks" as said by SweetGirl28, that doesn't open up for much discussion anyway. Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Right on point, I never really understand people who think it's mandatory to stay in contact just after a breakup, it usually never helps anyone, maybe just emotional vampires. You are missing the point! No one is obligated to do anything, but I was blindsided by the breakup! I thought that maybe at 6 weeks of not communicating, he would have reached out! Seeing that he didn't, solidified that I meant nothing to him. Everyone knows how a girls bday is important to her, and if he reached out, I may not have blocked him because I would have thought that later down the line, there would be a possibility of reconciliation. This just made me realize it is over forever! Link to comment
Blossom314 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 PS. I deleted the number as well so I wouldn't be tempted to 'unblock' him :) I kind of feel relieved. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 That's what am afraid of. I have actually got two pre-prepared texts, just in case. Text 1 says Hi X, hope things are going well, thank you for your birthday wishes. Text 2 is more along the lines of, - I have exhibited respect and acceptance of your decision to dump me cold for another guy. You need to exhibit respect and acceptance of mine to cut off contact with you. I am not your friend. Please let me go. Hopefully I won't need top send either. If you blocked you would not be spending more time obsessing on the ex. Block! Link to comment
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