Does a womans track history change things?

[katrina1980]

Right. And probably some did judge me. But really I just had to figure a few things out about myself and what I wanted. I think it was good not to waste other people's time while I did that.

 

Which is exactly what I alluded to in one of my previous posts about someone (in your case, you) working through issues, and how much courage, strength and determination it takes to do so, and overcome those issues.

 

I include myself in that group too, and am STILL working through issues! It appears I have a long way to go still.

 

But thankfully you did, and you met a man who was open-minded, non-judgmental and flexible in his particular "requirements" of what he needed in a partner.

 

And again from what you've posted, you have not disappointed!

 

I have so much admiration for you J and others who've done the same.

 

For me, that speaks even more highly of someone - their character, determination and ability to persevere versus if one had no such issues to begin with.

[Last Gentleman]

Right. And probably some did judge me. But really I just had to figure a few things out about myself and what I wanted. I think it was good not to waste other people's time while I did that.

 

I applaud you Jibralta, I went through something analog and it's women like you that to me, earn the most respect by realizing they aren't what or where they want to be and actively take time off dating

to work on themselves, not playing and wasting men's time, that's what everone should be doing !

[Batya33]

Right. And probably some did judge me. But really I just had to figure a few things out about myself and what I wanted. I think it was good not to waste other people's time while I did that.

 

Yes, I agree entirely. And to add a sexist component, I think it's more important for men to get experience in long term romantic relationships than women because for one thing women often have much closer relationships/friendships with women friends as opposed to men and male friends. As an ex boyfriend of mine used to say, men get "squirrely" when they don't have a romantic relationship for a long time.

I hope no one judged you Jibralta just because they did not think you would be a good match for them. Two different things IMO. I agree that you made the right choice for you and yet you still chose to be involved in serious romantic relationships while you learned about yourself and evaluated what you wanted. Apparently you valued being involved in relationships as well as valuing putting in the effort to figure stuff out which can be quite challenging.

[Batya33]

I applaud you Jibralta, I went through something analog and it's women like you that to me, earn the most respect by realizing they aren't what or where they want to be and actively take time off dating

to work on themselves, not playing and wasting men's time, that's what everone should be doing !

 

I found for me I did far more challenging and relevant work within relationships as opposed to without. I'm sure there are people who have to be alone to work on themselves but I wouldn't presume that that is necessary in the least.

[Batya33]

Which is exactly what I alluded to in one of my previous posts about someone (in your case, you) working through issues, and how much courage, strength and determination it takes to do so, and overcome those issues.

 

I include myself in that group too, and am STILL working through issues! It appears I have a long way to go still.

 

But thankfully you did, and you met a man who was open-minded, non-judgmental and flexible in his particular "requirements" of what he needed in a partner.

 

And again from what you've posted, you have not disappointed!

 

I have so much admiration for you J and others who've done the same.

 

For me, that speaks even more highly of someone - their character, determination and ability to persevere versus if one had no such issues to begin with.

 

Yes and since you've referred to my previous posts I believe that it's not judgmental in the least when someone declines to date someone who they don't see as a potentially good match -it might be -there are judgmental people everywhere of course -but to presume it is "judgmental" makes little sense IMO. Just like it might be seen as "openminded" to date someone where there's little possibility of future potential -just to be "open minded" when in reality what might be at play is settling, or telling oneself "I "should" be more openminded about relationships just like I am with people I meet in daily life, so I'll get involved with this person who is likely not a good match but I am going to try to be more open minded". Not at all saying you would do that just showing another perspective. On the other hand I think it's openminded to be honest with oneself about values and standards -to be open with yourself -and not force yourself to date someone where you'd be compromising on significant life goals just so you can prove that you're open minded. Again not "you" just the general you.

 

Certainly someone might decide that their relationship goal is to have no requirements and to be open to getting to know anyone who strikes his/her fancy. That's totally valid - it's that person's time to spend as she/he wishes. I've never met anyone like that who is past the teenage years and wants marriage and family as a main life goal. I have met many people like that who are between relationships or looking to casually date and not get seriously involved. And sometimes they end up marrying that person of course -life is funny that way. I also don't know anyone who wants marriage/family in his or her late 20s/30s or beyond who takes that approach and often that's because of the combination of knowing what you want/knowing your values and the reality of limited time where if you don't focus in on people you have things in common with and common values/life goals you're seriously risking not realizing the marriage/family goal.

 

Much more common are people who have in mind either a short or long list of what he/she is looking for, including dealbreakers, and they "judge" potential people - without being "judgemental" - judge in the sense of deciding that someone's lifestyle/life choices might not be well-suited to them for a potential marriage/family situation but might be fine for casual dating or friendship, etc. Not all requirements are equal and some relate more to arbitrary stuff than others - and so much is subjective. Someone might label someone as "arbitrary" for only wanting to marry someone in his/her own religion while others might insist that the person has to have never been married or never divorced, etc.

 

None of this was directed at you personally. You referenced what I wrote above and to an extent it was misinterpreted. Wanted to clear itup.

[Cope]

No, a woman's, nor a man's, track history does not change anything, it has helped turn them into what they've become now.

[katrina1980]

No, a woman's, nor a man's, track history does not change anything, it has helped turn them into what they've become now.

 

Very very true, thank you Cope.

[Batya33]

Well to be real 5 minutes, if a guy likes a woman he wants to her not be friends, if he doesn't like her he doesn't waste his time with her, pretty logical so the only women I'm genuinely friends with,

are my childhood (12yo) female friends that I consider sisters, the rest of the nation i don't need to be friends with honestly, what would i benefit from that, women always want to be friends guys don't

give a mostly and politely say whatever yes !

 

After all the messages here you really seem to me like, you think you know better and are the center of the world, everything that diverges from you mindset is wrong and needs to be talked about in

extremely long tirades, that honestly don't always make sense. So like Katrina1980 I'll stay out of discussion, if you want to systematicaly misinterpret other's views, that's not advancing anything or

helping anyone here in fact !

 

Have a good evening.

 

Nope, just my personal opinion which I wrote many times (and my opinion that the OP should give this woman a chance for sure) and certainly didn't attack anyone else's opinion as you did in your post with respect to mine. I certainly didn't write any tirades but you're entitled to your opinion. You are not entitled to personally attack me however so I'll ask that you refrain from that in any future posts directed at me. Thanks!

 

I treasure my platonic male friends that I have now and I've had close male friends for many years - and it's one of the reasons I was able to find a good match because it helped me understand men and be even more comfortable hanging out with men. That's how it worked for me and it might work like that for others.

 

You have a good evening too.

[Last Gentleman]

Nope, just my personal opinion which I wrote many times.

 

I treasure my platonic male friends that I have now and I've had close male friends for many years - and it's one of the reasons I was able to find a good match because it helped me understand men and be even more comfortable hanging out with men. That's how it worked for me and it might work like that for others.

 

You have a good evening too and I'll ask you to refrain from personal attacks in the future. Thanks.

 

No personal attack here, I didn't insult or pretend outrageous things about you, I call a cat a cat, if you can't listen to what everyone is telling you here withtout deforming it and think you might learn something, that's your problem not mine.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course...Closed.