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Lambert

By Lambert
in Healing After Break Up or Divorce

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

Posted
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i was just on a dating app and saw my ex is on there. ouch!

 

couple of things:

 

1. i just wanted to believe him that he was having a nervous breakdown and needed to break up to work on his issues. that he didn't want to date anyone right now.

 

2. this is a break up like any other. dude just wasn't that into me. which really hurts my feelings considering the last time we saw each other before the break up we were making plans and he was very romantic. hence making the nervous break down that much more believable. maybe he knew he was gonna end it and used me, figuring he would not have sex for awhile once we broke it off.....

 

3. what a jerk.

 

good news is, as much as i wanted to say something to him.... i really can't. he is not my bf. he can date who he wants.

 

I was doing pretty well today (prior to seeing this) but maybe it's for the best. thinking of him, feeling sorry for him, and praying he is ok is obviously a waste of my time. he is fine. he does not need my concern or prayers.

 

ugh.... someday maybe I'll meet someone worth a darn.

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electricorchid Community Regular

electricorchid

Posted
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LOL did we date the same dude because this pretty much happened to me last year,

he wasn't into me anymore after 4 months of totally making me think that he was and then we broke up on valentines day

and TA-DAH, there he was back on tinder!

 

What helped me through it, (as savage as men can be) is to remind yourself he's not the only man on the planet...

theres more fish in the sea and if he was too blind/stupid to see who you were anyway why want him or cry about him?

You need//want someone that wants you! For you and all of you

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Starlight925 Grand Master

Starlight925

Posted
Posted

Ooooh, that stings.

 

A few years ago, the guy I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with left me suddenly, not having "any idea" what he was going to do. Two weeks later, he was on a site with a picture with me cut out! I messaged him and said what a nice picture, and what a fun night that was. He hemmed and hawed, as in....caught! Truth is, he just didn't love me anymore.

 

It took a while to get over it, but I did, and you will too.

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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thanks guys. i guess i just really wanted to believe he was better than he is.

 

its a shock to find out he is full of crap! but in reality it doesn't change anything. he knows i saw him on there. maybe he's crazy and he wanted me to see him.

 

it does help my resolve to stay no contact. i would not talk to him now for anything. there HAS to be better men than him.

 

Especially at our ages (we are in our forties!) i just expected better, we'd always been honest, even about embarrassing stuff that can be hard to talk about at any age. but to make up such an elaborate scenario for the break up.

 

i am dumbfounded.

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limichelle Mentor

limichelle

Posted
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The guy I was dating for six months that refused sex with me because of my weight. He's back on a dating site and in his profile pictures I had a good laugh at the caption next to each one. "This is me looking very handsome in my car."

"This is me looking hot next to the window in my luxury condo." I really wanted to send him a message. I was dying to send him a message. Because the rest of his profile was also made up of lies.

 

OP just remember you don't have to put up with him again. He's doing you a favor! The next girl not so much.

 

Lisa

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Sz1990 Apprentice

Sz1990

Posted
Posted
i was just on a dating app and saw my ex is on there. ouch!

 

couple of things:

 

1. i just wanted to believe him that he was having a nervous breakdown and needed to break up to work on his issues. that he didn't want to date anyone right now.

 

2. this is a break up like any other. dude just wasn't that into me. which really hurts my feelings considering the last time we saw each other before the break up we were making plans and he was very romantic. hence making the nervous break down that much more believable. maybe he knew he was gonna end it and used me, figuring he would not have sex for awhile once we broke it off.....

 

3. what a jerk.

 

good news is, as much as i wanted to say something to him.... i really can't. he is not my bf. he can date who he wants.

 

I was doing pretty well today (prior to seeing this) but maybe it's for the best. thinking of him, feeling sorry for him, and praying he is ok is obviously a waste of my time. he is fine. he does not need my concern or prayers.

 

ugh.... someday maybe I'll meet someone worth a darn.

 

I feel you! After I broke up with my BF I saw him on a dating site a short while later! He was horrible and ended with me for reasons that didn’t make sense either!!

He recently married someone who is a massive downgrade.. So I wouldn’t worry about it 😉 Keep doing you, you’re better off without him!

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SweetGirl28 Grand Master

SweetGirl28

Posted
Posted
The guy I was dating for six months that refused sex with me because of my weight. He's back on a dating site and in his profile pictures I had a good laugh at the caption next to each one. "This is me looking very handsome in my car."

"This is me looking hot next to the window in my luxury condo." I really wanted to send him a message. I was dying to send him a message. Because the rest of his profile was also made up of lies.

 

OP just remember you don't have to put up with him again. He's doing you a favor! The next girl not so much.

 

Lisa

 

Yikes! I shudder to think of what types of women will message him

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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Sorry!! It's of course possible he felt that way when he ended things and on reflection decided he was ready to see who was available on dating sites. I know it stings, I've been there!
thanks everyone that replied.... it stings but thankfully i had this forum to post this. instead of freaking out and breaking no contact. could you imagine how psycho it would be for him to get an angry text from me? he is free to date and would be completely justified in telling me off. yikes!

 

sometimes is just so hard to keep focused on one's own journey and not read into everything. he has his journey and i have mine.

 

batya33- thank you, especially for calling out the fact that, maybe he's changing and growing, too. Maybe he meant what he said when we broke up. it has been a few weeks and he's ready to date again. it was bound to happen. I went on a date a week later. And i know for a fact that was me just trying to move fwd in life. He has the right to do that, too.

 

As the dumpee, I accepted he didnt want to date anyone. and it hurts that he just doesn't want to date me.

 

one of my gfs said maybe he did that so I'd see it. i don't think that's the case at all. he dumped me! he could contact me if he wanted to get my attention. yes. I've stuck to nc but there weren't any hurtful or outrageous exchanges between us even at the break up.

 

i deleted that dating app from my phone. so i won't have to look at him.

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thorough Rising Star

thorough

Posted
Posted
Some guys will lie, lie, lie to avoid hurting someone, rather than be honest.

No loss to you. Never settle for anyone less than you deserve, which is a man who cherishes devoting

him time, love, and attention to you, and vice versa :)

 

Definitely, understand all this I need space/a break/time to find myself is bs.

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OllieB123 Apprentice

OllieB123

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I think the way you act after a relationship shows your true colours! There's a principle. And no matter how big or small the situation is, its about the principle.

Based on the fact he's on tinder already, his conscience was never/will never be clean and that will always stay with him.

So you've dodged a bullet there!

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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I think the way you act after a relationship shows your true colours! There's a principle. And no matter how big or small the situation is, its about the principle.

Based on the fact he's on tinder already, his conscience was never/will never be clean and that will always stay with him.

So you've dodged a bullet there!

great point. he's not the "together" guy i thought he was. he's a real mess.
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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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You are awesome Lambert and keep going on those dates! This is a good thing!
thank you Daisy May Porter!

 

i know i handled this break up well and i have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

He on the other hand... showed more than he obviously wanted to.

 

I woke up this morning almost pitying him and relieved. i am not missing out on a thing with him!

 

and my gf's comment that he did that on purpose is sticking with me. like he wants me to flip out. So he can be the calm, reasonable "i don't want to hurt you" guy. gag!

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SweetGirl28 Grand Master

SweetGirl28

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I don't think his intent was for you to see it, unless you met him through the site?

If that's the case, and he knew you were on the site, he would have blocked you so you couldn't see him if he wanted to hide. Anyway, a man who no longer wants your time isn't worth wasting your thoughts on. Even though we do it lol

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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The guy I was dating for six months that refused sex with me because of my weight. He's back on a dating site and in his profile pictures I had a good laugh at the caption next to each one. "This is me looking very handsome in my car."

"This is me looking hot next to the window in my luxury condo." I really wanted to send him a message. I was dying to send him a message. Because the rest of his profile was also made up of lies.

 

OP just remember you don't have to put up with him again. He's doing you a favor! The next girl not so much.

 

Lisa

lisa- thank you for your comment. i think it is very hurtful for a partner to not accept your body. I'm sorry you fell for someone so yucky! I'm glad you got over that and are able to share this with us.

 

onward and upward! all these situations prepare us for better things. they'll figure out what they lost someday. and we'll be moved on and in better situations.

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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thanks sweet girl!

 

yes it was the site we met on. i saw him on there b4 (but not as an upgraded member) and he said he hadn't been on there in months. it was a 'glitch'. i believed him but even then he had the right to be in there. we were broken up. then a couple days later he is now an upgraded member.

 

so is almost like he knows i would see him and assume it was a glitch, bit now it's not. if that makes sense.

 

its petty and stupid. i know. :(

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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It's not petty and stupid, you feel betrayed. And rightfully so.

At least you see his true character now, so his loss.

You sound fun, happy, positive, upbeat, strong, confident, independent.....so you'll find a great guy in time . One who appreciates you :tongue:

thank you so much! hugs and smooches! i am all those things and deserve so much better. shame on him. he can go back to being with women that treat him like garbage and cheat on him.

 

one thing for all of us to remember:

 

some people cannot handle a quality person. it's too much pressure on them. they can't keep up the facade. I'm probably not explaining it right but I've seen it many times.

 

i believe whole heartedly he will try to contact me. most of my exes have come back at some point. and the shock of their lives: sweet and kind Lambert, the woman that accepted them as is, doesnt give a poop!

 

and that my friends is priceless!

 

let them go!

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