I cant take it anymore - urgent advice needed!

[Mikey383]

I really dont know or understand why i get these overwhelming urges to call her. part of me hopes she will admit how wrong she was and at least acknowledge the reality. And ur right, it wasnt a good idea, im choosing to set myself up for more hurt. i dont hate myself but il be honest i have no self esteem nor confidence left. I know its irrational for me to call her but i still end up doing it.

 

Narcs have this ability to suck you in very deep.

Trying to brake free is nearly impossible...

Your urges are not uncommon...

You are not doing anything wrong...

They want you to ping for them... So they traumatize you to such level, that when you leave, it takes a long time to recover.

You have to be strong....Only silence will take you out of this mess....

[Mikey383]

No need to apologise for being blunt as you are being honest and everything you say is 100% correct. Me contacting her and me takimg her calls is irratiomal and insane, i can see that and i honestly dont fully understand why i do. im actually a very rational thinking person in general but when it comes to this, irractional actions ignore the rational thought. Whether this is the effects of lomg term abise or not i domt know and i guess at this stage its irrelevant as i just have to ignore everything my heart and head says and trust that i have to stay away and maintain no contact for good. Maybe when the cloud haa eased and my life gets better i can look back, reflect and learn from where i made things worse for myself as I too have choices and i understand that my bad choices are also responsible for the pain im suffering now.

 

Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate criticism as well as advice as they both can be used to better my life.

 

You are not irrational.

You are sucked into the doom by a vampire....

Understand that this person is an emotional vampire. My ex was the same...

It took me eventually 8 to 9 months later, to finally break free...

She kept sucking me back in... Its a game... Narcs need that drama...

But it creates an unhealthy life for you...

You have to go Radio Silent NOW!!!!!

Complete NO CONTACT....

[Mikey383]

If you want to talk more...

You can send me a personal message.

I want to help you.

I been through the same as you, and I don't mind helping you get through this....:)

I am by far a lot further along this process... (It takes a lot of strength)....

[DancingFool]

Look, you have to block ALL of them, her, her kids, any other friends or relatives of hers. Do not kid yourself for even one second that she will just drop this and walk away. She will use any means necessary to keep you hooked, including her kids. Do not be surprised at all that she may well be telling them to contact you and thus guilt trip you into staying engaged with them all.

 

Better yet, do simply change your number, change your e-mail, change all contact info.

 

Do not go home and just lie on the couch feeling depressed. Do something, ANYTHING, to occupy yourself. Yes, I know you don't feel like it, but it's critical that you make yourself do it. Your brother sounds wonderful, so ask him for his help to keep you occupied, for ideas of what do to, for company, for him to simply drag you out to do it even though you don't want to. The more you start interacting with the "normal" world again, the faster you'll get out this situation.

 

Ultimately, understand this - you cannot expect her to admit that she is crazy and you are sane when her actual goal is to make you out to be crazy. This is an ego battle you will never win and you choosing to engage in this battle is keeping you hooked. You know she is psycho, everyone else, literally everyone else, knows she is psycho - that is ALL the information you need. Stop trying to seek validation and vindication from someone who is insane.

[sonar40]

Look, you have to block ALL of them, her, her kids, any other friends or relatives of hers. Do not kid yourself for even one second that she will just drop this and walk away. She will use any means necessary to keep you hooked, including her kids. Do not be surprised at all that she may well be telling them to contact you and thus guilt trip you into staying engaged with them all.

 

Better yet, do simply change your number, change your e-mail, change all contact info.

 

Do not go home and just lie on the couch feeling depressed. Do something, ANYTHING, to occupy yourself. Yes, I know you don't feel like it, but it's critical that you make yourself do it. Your brother sounds wonderful, so ask him for his help to keep you occupied, for ideas of what do to, for company, for him to simply drag you out to do it even though you don't want to. The more you start interacting with the "normal" world again, the faster you'll get out this situation.

 

Ultimately, understand this - you cannot expect her to admit that she is crazy and you are sane when her actual goal is to make you out to be crazy. This is an ego battle you will never win and you choosing to engage in this battle is keeping you hooked. You know she is psycho, everyone else, literally everyone else, knows she is psycho - that is ALL the information you need. Stop trying to seek validation and vindication from someone who is insane.

 

Ive done all of the above. i only live 1 mile away from her but theres been zero contact from both ends. She never ever did reach out to me anyway even though it was her that kept doing the damage.

 

This week has been tough. Valentines day doesnt help - hits me harder. I havent went into bed after work as i was doing. Ive set silly small goals to complete to keeo myself busy e.g. clearing out my parents loft, fixing things needing fixed around the house, making a budgeting plan for myself, visit friends. im just going with "fake it to you make it" attitude and trusting time will make things easier. It pains me to read all thd other posters on this site going through the same and worse. While it does let me know im not alone, I do actually feel others pain and hurt and it saddens me. However, in my case anyway, choices and decisions made could have avoided this mess so while she treated me bad, im still respinsible for staying there and taking it which highlights areas about me i need help with.

 

Like everyone else i just want to be happy.

[Mikey383]

Ive done all of the above. i only live 1 mile away from her but theres been zero contact from both ends. She never ever did reach out to me anyway even though it was her that kept doing the damage.

 

This week has been tough. Valentines day doesnt help - hits me harder. I havent went into bed after work as i was doing. Ive set silly small goals to complete to keeo myself busy e.g. clearing out my parents loft, fixing things needing fixed around the house, making a budgeting plan for myself, visit friends. im just going with "fake it to you make it" attitude and trusting time will make things easier. It pains me to read all thd other posters on this site going through the same and worse. While it does let me know im not alone, I do actually feel others pain and hurt and it saddens me. However, in my case anyway, choices and decisions made could have avoided this mess so while she treated me bad, im still respinsible for staying there and taking it which highlights areas about me i need help with.

 

Like everyone else i just want to be happy.

 

I agree with DancingFool.

 

And FYI: She wont reach out, unless she won't be able to find a new form of supply right away... Once she has a new form of supply, you will be discarded for good or for enough time, until that supply runs out... The other reason why she won't reach out is because you are being punished and her ego is still in glory mode... She has no empathy for you... She want's to see you come and beg, and plea....

 

Stand your ground, and be strong.

Do you...Be all about you...

 

We all want love, and unfortunately not all people know how to give love back..

She is one of them.

You should not be her emotional punching bag nor her doormat....

[sonar40]

I agree with DancingFool.

 

And FYI: She wont reach out, unless she won't be able to find a new form of supply right away... Once she has a new form of supply, you will be discarded for good or for enough time, until that supply runs out... The other reason why she won't reach out is because you are being punished and her ego is still in glory mode... She has no empathy for you... She want's to see you come and beg, and plea....

 

Stand your ground, and be strong.

Do you...Be all about you...

 

We all want love, and unfortunately not all people know how to give love back..

She is one of them.

You should not be her emotional punching bag nor her doormat....

 

That always confused me how she would never reach out, not once, in all the 3 years after she would kick me out or i would walk out when tje abuse was getting too heavy. If i for one minute thought i said or done something to hurt anyone I would quickly react to make the wrong right as best i could. My conscience wouldnt allow me to not care even if i wasnt the one in the wrong hence why it has always been me reaching out.

 

If i was in her shoes i would be looking at myself thinking "oh God look at the unnecessary damage and hurt im causing to decent loving people. i need help, serious help, otherwise i will loose these people who are good for me in my life". Is it really possible that a human being cannot literally have a conscience? sometimes she showed that she did but rarely towards me. ive seen her sympathise with others but never me.

 

I am standing my ground but i certainly dont feel strong as its a massive struggle to maintain that right now.

[Mikey383]

That always confused me how she would never reach out, not once, in all the 3 years after she would kick me out or i would walk out when tje abuse was getting too heavy. If i for one minute thought i said or done something to hurt anyone I would quickly react to make the wrong right as best i could. My conscience wouldnt allow me to not care even if i wasnt the one in the wrong hence why it has always been me reaching out.

 

If i was in her shoes i would be looking at myself thinking "oh God look at the unnecessary damage and hurt im causing to decent loving people. i need help, serious help, otherwise i will loose these people who are good for me in my life". Is it really possible that a human being cannot literally have a conscience? sometimes she showed that she did but rarely towards me. ive seen her sympathise with others but never me.

 

I am standing my ground but i certainly dont feel strong as its a massive struggle to maintain that right now.

 

Keep it up.

It is hard to stand your ground at the beginning, but it does get easier...

She does not feel empathy... She does not understand that she is hurting others...

Selfish people do not feel that...

They are all about them, and to them what they feel is right....They do not see that they are hurting others...

She does not care that you are hurt....Better yet, she wants you to be hurt... That is her way... To her it is ok...

I guarantee you that she is already on the look out for the next victim... She might be working someone by now...

You need to walk away, completely...

[boltnrun]

The ONLY reason she'd ever reach out to you is because she can't find another man to abuse. But I guarantee it won't be an apology or any acknowledgment that she's done wrong. She will blame you, insult you and call you horrible names. And she'll expect YOU to agree with her and apologize.

 

Don't fall for her tactics.

[sonar40]

Im in an extremely bad place today. I was okish most of the day just the usual knot in my stomach and low mood. However, i was at the shop earlier and an old friend I hadnt seen in ages stopped for a chat. He wouldnt have known anything but he asked if i was out with anyone special yesterday for valetines and i replied "No. Just chilled out at home". Then he said "The wife and I went out for a meal. Your ex was there with her boyfriend". Immediately my heart was pounding and i queried him "Which ex" and sure enough it was her. I briefly told him what has been happening and he felt aweful for telling me - not his fault though.

 

Didnt take her long - 2 to 3 days. probably was already there behind my back. its just another knife in the stomach that i didnt need. I cant cope right now. Going to take some valium to knock me out for the night, i just am so overwhelmed with hurt i cant handle it

[boltnrun]

I know it hurts right now, but this is actually a good thing.

 

You will no longer be horribly abused by this awful woman.

 

Take some time to be kind to yourself.

 

Also, delete her number from your phone and block her from any and all means of contacting you. I fear this new man will not take her abuse and she may come back trying to abuse you some more when he walks. So, be prepared for that and take the steps now to prevent her from ever getting her hooks into you again.

[Silverbirch]

So sorry for what you are going through, but there will come a time when you won't care who she is with or what she is doing. You will just be glad she is not in your life. Xx

[SweetGirl28]

Don't sweat it. She's a loser, an abuser, and a user.

I'm sorry you're hurting and had to hear that, but use it as a reason to never look back.

You can get past this.

[sonar40]

I know it hurts right now, but this is actually a good thing.

 

You will no longer be horribly abused by this awful woman.

 

Take some time to be kind to yourself.

 

Also, delete her number from your phone and block her from any and all means of contacting you. I fear this new man will not take her abuse and she may come back trying to abuse you some more when he walks. So, be prepared for that and take the steps now to prevent her from ever getting her hooks into you again.

 

Yeah already blocked her, changed my number, binned all memories, gifts everything.

 

Thats true, the abuse has ended but only literally. I still behave as if i have to deal with her nonsense. If there is a traffic jam on my way home from work im still going into fear and panic mode even though i wont be going back to her. its like im expecting the abuse even though theres no chance of it

[sonar40]

So sorry for what you are going through, but there will come a time when you won't care who she is with or what she is doing. You will just be glad she is not in your life. Xx

 

Thank you. Im holding on to that thought as much as i can and just trust in that. Im normally a very patient person, but very impatient wanting to feel this way now.

[Mikey383]

Im in an extremely bad place today. I was okish most of the day just the usual knot in my stomach and low mood. However, i was at the shop earlier and an old friend I hadnt seen in ages stopped for a chat. He wouldnt have known anything but he asked if i was out with anyone special yesterday for valetines and i replied "No. Just chilled out at home". Then he said "The wife and I went out for a meal. Your ex was there with her boyfriend". Immediately my heart was pounding and i queried him "Which ex" and sure enough it was her. I briefly told him what has been happening and he felt aweful for telling me - not his fault though.

 

Didnt take her long - 2 to 3 days. probably was already there behind my back. its just another knife in the stomach that i didnt need. I cant cope right now. Going to take some valium to knock me out for the night, i just am so overwhelmed with hurt i cant handle it

 

Sonar

 

Sorry to hear that bud.

 

I hope you are doing better today.

 

I am also sorry, that my prediction was quite correct...

 

I know it feels as if an knife just went through your back, but as I have mentioned to you before, the new guy is just a new source of supply...

 

Please my friend, read anything on-line that you can scrounge about Narc's and Sociopaths... (She fits the bill)...

These type of people, can't be alone... They need the new source of supply to abuse, as you have found your way out... Also she is hoping that someone will see her with her new fling and the info will get to you (see it happened)... It is to make you jealous, make you give her a reaction... She is looking for that reaction from you... So, do not react... Do not give her the satisfaction... My ex did the same... Jumped on a new source of supply immediately... She was wanted a reaction so bad, that eventually she used someone to deliver the news to me in a deliberate manner because I wouldn't stalk her social media (FB) to see it for myself... It was intended to hurt me, punish me, make me feel like crap... And ultimately to make herself feel great... All of this, I know it all feels like a punch in the stomach... But feel no jealousy... Just know that someone else is walking into a show... Also have pity on him... He will be the next victim... And she will work him now.... And if you really put your mind on it, she is using him already... And he has no clue of it... These types only know one thing: It is to keep their EGO stroked... It is like getting a shot of Heroin... It is a form of a drug....She needs her drug and at the same time she is just exactly showing you who she really is... Also think of it from another angle: If she managed to pull another man in within a week... If you two ever got married, does she show stable qualities of loyalty? Nope... Neither did my ex... You see these types of people will end up lonely eventually, because they have burned up every relationship they ever had, and lost good people... Eventually, no one will be there for them... They don't think and recognize that... They do not take time off and recognize/ reflect... Eventually they will get old... And they will be alone...

[sonar40]

Don't sweat it. She's a loser, an abuser, and a user.

I'm sorry you're hurting and had to hear that, but use it as a reason to never look back.

You can get past this.

 

Thank you for your continued support. Dreading the weekend ahead but I'll keep up the no contact and go thru the pain.

[sonar40]

Sonar

 

Sorry to hear that bud.

 

I hope you are doing better today.

 

I am also sorry, that my prediction was quite correct...

 

I know it feels as if an knife just went through your back, but as I have mentioned to you before, the new guy is just a new source of supply...

 

Please my friend, read anything on-line that you can scrounge about Narc's and Sociopaths... (She fits the bill)...

These type of people, can't be alone... They need the new source of supply to abuse, as you have found your way out... Also she is hoping that someone will see her with her new fling and the info will get to you (see it happened)... It is to make you jealous, make you give her a reaction... She is looking for that reaction from you... So, do not react... Do not give her the satisfaction... My ex did the same... Jumped on a new source of supply immediately... She was wanted a reaction so bad, that eventually she used someone to deliver the news to me in a deliberate manner because I wouldn't stalk her social media (FB) to see it for myself... It was intended to hurt me, punish me, make me feel like crap... And ultimately to make herself feel great... All of this, I know it all feels like a punch in the stomach... But feel no jealousy... Just know that someone else is walking into a show... Also have pity on him... He will be the next victim... And she will work him now.... And if you really put your mind on it, she is using him already... And he has no clue of it... These types only know one thing: It is to keep their EGO stroked... It is like getting a shot of Heroin... It is a form of a drug....She needs her drug and at the same time she is just exactly showing you who she really is... Also think of it from another angle: If she managed to pull another man in within a week... If you two ever got married, does she show stable qualities of loyalty? Nope... Neither did my ex... You see these types of people will end up lonely eventually, because they have burned up every relationship they ever had, and lost good people... Eventually, no one will be there for them... They don't think and recognize that... They do not take time off and recognize/ reflect... Eventually they will get old... And they will be alone...

 

Thanks Mikey, appreciate it. Yeah ur prediction was accurate. Have read alot of narccism and every single box she ticks. While i understand the npd disorder, its still hard to take in these people really do exist. Maybe because i had a great upbringing and great friends, ive never heard or witnessed such a thing in my circle. I have now though and they are very real alright. Why does part of me feel more sorry for her than what she done to me? I mean it must be aweful to be like them as they truely believe in the bazarre accusations or do they? It always seemed to me that she really did believe her accusations as she was like that to everyone within the house but not to outsiders - not to their face. Extreme paranoia , a hate the world, a professional victim.

 

You made me think about the loyalty and you are right how could i ever trust her - it would be imoossible, i dont think any therapy or counselling for her would ever fix that if she were in the inlikely event admit to her problems. Its a shame because if she recognised it and admitted it to herself then i would have stood by her and helped her. But thats fantasy land. I mean could anyone trust their partner if they done the below what was done to me:

 

- Caught on dating website 6 months after we were engaged. Told her 10 year old daughter she was a lying b**stard then later confirmed she lied. Took the profile off but added a new one the next day.

 

- Adds lots of men she doesnt know in her facebook and gets into sexual conversations with them. Pure fluke that i seen a message popup when i walked past her phone. She admitted is not a good thing to do but she needed attention. I said all u do is give me negative attention, what am supposed to do, im a human being with feelings.

 

- 6 nmmonths later, we are still engaged, on the dating site again and still on it. She said oh i was just nosey to see what men sent but i wud never meet them. I was still getting daily abuse being accused of being a cheater and a tramp, which is complete nonsense.

 

- Hiding her phone all the time. Going into the bathroom every night on her phone for half hr. Always very secretive. I never once spyed or looked at her phone as i was too afraid of what i would see.

 

Theres more but surely this on its own, even if the abuse never happened, is enough to destroy any relationship beyond repair?

 

What am doinng going on about her again. Im trying my best not to speak about her as it just upsets me more but i end up doing so. My head feels really heavy, im exhausted and sick of these things in my head - has she damaged me beyond repair?

[boltnrun]

What things are you doing to try to repair yourself after this abusive and toxic relationship?

 

If you're going to work and going home and crawling into bed and spending weekends hiding in bed I can guarantee you will keep obsessing over this woman because you have nothing to take the obsession's place.

 

And no, I don't mean going on dating sites or anything like that.

 

What things did you enjoy doing before you met her? What people did you spend time with before you met her? What interests you besides catering to her?

 

What I would do after I got broken up with was allow myself a set amount of time per day to feel sorry for myself. I set it at an hour initially but then after 2 weeks cut it down to 15 minutes. It sucked crying and feeling awful so I didn't want to do it, which helped. After that time ended I forced myself to get out of the house. I went to the mall, went outside, went to the beach, anything to get me away from the temptation to hide under the covers.

 

Can you think of anything you can do to try to put an end to your misery?

[SweetGirl28]

Thank you for your continued support. Dreading the weekend ahead but I'll keep up the no contact and go thru the pain.

 

The pain will pass. If you were in contact, you'd never heal.

When you do, you'll see how abusive this relationship was, and you'll feel like you've earned a new lease on life.

Be strong. You can do this.

[sonar40]

What things are you doing to try to repair yourself after this abusive and toxic relationship?

 

If you're going to work and going home and crawling into bed and spending weekends hiding in bed I can guarantee you will keep obsessing over this woman because you have nothing to take the obsession's place.

 

And no, I don't mean going on dating sites or anything like that.

 

What things did you enjoy doing before you met her? What people did you spend time with before you met her? What interests you besides catering to her?

 

What I would do after I got broken up with was allow myself a set amount of time per day to feel sorry for myself. I set it at an hour initially but then after 2 weeks cut it down to 15 minutes. It sucked crying and feeling awful so I didn't want to do it, which helped. After that time ended I forced myself to get out of the house. I went to the mall, went outside, went to the beach, anything to get me away from the temptation to hide under the covers.

 

Can you think of anything you can do to try to put an end to your misery?

 

I am doing things, trying to anyway. Ive been visiting friends, decluttering the house, playing guitar just small things. I can stick at it for a while and then reality can knock me off my feet fir a few hours then i get back into what i was doing.

 

Dating sites - no way. Thats the last thing on my mind, makes me sick to my stimach even thinking of it. I need to be 100% healed before thinking about dating again, no matter how long it takes.

 

Going out for a meal this evening with the best woman in this world - my mum.

[sonar40]

The pain will pass. If you were in contact, you'd never heal.

When you do, you'll see how abusive this relationship was, and you'll feel like you've earned a new lease on life.

Be strong. You can do this.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. SweetGirl you have no idea of the positive impact you have made to this rough journey im on. I thank you so much.

[SweetGirl28]

Thanks for the encouragement. SweetGirl you have no idea of the positive impact you have made to this rough journey im on. I thank you so much.

 

You're welcome :)

Never forget a toxic relationship will never improve, no matter how much time passes. It is what it is.

Reward yourself every milestone, say every week you make it with NC, you treat yourself

to something you like to do. Then up it to two weeks, three weeks, soon you'll be so far removed from this that it will be nothing but a memory left behind . As a survivor I can tell you there will come the day you don't miss or want her at all. That happens when you reclaim your life, self esteem, confidence, and self love. You'll find great strength when you get angry enough to push through. You're doing great, keep up the good work :)

[Mikey383]

Thanks Mikey, appreciate it. Yeah ur prediction was accurate. Have read alot of narccism and every single box she ticks. While i understand the npd disorder, its still hard to take in these people really do exist. Maybe because i had a great upbringing and great friends, ive never heard or witnessed such a thing in my circle. I have now though and they are very real alright. Why does part of me feel more sorry for her than what she done to me? I mean it must be aweful to be like them as they truely believe in the bazarre accusations or do they? It always seemed to me that she really did believe her accusations as she was like that to everyone within the house but not to outsiders - not to their face. Extreme paranoia , a hate the world, a professional victim.

 

You made me think about the loyalty and you are right how could i ever trust her - it would be imoossible, i dont think any therapy or counselling for her would ever fix that if she were in the inlikely event admit to her problems. Its a shame because if she recognised it and admitted it to herself then i would have stood by her and helped her. But thats fantasy land. I mean could anyone trust their partner if they done the below what was done to me:

 

- Caught on dating website 6 months after we were engaged. Told her 10 year old daughter she was a lying b**stard then later confirmed she lied. Took the profile off but added a new one the next day.

 

- Adds lots of men she doesnt know in her facebook and gets into sexual conversations with them. Pure fluke that i seen a message popup when i walked past her phone. She admitted is not a good thing to do but she needed attention. I said all u do is give me negative attention, what am supposed to do, im a human being with feelings.

 

- 6 nmmonths later, we are still engaged, on the dating site again and still on it. She said oh i was just nosey to see what men sent but i wud never meet them. I was still getting daily abuse being accused of being a cheater and a tramp, which is complete nonsense.

 

- Hiding her phone all the time. Going into the bathroom every night on her phone for half hr. Always very secretive. I never once spyed or looked at her phone as i was too afraid of what i would see.

 

Theres more but surely this on its own, even if the abuse never happened, is enough to destroy any relationship beyond repair?

 

What am doinng going on about her again. Im trying my best not to speak about her as it just upsets me more but i end up doing so. My head feels really heavy, im exhausted and sick of these things in my head - has she damaged me beyond repair?

 

Yes.. You can repair... It will take a long time... You were under the SPELL... The chaos alone kept you so busy, that you did not see the reality and you stayed... You should have ran...

 

Do not blame yourself... These people do exist... They are around us everywhere... You just do not know about it as they hide and mask the real them... This is a lesson in life... You will go on, and you will find happiness, someone way better... She will continue her miserable life and never find happiness... She will have a ton of men come through... Each one will be destroyed systematically at a different pace... At the end, she will be lonely... She will destroy everything and die a lonely person...

 

The day will come when you will be happy with someone worth loving and you will hear something about her, her dramas, her failures, new boyfriends, old boyfriends... Then you will look back and feel free... Why? Because you no longer will be vacuumed by her...:).

 

You can do this :)

 

I am here for you SONAR :)

[sonar40]

I'm sad to say I ended up going back to her hence no update since my last post in February. I lasted 2 weeks no contact and stupidly went back to her. So as you all predicted, the abuse continued and led into physical abuse just last Tuesday - i left immediately and have remained no contact. This was the first physical abuse episode and here is why she done it and said it was justified:

 

She went shopping and asked me to look after the kids for a few hours. So i took them all to a play park, then out for a bite to eat and then to the toy store to get them some surprises. We had a great day out and kids were happy. She came home about 20 mins later, gave me that usual nasty look and then all hell broke loose. The youngest kid had picked a few keys of the keyboard (no big deal, they push back in again) and she accused of not looking after the kids and not caring about them. She was literally foaming at the mouth, punched me in the face twice and kicked me in the stomach once. She then grabbed my phone and scraped the screen repeatedly. Her last words to me were "I would love to kill you". Her kids were so upset and they went into my car asking me to take them away as they were scared. Complete craziness.

 

The past 3 months of being back have been really bad, her abuse was worse than before. To make matters worse i lost my job 2 weeks ago - i just was not as productive anymore and very depressed.

 

So here i am again, NC from Tuesday. Been to the doctors and been assigned a Therapist and given meds. I will not break NC this time. I am very down and not coping well but I hope i just get through this and find myself again. My self-esteem, self love and confidence are non existent right now. I am sorry to those on this forum who gave up their time to help me - i feel ive let you down by going back to her and ending up in a bigger mess.

 

One day at a time, i will get through this - i hope!