theREALdusman Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Hi everyone, i just wanted to get some issues off my chest that are affecting me alot lately and maybe I could get some sort of council... So long story short... On September 4, 2015 my partner of 8 years told me she didn't love me anymore and left me and moved in with another guy a week later. I can't describe how destroyed I was since that day so I won't get into all that. So sure enough, rather than jump right into another relationship like most people would've done, I decided to take the other road by not doing that...let's face it, I was in so condition to do anything let alone see someone else, this woman was the only one for me, or so I thought anyway...so instead I decided to just be on my own and just pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and soul, which was not easy to do, but had to be done nonetheless. Today I'm in a much better place emotionally, though I am still recovering and trying to find myself again...to be honest, it feels like my heart has this permanent wound that will never fully heal, no matter how strong its gotten since then. So since that date until today, I've been focusing on just myself and what really makes me happy as an individual, which I see now as a blessing, as I seemed to have forgotten about myself while I was in my relationship; although it's great to focus on your partner and stuff, but I think you shouldn't lose your own individuality in the process since that is the real you. But anyway... So 2017 was a very hard time for me, but ever since my ex left me, I made a decision to always listen and trust my gut/intuition no matter what... I had a full time job in 2016 that I resigned from after a year since I wasn't happy with the way the company was running things. My gut was telling me I wasn't happy and I should resign now before things get worse, and so I did. And a few weeks after I resigned, the company fired everybody in the entire office, which was no real surprise to me, since I kinda saw it coming eventually and my gut was telling me as well. So my last day was October 5, 2017 and I've been an UBER driver since then until today...which my gut was also telling me that I should start doing before I left the company...perfect timing. Keep in mind there are other things apart from my job I was dealing with but I won't get into that... So now it's 2018, and I have plans to moving back interstate as I feel that where I'm living now has nothing for me anymore, and to be honest there's just been too much pain for me here and I just feel it's time go change cities and start fresh. The title of this post is " I have no direction in my life anymore" because right now I feel that the only thing I see is me leaving my current city as soon as possible, but as far as career and money I have no idea what i should be doing. Right now I've been feeling really depressed and deflated because I feel like a crab trapped in a bucket, and every time i feel myself getting closer to leaving, I get pulled right back in the bucket again, and it's really making me lose hope which I don't want to lose..I really need to get out of this city now, and I'm doing everything I can to put some money behind me to do that and get rid of my debts so I have no ties to this place when I leave. Lately I've been thinking a lot about just packing up my car with a tent and supplies and just driving cross country and not looking back and just seeing more of the world through travel...though I'm in the process of moving interstate, I have this gut feeling that what would make me truly happy is to just go on a long road adventure, with nothing holding me back like a house payment or rent...just me, my car, my tent, my cameras and the open road. I have all this time for myself that I never really had before, and given everything I've been going through physically, mentally and emotionally, I've become a more simpler person...I no longer feel the same desires for as many material things as I once did, though I still strive to have nice things in my life as we all should...I just have a feeling that my priority should be focused on experiencing life in a more hands on way through travelling, and not living in a rat race for some stupid house that's become a prison, to which i'm working 80 hours a week for. And since I don't really know what I love to do and what makes me happy yet, my gut is telling me that I need to do this in order to find that out. I'm not sure if I can get some council on this, but I just feel like I need to get out now and just tie up all my loose ends and pack up and leave right now and just get on the road. Would love to know anyone's thoughts on this... Thank you for reading, whoever may be reading this. :-) Link to comment
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