Some food for thought about jealousy

[twotwelve]

Idk if the title is correct enough but i could not think of something more fitting (I accept suggestions :) )

 

So I want to make clear that I dont write this asking advice, I want this to be more of a discussion topic regarding a situation that occured to me.

Sorry for bad english in advance

 

I am with a guy for 1,5 year. The details of my relationship dont really matter, its very good in overall he seems to be a nice guy treats me nice and loves me, and I do too.

 

1-2 months before we started dating he had a thing with another girl. Not many people know about this, I know because he thought it was the right thing to tell me. She is in my friend cycle, we dont really hang out, but we are in the same group of friends in parties or big gatherings etc. I like her a lot she is a very nice person, interesting and extremely beautiful. I never felt jealous of her, I know she would never hurt me (she is just too nice) and I feel good that my bf liked her, meaning that his choices and taste in women is good( i hope that didnt sound bad i mean it in a very loving way). Even though I am the jealous type I dont mind a bit about her, and it is a first for me.

 

Well right after they had this thing she got with her now bf and seems very happy about him. I dont know how their thing ended, I dont know if she cut it off for her now bf, If my bf rejected her, if he was in love with her, any details at all. The only thing I know is that they had something they never had sex and it ended (according to my bf).

All that is ok with me I never had a problem with it.

My problem is (and what i want to discuss) that he talks awfully about her and her current bf. He says that she is very beautiful but thats it. That she is silly and stuff like that. (which i dont see but again I dont know her well enough). He absolutely HATES her bf (lets call him X). Everytime he fits into conversation he finds a way to say how stupid X is or how bad he is. I dont know X, I met him once he introduced his self at me and that was it (so i dont have an opinion). My bf is not friends with him. His friends have nothing to do with him. They never talk. They are practically strangers. The only things he knows about X are gossip (ohhh the curse of living in a small town). This thing was really frustrating to me at the begging of our relationship, but as time passed I forgot about it (he stopped talking about X too).

So a couple of days ago one of my bfs friend (not close friend, not the type I call u to hang out friend, type of my friend is a friend of yours so u are my friend) got in a political disagreement with X that turned up to be violent (they punched each other, as far as I know X did not start this). And here goes again this bullting X thing, my bf feels validated as all of his friends are now against him and stuff. He almost looked happy when he heard about this.

And i just CANT. I hate all of this. And I am too afraid to say, "hey do you still like her? Why are you acting like this? This guy is ok stop you are making me hate you" . I just say that he is acting like a bully but he disagrees really hard and now I am mad.

I dont know whats the matter. I like the girl i wont get jealous of her. Im taking her side. She done nothing wrong. My bf is acting like an a##hole and i feel kind of betrayed in a way I cannot explain.

What are your thoughts about this??

Thanks a lot

[melancholy123]

What does a fight about politics with another guy have to do with your bf liking or not liking his ex gf? I dont see the connection there. What are you feeling betrayed about? I dont get that either.

 

The males in this post sound like immature kids, punching each other because of political opinions.

[smackie9]

My take on this, she dumped him and ya he felt emasculated when X came along and made her happy. This has nothing to do with love, your BF just has a big fat ego. That is what you should address with him. He's being a butt hurt jerk and it doesn't look good. He enjoyed the news because he relishes the thought he is now better than X. So mature....not!

[Hollyj]

Your bf is a jerk! How old is he?

 

I think he stills likes this girl.

[katrina1980]

Hi twotwelve, chiming in to say

 

(1) your English is great, I understood your entire post ...

 

(2) you seem like a lovely person, very kind and thoughtful, a good friend, and also very perceptive as you're sensing something is off with your BF, which I agree with.

 

Regardless of whether or not this "off" feeling is due to him still having feelings for his ex, he is acting like an immature insensitive a-hole, trashing his ex and her BF, who does he think HE is, the be-all-and-end-all of what a "real" man should be? Ugh

 

I would be turned off too!

 

Your BF has poor character. It's anyone's guess if, as he matures, this will change (doubtful) right now he is low quality, poor character, lacks integrity and just a bully.

 

In my opinion, how my significant other talks about and treats "others" is as important as how he treats me.

 

I would be so turned off if my BF talked and acted that way, depending on how often it happened, deal breaker actually. But even one time is very telling.

 

Your BF is a bully.

 

You, on the other hand, have good character, integrity, are a great loyal friend, and can do much better. Life is much too short for such nonsense.

 

Best of luck no matter what you ultimately decide to do.

[Usa1ah]

Some guys just don’t get along, they just rub each other the wrong way. It might not have anything to do with the other girl. It’s not being a bully to not like someone.

 

Why are you defending this other guy so strongly? Someone might think you have a thing for him.

[Wiseman2]

Your bf sounds angry, overly aggressive, immature and as if he has a crush on her and is jealous of this guy. All red flags that should make you question dating him.

I am too afraid to say, "hey do you still like her? My bf is acting like an a##hole