Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Hi y'all. I'm hoping some of you can help provide some insight because I'm struggling. I met this guy on bumble and we dated for nearly 6 months. He met my family after about two weeks into dating, he wanted to. He told me he loved me 3-4 weeks into dating. After a couple of months he was telling me he wanted to marry me, have a future with me, have kids with me. The weird thing he mentioned a couple of times was he wanted me to throw away my birth control. For the record I never did that. Anyways I thought we were both very happy in the relationship. He had pictures of us on his walls. I would stay the night most weekends. He would do really thoughtful things sometimes that I thought was so genuine and because he loved me. Well two weeks before we broke up he randomly got kind of distant..hot and cold..then one day I came over and he broke up with me out of the blue. He started crying and said he doesn't want to live in this city after he graduates and would feel horrible and guilty if I moved cities for him like he did for his ex and when they didn't work out it was the worst time in his life and he was so alone and didn't have anyone here. He said he loved me but he couldn't get this out of his head after applying for graduation. Funny thing is that he asked me about cities to move to a couple months before this and then he just switched? He then insisted on having a dinner a week later to talk. So we go to this dinner basically for him to tell me the same thing and act like he cared. He told me I'm only the second person he's ever loved and that I am the nicest person he's ever been with etc etc. he said he had no interest in dating anyone for awhile as well. So I get most of my stuff back that night. A few days before the dinner he also deleted every picture he posted of us and untagged himself in every picture or post I posted or mine or his friends posted. It looked like I never existed. Flash forward a few weeks and I see him post a Snapchat of him hiking with this girl. Then flash forward another week or two and he deleted me and my best friends off Facebook and instagram and is now Facebook official in a relationship with this girl whom I have no idea who she is or where she came from. Important side information: When we first met he told me he had an ex who he said cheated on him. He never gave me any indication he was hung up on her. Later on I find out he was actually married to this girl and he never to this day told me that he was married to her for years. I believe he was divorced maybe 3-4 months prior to meeting me. What the hell happened? How could someone go from being this perfect amazing boyfriend to complete opposite? He went from telling me he wanted to marry me and spoiling me to this? I don't understand what happened. And I don't understand how he could get into another relationship so fast. It's like I meant nothing to him and he just lied and future faked and fast forwarded me. Everything was his idea first. He wanted me to move in after 6 months, had plans to meet his family for Christmas. It's been really hurtful to see how someone could just do a complete flip like that and act like you don't even exist now and to get with someone else. She probably doesn't even know about me. The fact that he never told me he was married is hurtful. His ex wife still has their engagement photos up on Facebook as well. This new girl already changed her profile pic to them together and seems to be moving just as fast as we did. This is now his second full blown relationship after being divorced less than a year. What the hell? Can you help me understand what happened here? I'm really struggling. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Wow, I'm sorry you had this bad experience. Be careful with men who go professing love and making plans too early on in a relationship. He sounds needy, clingy, and desperate to not be alone. What the real reason is that he ended things, I'm not sure of. But be thankful he disappeared from your life. And feel sorry for the girl who is getting played by him now. You can run background checks for very little cost on anyone and find out their history prior to getting involved too deeply with them. That would have shown his marriage and divorce. Why someone would hide that, idk. I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Sorry to hear this .He is going through a lot of post divorced casual dating trying to grab onto every new shiny woman to distract himself. I find out he was actually married to this girl and he never to this day told me that he was married to her for years. I believe he was divorced maybe 3-4 months prior to meeting me. This new girl already changed her profile pic to them together and seems to be moving just as fast as we did. This is now his second full blown relationship after being divorced less than a year. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 He did not love you, or he would not have dumped you. If someone is telling you that they love you 3-4 weeks into knowing you, it should set off red flags. Then we have the marriage and kids bit, under a year. Huge red flags. This is call fast forwarding and love bombing. This never had a chance. Healthy relationships do not move at this pace. The new girl will experience the same. Once the shininess of the new relationship wears off, he bolts. Block and delete this creep. I can guarantee that he will reach out, once he dumps her. Link to comment
Andrina Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Obviously, you were a rebound. The only thing you can do is to no longer search for him on social media to see what he's up to, and to tell your friends not to mention him to you, even if they find new things about him. With that sort of closure, with each day that passes, you will be able to heal and move on. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 You dodged a bullet with this guy and he was not perfect, he was far from it. He's a liar and a sneak and you are better off without him. Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Obviously, you were a rebound. The only thing you can do is to no longer search for him on social media to see what he's up to, and to tell your friends not to mention him to you, even if they find new things about him. With that sort of closure, with each day that passes, you will be able to heal and move on. If I was the rebound why did he already get in another relationship? Is she a rebound as well? Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 " He did not love you, or he would not have dumped you. If someone is telling you that they love you 3-4 weeks into knowing you, it should set off red flags. Then we have the marriage and kids bit, under a year. Huge red flags. This is call fast forwarding and love bombing. This never had a chance. Healthy relationships do not move at this pace. The new girl will experience the same. Once the shininess of the new relationship wears off, he bolts. Block and delete this creep. I can guarantee that he will reach out, once he dumps her." This makes a lot of sense! I have come out of this with a lot of lessons learned the hard way. Why would someone do that? And go through all the effort? Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 " aking plans too early on in a relationship. He sounds needy, clingy, and desperate to not be alone. What the real reason is that he ended things, I'm not sure of. But be thankful he disappeared from your life. And feel sorry for the girl who is getting played by him now. You can run background checks for very little cost on anyone and find out their history prior to getting involved too deeply with them. That would have shown his marriage and divorce. Why someone would hide that, idk. I hope you feel better soon." I agree! He can't be alone it seems. He's probably been single a few months out of the last several several years. Looking back I see how these were all red flags. He was just so charming and "nice" I was blind to it all. He involved himself in every aspect of my life and I've had a few close friends tell me that they thought something was off about him. They said he was too nice, too charming and over the top. He played me like a fiddle..and it seems like the new girl is in as deep as I was. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 If I was the rebound why did he already get in another relationship? Is she a rebound as well? She is also a rebound. It also not a good idea to get involved with someone so recently divorced. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 " He did not love you, or he would not have dumped you. If someone is telling you that they love you 3-4 weeks into knowing you, it should set off red flags. Then we have the marriage and kids bit, under a year. Huge red flags. This is call fast forwarding and love bombing. This never had a chance. Healthy relationships do not move at this pace. The new girl will experience the same. Once the shininess of the new relationship wears off, he bolts. Block and delete this creep. I can guarantee that he will reach out, once he dumps her." This makes a lot of sense! I have come out of this with a lot of lessons learned the hard way. Why would someone do that? And go through all the effort? My ex pulled the same crap with me. I can relate. I also ignored A LOT of red flags! Lesson learned. Honestly, I think they get caught up in the moment: infatuation. It's not so much effort, as I think that they know deep down that they will not follow through, Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 " aking plans too early on in a relationship. He sounds needy, clingy, and desperate to not be alone. What the real reason is that he ended things, I'm not sure of. But be thankful he disappeared from your life. And feel sorry for the girl who is getting played by him now. You can run background checks for very little cost on anyone and find out their history prior to getting involved too deeply with them. That would have shown his marriage and divorce. Why someone would hide that, idk. I hope you feel better soon." I agree! He can't be alone it seems. He's probably been single a few months out of the last several several years. Looking back I see how these were all red flags. He was just so charming and "nice" I was blind to it all. He involved himself in every aspect of my life and I've had a few close friends tell me that they thought something was off about him. They said he was too nice, too charming and over the top. He played me like a fiddle..and it seems like the new girl is in as deep as I was. Charming is a huge red flag. If someone is pushing things too fast. RUN!!!!!!! Stop worrying about them and focus on yourself. Understand, why you got sucked into this nonsense in the first place. I learned a great deal about me, after my relationship. New boundaries are in place, as well as self respect. Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 She is also a rebound. It also not a good idea to get involved with someone so recently divorced. Is this him filling that void in his life? Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 My ex pulled the same crap with me. I can relate. I also ignored A LOT of red flags! Lesson learned. Honestly, I think they get caught up in the moment: infatuation. It's not so much effort, as I think that they know deep down that they will not follow through, This is very messed up to do to someone. Did your ex move on and do this with the next person as well? It's like they get swept up in that honeymoon phase and then once it wears off they bolt especially when that commitment they were promising is coming closer. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Is this him filling that void in his life? It does not matter. Focus on you. You need to understand why you got involved with him, so that you will not repeat. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 This is very messed up to do to someone. Did your ex move on and do this with the next person as well? It's like they get swept up in that honeymoon phase and then once it wears off they bolt especially when that commitment they were promising is coming closer. I don't know. I cut contact, and had no desire to know what he was doing. i put the focus on me, as I can only change me. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Look into Baggagereclaim.com It helped me a great deal. Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Charming is a huge red flag. If someone is pushing things too fast. RUN!!!!!!! Stop worrying about them and focus on yourself. Understand, why you got sucked into this nonsense in the first place. I learned a great deal about me, after my relationship. New boundaries are in place, as well as self respect. Yes definitely! In future relationships I will definitely ensure things are moving at s slower healthier pace. I don't understand why the heck he went and deleted me like I did something wrong here? The fact he came around my family like that when he knew deep down he wasn't going to commit is gross. I've definitely been getting better but trying to understand why someone would do this has been an experience. Link to comment
Traceee Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Look into Baggagereclaim.com It helped me a great deal. Any recommended articles? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Any recommended articles? The site will have all you need. Look into emotional unavailability. This applies to you. Be grateful he deleted you, and stop trying to stalk his behavior. Block him. He will reach out when the relationship finishes, and mess with your heart more. Link to comment
thorough Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Sorry to hear this .He is going through a lot of post divorced casual dating trying to grab onto every new shiny woman to distract himself. There are A LOT of people out there who do this, they only like things when they are new and something different. Better to have a slow growth then a leap. Link to comment
Traceee Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 There are A LOT of people out there who do this, they only like things when they are new and something different. Better to have a slow growth then a leap. What do you mean better to have slow growth than a leap? Link to comment
Traceee Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 There are A LOT of people out there who do this, they only like things when they are new and something different. Better to have a slow growth then a leap. The site will have all you need. Look into emotional unavailability. This applies to you. Be grateful he deleted you, and stop trying to stalk his behavior. Block him. He will reach out when the relationship finishes, and mess with your heart more. One thing that kills me is I don't know if he met this girl before or after breaking up with me like if he left her for me. I know he is still a lying but it hurts. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 He dumped you and didn't appreciate you. I would suspect that he was cheating. Link to comment
Traceee Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 There are A LOT of people out there who do this, they only like things when they are new and something different. Better to have a slow growth then a leap. He dumped you and didn't appreciate you. I would suspect that he was cheating. Yup that has crossed my mind as a possibility. Isn't it weird he insisted on having a dinner with me a week after he broke up with me!? To tell me the same lies, and act concerned about me. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.