Not interested or playing hard to get?

[Matty145]

o I’m very confused as to if this girl is interested in me or not. Getting mixed signals, basically we met each other through our friends and she started flirting hard and then we were sitting on the couch together and just talking all night. Then I went to kiss her a few times and she kept pulling away and smiling, she said one time “I’m not that easy” , not sure if that means anything. Then she was sitting on top of me, playing with my hair, hands all over me and we were just talking for a while, she was messing with my phone and Facebook profile. Then we finally went upstairs into my bed and slept together(but didn’t have sex), she still wouldn’t let me kiss her. She seemed very into me at this point, then when the morning came around she kissed me when we woke up and we made out a bunch of times and continued to talk, she was wearing nothing but one of my shirts and her underwear, sitting on top of me, sleeping on me, rubbing my body all over, she seemed extremly interested. And we talked for a few more hours in the morning. She asking about my family and all that. Now I go to text her the next day and she seams very distant, taking hours to respond sometimes, I asked her to hangout that night again but she said she had a lot of homework, now later today I texted her asking if she wants to hangout sometime this week and still haven’t gotten an answer after 4+ hours. She did initiate one text message late last night. Is this girl just not interested or is she playing hard to get? I’m very confused by it.

[abitbroken]

Firstly, you fooled around with her one night and expect her to be instantly available the next day and have her schedule cleared for you. I would lay off. She knows you want to hang out - so wait for a response. But if you just asked to 'hang out' after you fooled around with her --- why not ask her out on a date - ask her to dinner or something -- by asking her to "hang out" you are kind of implying you want to make out with her on the couch. In otherwords, be a gentleman.

 

She might be interested. She might not be. But she whether she talks to you or not means little at this point. If you really like this girl, you have to back off. There is a difference between showing interest and being overly persistent.

 

Honestly, just to play things safe - in the future - if a woman gives you mixed messages -- runs her hand all over you - but when you go to do something, she pushes you away and says "i'm not that easy" - don't be that easy, yourself.

[Rozhni]

lol reading this reminded me of a girl I was fwb with. It was almost EXACTLY the same as your situation.

You need to let her go when she wants to go. This is the perfect example I can use. Imagine her as a cat. If a cat comes to you, sits on your lap and purs, enjoy the purring and pet the cat, but that cat will get bored and go away and YOU CAN NOT chase that cat otherwise that cat will run away and avoid you. If you let the cat leave and go wander where ever it wants, it’ll come back eventually and it’ll come sit on your lap. Just enjoy her when she comes to you. I can almost promise you that asking this girl out all the time and texting her will make her run away.

Date other girls for now. Do not fall for her. There can be many reasons she’s into you but not THAT into you. Most likely there’s another guy or guys and she’s just not trying to rush into anything.. if you don’t chase the cat, while the other men do, you’re more likely to have her come to you because the others will be suffocating her.

[IAmFCA]

if you interpret her behavior as one of these two choices in the title, then why bother at all?

 

How people connect does not need to be 50/50. It DOES have to show that you respect your own space and space of others as well. Pacing yourself is an important way to build trust, showing you can respect her space etc. Pacing is easier when you stop wondering about her intentions and focus on the actions, and on monitoring your own investment.

[xcookie7x]

4+ hours isn't that long tbh. I give a person a full 24 hours before I start to get concerned lol. And personally, she could be playing hard to get to see how much you like her. to see if you care. after having my body used to many times I'm afraid a guy will never like me for more than sex and ive specifically said "I'm not that easy" to get the message across. I think ask to see her again and see how it goes. try texting her a few more days. by then you should have a better understanding of where you are with her. and if you need to, just ask. most girls aren't freaked out when a guy maturely confronts her. if you like her, tell her, and ask if she feels the same.

[Matty145]

4+ hours isn't that long tbh. I give a person a full 24 hours before I start to get concerned lol. And personally, she could be playing hard to get to see how much you like her. to see if you care. after having my body used to many times I'm afraid a guy will never like me for more than sex and ive specifically said "I'm not that easy" to get the message across. I think ask to see her again and see how it goes. try texting her a few more days. by then you should have a better understanding of where you are with her. and if you need to, just ask. most girls aren't freaked out when a guy maturely confronts her. if you like her, tell her, and ask if she feels the same.

 

Well she still didn’t respond so I sent her another text asking if she was playing hard to get or just not that interested and I got 0 response, so I asssume she’s not interested. Oh well

[katrina1980]

 

Then I went to kiss her a few times and she kept pulling away and smiling, she said one time “I’m not that easy” , not sure if that means anything. Then she was sitting on top of me, playing with my hair, hands all over me and we were just talking for a while, she was messing with my phone and Facebook profile. Then we finally went upstairs into my bed and slept together(but didn’t have sex), she still wouldn’t let me kiss her. She seemed very into me at this point, then when the morning came around she kissed me when we woke up and we made out a bunch of times and continued to talk, she was wearing nothing but one of my shirts and her underwear, sitting on top of me, sleeping on me, rubbing my body all over, she seemed extremly interested. .

 

Three words to describe her and girls like her -- A BIG TEASE

[Matty145]

Well that sucks. She seamed to be really really into me so that came as quite a shock.

[Sportster2005]

Well she still didn’t respond so I sent her another text asking if she was playing hard to get or just not that interested and I got 0 response, so I asssume she’s not interested. Oh well

 

Ugh, if she was interested, this killed it. I think you need to dial it down a bit. Relax.

[dias]

Three words to describe her and girls like her -- A BIG TEASE

 

This. But teasing is fun!

[Matty145]

Ugh, if she was interested, this killed it. I think you need to dial it down a bit. Relax.

 

How did this kill it? People on this forum suggested I do this? Lol

[Wiseman2]

She sounds into you. Ask her out on a real date in advance and don't be so inpatient. Don't come off as clingy or needy.

I asked her to hangout that night again but she said she had a lot of homework, now later today I texted her asking if she wants to hangout sometime this week and still haven’t gotten an answer after 4+ hours.

[Matty145]

She sounds into you. Ask her out on a real date in advance and don't be so inpatient. Don't come off as clingy or needy.

 

Idk. She hasn’t responded to any of those fore mentioned texts that I sent her. And she hasn’t initiated any contact with me since then so I assume she isn’t interested.

[Wiseman2]

Agree with Sportster, this killed it:

she still didn’t respond so I sent her another text asking if she was playing hard to get or just not that interested

[Sportster2005]

Ugh, if she was interested, this killed it. I think you need to dial it down a bit. Relax.

 

Several reasons. Asking her if "she's playing hard to get" is implying she is, which is insulting. It takes all the fun out of flirting and courting. It is the opposite of projecting confidence. It puts her on the spot and forces a decision. It might seem intuitive to just ask her. It's a bad idea, and from my experience, it's bad advice.

 

You show her interest through your behaviour. You ask her out on successive dates until she says no, or you form a relationship. When you ask a woman on a date, anything but a yes is a no. Unless she re-offers a specific time for the date, she's blowing you off, or has very low interest.

 

Also, you have to question the intentions of a woman who behaves the way she did. I would think she's more interested in thrills, than she is in serious dating.

 

I have a rule. If you're sleeping with me, there's going to be sex. If not, go home. My bed is a boundary I take serious. I'm a prize, and women don't get it for free, and they don't get to play sleepover. I'm an adult male.

[Matty145]

Several reasons. Asking her if "she's playing hard to get" is implying she is, which is insulting. It takes all the fun out of flirting and courting. It is the opposite of projecting confidence. It puts her on the spot and forces a decision. It might seem intuitive to just ask her. It's a bad idea, and from my experience, it's bad advice.

 

You show her interest through your behaviour. You ask her out on successive dates until she says no, or you form a relationship. When you ask a woman on a date, anything but a yes is a no. Unless she re-offers a specific time for the date, she's blowing you off, or has very low interest.

 

Also, you have to question the intentions of a woman who behaves the way she did. I would think she's more interested in thrills, than she is in serious dating.

 

I have a rule. If you're sleeping with me, there's going to be sex. If not, go home. My bed is a boundary I take serious. I'm a prize, and women don't get it for free, and they don't get to play sleepover. I'm an adult male.

 

So should I ask her out or leave it alone?