Brezidente Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for 3. We have a daughter together and she has a son from a previous relationship. I've recently had a mental breakdown and upon trying to figure out why I'm struggling I've found parallels to emotional abuse. My wife is extremely headstrong and over the years, my self esteem has dwindled. When I would have opinions or a difference in opinion, I was met with anger and disapproval. Over time I've developed a fear of telling her things, which has become a huge point of contention because it made the anger and disapproval worse. I was afraid to share new friendships, especially with females as it was seen as inappropriate. I am a very social person, and in order to have friendships I began hiding them. This intensified the anger when things were "found out". She's also insisted I tell her every conversation I have with females, and has previously insisted I talk to my parents less as I should only share things with her. I was afraid to tell her about purchases, as I would be reprimanded. There has been times she's made me return purchases. She's overthrown my decisions when it comes to the kids, in front of them and it's made my say have less worth. Again, I don't believe its malicious but it has been a sore spot. I feel now as though I'm a child in her home. I've been stuffing down my emotions, and carrying on cause this is my only frame of reference and based on her reactions I believed I was wrong, misguided and should feel bad. Eventually I did that every time I felt like I disagreed, as any time I tried to stand my ground there was no leway. She early on instilled that talking to friends or family about issues between us is not okay, and so I've taken her word as gospel. When I told my family about these issues, they didn't believe me cause I'd never expressed it before which made me feel even more trapped and isolated. It's left me depressed, very low, unfamiliar with myself, and I have an extremely low self esteem. During Christmas I had a mental breakdown and lost all romantic emotion towards her. It has not yet come back. I've discussed with a therapist and they said it's likely a breakdown of emotional trust. I gave her all of my emotion and she stomped on it. She is not malicious, and I believe her actions were due to insecurity but it's caused me to fall out of love with her. It's gotten to a point where I want to be anywhere but home. She keeps saying she feels like I don't care, and that she wishes I'd try. She said she's willing to change, and that she is trying to support me but I'm not giving much in return. I don't feel emotion towards her, I feel hurt and I feel like guilt will force me to stuff down my emotions just to continue to appease her. I'm afraid I will give in and continue this cycle of self harm just to avoid hurting her. She keeps pushing for me to try, and I haven't left yet as I want to maintain my family but I am miserable. I feel like I haven't been able to grow as a person, or find my true self because I've been slowly beaten down and abided solely to her ideals. We got together when I was 19, I am now 30. My therapist suggested time apart, but my wife refuses to agree to that. She demands marriage counselling first but I just want time to myself to figure it all out. She said although my wife is not malicious, the tactics are not fair. She suggested continuing in the 'toxic' environment is not conducive to what I need or want. Can I get any opinions? Link to comment
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