Girlnumber1 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 My ex boyfriend of 1.5 years dumped me in October 1. I believe we were just getting over the honeymoon phase where everything was pretty great. We’d met each other’s families, taken a vacation together, talked about having kids, and talked about what would happen when I went to medical school. We had a small argument which led to us taking a break for 1 week. He said he wanted to stay together after that, but we had a hard time getting back into the grove of things, which led to the breakup. He gave a lot of different excuses as to why we couldn’t be together or work things out. He first said he wanted to see other people. Then, he said that nothing made him happy anymore and he didn’t have time for a relationship. Thirdly, he said that he only wanted his family in his life and he couldn’t put anyone above his family. Lastly, he said that he didn’t want to wake up one day in the future after he had kid and realize that he wasn’t in love with me. He just wants to be friends. I tried to accept that we can only be friends and we hung out a couple of times. He made out with me and told me that he couldn’t see himself with anyone else. The next day he told me that all that talk was just his hormones. I decided not to talk to him for a month on November 12 to give myself time to get over him. He tried to contact me a couple of times during that month and then deleted me off of social media. I ended December 15. I asked him why he deleted me and he said that he thought that I hated him and didn’t want anything to do with him. We’ve now been texting back and forth and have hung out once since then. I haven’t brought up the relationship yet. I’ve tried to date other men, but he’s the only man that I want. I only want to get back with him. Is there any way/chance that I could get back with him? Help! Link to comment
Jillstrand23 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Girlnumber1! He has given you an explanation for his behaviour. Why don't you just take it one day at a time and see where it goes. No need to worry or make any rash decisions. SLOWLY!!!! Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 What was the fight about? What has changed that makes you think the relationship will work this time? The reasons he listed for the break up are pretty clear. They are his issues. You can't fix them. He isn't saying: If only you could X, Y, Z this would work. What he is saying is: He wants to see other people. He doesn't have time for a relationship. He wants to focus on his family. What has changed in a couple of months (other then him getting lonely) that makes you think he won't turn around and leave again? Why do you want to be with someone who isn't that interested in you? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 You cannot be friends of there are feelings. You need to stay NC, for a long time. This guy has made it very clear that there is NO future. Hear him! What is the rush with dating. Why not hang with family and friends, and date down the road. Link to comment
Imho Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 My ex boyfriend of 1.5 years dumped me in October 1. I believe we were just getting over the honeymoon phase where everything was pretty great. We’d met each other’s families, taken a vacation together, talked about having kids, and talked about what would happen when I went to medical school. We had a small argument which led to us taking a break for 1 week. He said he wanted to stay together after that, but we had a hard time getting back into the grove of things, which led to the breakup. He gave a lot of different excuses as to why we couldn’t be together or work things out. He first said he wanted to see other people. Then, he said that nothing made him happy anymore and he didn’t have time for a relationship. Thirdly, he said that he only wanted his family in his life and he couldn’t put anyone above his family. Lastly, he said that he didn’t want to wake up one day in the future after he had kid and realize that he wasn’t in love with me. He just wants to be friends. I tried to accept that we can only be friends and we hung out a couple of times. He made out with me and told me that he couldn’t see himself with anyone else. The next day he told me that all that talk was just his hormones. I decided not to talk to him for a month on November 12 to give myself time to get over him. He tried to contact me a couple of times during that month and then deleted me off of social media. I ended December 15. I asked him why he deleted me and he said that he thought that I hated him and didn’t want anything to do with him. We’ve now been texting back and forth and have hung out once since then. I haven’t brought up the relationship yet. I’ve tried to date other men, but he’s the only man that I want. I only want to get back with him. Is there any way/chance that I could get back with him? Help! He has made it clear that he does not want to be in a relationship with you but will say whatever he thinks you want to hear when his hormones want to have their way. He was honest. I don't understand why people try to change other people's mind. If you proceed do so with caution and if it blows up you can't be mad at him. He has warned you! The break up is fairly new which leads to raw feelings. Perhaps NC for awhile will help with clarity. Link to comment
Annia Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 It has only been some months since you break up, so it's soon to say that you can't date another man or be with someone else because you haven't had time to fully grieve and move on and actually be in the right space of mind to meet other people. But one thing I can assure you... it's not possible to be "friends" with exes when there are feelings involved. You sticking close to him as a friend won't "manipulate" him into wanting a relationship with you again and it will make it much harder for you to move on. If he respects you and wants your best he will understand that you need space and no contact if you tell him so. If he doesn't but continues to contact you and trying to get with you while he knows you still have feelings for him and are trying to move on, you can see the type of person he is and that he's not worth your time and feelings. Don't fall for the "friends" thing and don't be a placeholder for people while they don't find someone else... because then it will be much more painful. If you still have feelings and would be devastated if he found someone else, it means you can't be his friend... at least for the time being. No contact for a long period time and then you'll be in a better place mentally and emotionally to decide what to do... and who knows if by that time you've already moved on. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Be very cautious here, OP. Unless he is telling you he regrets his choice to end it and wants to work towards reconciliation, you are likely going to wind up hurt all over again when his "hormones" do the the talking. What was the argument about that led to the break-up? Link to comment
thorough Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 You aren't going to get him back because he does not want to be w/you. Granted the situation I was in didn't last as long, but when these guys were breaking up they made tons of excuses. They could have spared my feelings by just saying they didn't want a relationship. Don't try to win him back because you won't and in the end you lose out. Link to comment
Girlnumber1 Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 Be very cautious here, OP. Unless he is telling you he regrets his choice to end it and wants to work towards reconciliation, you are likely going to wind up hurt all over again when his "hormones" do the the talking. What was the argument about that led to the break-up? Yeah, you’re right. The argument was over something really small. He told me a story that I didn’t find funny, so I didn’t comment. He took that as I was upset and didn’t talk to him about why I was upset as thathad happened before, but I was working on communicating with him better. I called him tonight and told him that it’d be weird if we remained friends after we were in relationships with other people. He got really upset with me and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. He said that he wasn’t happy with his decision, but content. Link to comment
Girlnumber1 Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 What was the fight about? What has changed that makes you think the relationship will work this time? The reasons he listed for the break up are pretty clear. They are his issues. You can't fix them. He isn't saying: If only you could X, Y, Z this would work. What he is saying is: He wants to see other people. He doesn't have time for a relationship. He wants to focus on his family. What has changed in a couple of months (other then him getting lonely) that makes you think he won't turn around and leave again? Why do you want to be with someone who isn't that interested in you? Yeah, I guess I just need to cut off all ties. It’s just hard when he won’t leave me alone and allow me to do that. He even bought me a $70 Christmas gift. I didn’t E.R. hi anything because I wanted to try and get over him if he didn’t want to get back together. Why does he insist on being friends? Link to comment
Clio Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Why does he insist on being friends? Because it is a way to make HIMSELF feel better. He gets to feel less guilty, because in a dumpers' mind if you are willing to be his friend then that means that the hurt he caused you can't have been that bad and you forgive him. In addition, he gets to retain a part of your relationship so he doesn't get to feel the void of not having you in his life anymore. He gets to have a channel of communication in case he doesn't find anyone better i.e. you are strung along as plan B. He gets to push the envelope for a fwb situation whenever his hormones dictate and the list goes on. Lots of perks for the dumper. Prolonged hurt, delayed healing and a constant mind f@(k for the dumpees who allow it. NC is the fastest way out of this for you. Plain and simple, he has decided that you are not the ONE for him and that he wants to keep looking. All else is sugarcoating. Please, don't waste your precious time on him. The ONE will never give you up like he did. He has proven that he is not your one. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Yeah, you’re right. The argument was over something really small. He told me a story that I didn’t find funny, so I didn’t comment. He took that as I was upset and didn’t talk to him about why I was upset as thathad happened before, but I was working on communicating with him better. I called him tonight and told him that it’d be weird if we remained friends after we were in relationships with other people. He got really upset with me and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. He said that he wasn’t happy with his decision, but content. This is his ego talking. You are doing the right thing by taking your own space now. Being friends isn't working and he doesn't get to keep you around until he finds your replacement. Link to comment
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