Should i have my party????

[SHYGIRL2017]

I know this isn't exactly a big issue but I am very confused and would like other opinions please. I have been planning my 30th birthday party for months and months and put so much work into it. (it is supposed to be Saturday 6th jan) I have family coming who are paying to stay in hotels and have bought fancy dress outfits. Last night my cousin (who I am really close to) passed away and now I am not sure if I should still have it. My mum is struggling and thinks I should cancel it but I just don't know if its appropriate or not. I have spoken to people in work who think I should still have it and my partner also thinks this. I know it will be hard to "party" or have fun but should I just cancel altogether???? I am also supposed to be going on holiday with my mum on the 9th and she is thinking of cancelling that also ??/ (taking me for my 30th)

 

I just feel very confused right now. I am not heartless as I love my big cousin.

 

Also my dad passed 2.5 years ago also so I don't know if this is bringing it all back for mum.

[Capricorn3]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Can you not move the party to another date? I am sure everyone would understand why. If you cousin only died last night, I think it would feel very weird to be having a big birthday bash. I couldn't do it, but maybe many people can. I don't know - it's your choice.

[Batya33]

I would reschedule. I attended a party a few days after my cousin's funeral (who I was very close to) and it was hard for me even to be there as a guest (but I wanted to be around some of the people who were there because I did need support). It also would depend on your cousin's wishes if you knew them, but it sounds like you didn't. I'm sorry for your loss.

[SHYGIRL2017]

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate your views. I am just so torn. My partner thinks I would be crazy to cancel to the point I think he is actually getting angry at me . My work colleagues think I should go ahead but make it a tribute to him on some way. I did think of changing the date, I just feel bad because I do have family booked hotel rooms and I don't know how that would work. I am the type of person who is swayed very easily by peoples views ( I just like to try make everyone happy)

 

Confused

 

PS I know my cousin would be angry if I didn't have it but that doesn't really help me. He was supposed to be attending the party. We stay thousands of miles apart but were still so close.

[Capricorn3]

I just feel bad because I do have family booked hotel rooms and I don't know how that would work.

I am assuming these family members would be attending his funeral too? Do you even know when the funeral will take place?

[SHYGIRL2017]

Well no, I stay in Scotland and my cousin stayed in England so it would most probably just be myself and my mum attending the funeral but we are supposed to be away on holiday next week which is throwing another spanner in the works also. He spend childhood up here as his dad was Scottish and his mum irish so most of his family r up here or in Ireland but he stayed in England. The family that have booked hotels are not blood related and don't know him that well (my family is confusing, mum adopted)

[SHYGIRL2017]

I am also not blood related to this cousin but been brought up together. I have a pretty messed up and spaced around the country family. No one else at my birthday would be going to the funeral. It would just be us. No one else visited etc, just seen him when he came to stay with us. He attended their parties etc though. I haven't seen him for 2 years (due to ill health or financial circumstances) but spoke constant. I don't even know if any of this makes a difference but I just need some second opinions as I don't want to hurt or upset anyone

 

Also please don't think that this is all I am worried about because this is the last thing I want to think about but I need to because it is so soon. I don't want to disrespect anyone or upset anyone .

[melancholy123]

I suggest you have the party as planned but take a few moments to say a few words to your group about your late cousin, have a toast to him, and then continue your party. Acknowledging him and his passing is a good idea, I think.

 

As for your holiday with your mother, you should go.

[SHYGIRL2017]

And to be honest its more for mums sake than mine. I am a whole lot stronger than my mum and I know I could get through it but my mum is totally different. She take things so much more to heart and over thinks everything, she is really worried of what ppl would think of me If I have it. She still struggles on a daily basis from losing my dad. I had to support her. I know it sounds so cruel but life does go on and it has to.

[SHYGIRL2017]

Thank you melancholy123. Yeah that's what some ppl in work have suggested. I was planning to do that for my dad anyway. I just don't want to put my mum through any grief if I don't need to. She hurts really easily and cant "keep going" or power through, she dwells on things way too long ( don't mean that in a nasty way)

 

If it was a party for someone else I know I would tell them to do it because my cousin was fighting hard to be there and would kick my butt if I didn't have it, but because I have organised a party for me, it feels very self absorbed if that makes sense ?? I don't want ppl thinking its all about me or that I am all about me, its been strange enough organising it in the first instance.

[Wiseman2]

Understandable it's a tough call however disappointing everyone at great expense to them is cruel. Think for yourself not for your mum, bf, coworkers, etc. It may just be the positive outlet people need after a sad event.

I just feel bad because I do have family booked hotel rooms and I don't know how that would work.

[itsallgrand]

What would YOU like to do? Your feelings?

 

In my younger years I would have 'pushed through' and went ahead with things. It delayed my mourning though. This is me personally. These days I would reschedule unless it was 100% not possible. There's still time to rebook hotels to a later date.

[Jillstrand23]

I know this isn't exactly a big issue but I am very confused and would like other opinions please. I have been planning my 30th birthday party for months and months and put so much work into it. (it is supposed to be Saturday 6th jan) I have family coming who are paying to stay in hotels and have bought fancy dress outfits. Last night my cousin (who I am really close to) passed away and now I am not sure if I should still have it. My mum is struggling and thinks I should cancel it but I just don't know if its appropriate or not. I have spoken to people in work who think I should still have it and my partner also thinks this. I know it will be hard to "party" or have fun but should I just cancel altogether???? I am also supposed to be going on holiday with my mum on the 9th and she is thinking of cancelling that also ??/ (taking me for my 30th)

 

I just feel very confused right now. I am not heartless as I love my big cousin.

 

Also my dad passed 2.5 years ago also so I don't know if this is bringing it all back for mum.

 

You definitley need to cancel the party but I believe its perfectly k to still travel if you suffer a loss in the family. HUGS! x

[SHYGIRL2017]

Thank you so much for your replies & nice words. It really has given me food for thought. Even though everyone might not agree with me. Posting this thread has made me realise that I am going to do what "I" want for a change. I do tend to do what I think other ppl want me to do etc and can be pushed easily. I am going to make my decision based on what I want to do, not what I feel pressured into doing.

 

Thank you so much :) x

[Batya33]

Thank you so much for your replies & nice words. It really has given me food for thought. Even though everyone might not agree with me. Posting this thread has made me realise that I am going to do what "I" want for a change. I do tend to do what I think other ppl want me to do etc and can be pushed easily. I am going to make my decision based on what I want to do, not what I feel pressured into doing.

 

Thank you so much :) x

 

Yes isn't what you want affected by wanting others to feel comfortable around you? Or do you mean you are going to do what you want if you weren't considering anyone's feelings other than your own?

 

whatever you decide I hope it works out all right.

[abitbroken]

If this was your wedding i would not cancel.... But who has a 30th birthday gala with people coming from out of state? Its extremely rude to your guests who are on their way to lose money on hotel and airfare - but then again, your cousins funeral or visitation could be right after your party. If the relatives from out of state are on the opposite side of the family and so therefore they don't really know your cousin well, i would talk to them to see if they are open to cancellation and to see if they can do it. If you rented a hall or something like that - thats a consideration also.

[abitbroken]

I have spoken to people in work

 

I would speak with your family, not people from work about this.

Maybe you can offer your hall space that you reserved to your aunt and uncle so they can have a funeral lunch and since the hall is already paid for.