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I texted my good friend to not hook up with my ex, and she's not happy.


icouldbecathy

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Hi,

I'm 23 and going through my first major breakup from my first love. We went through everything: deaths, infidelity, family disputes, etc. I don't trust him. I haven't for awhile, but I take it out on my friends. My relationship pushed me to be antisocial, afraid of intimacy, and paranoid to all get out. I moved away from my boyfriend causing the breakup, and I have ended up declining in mental health to the point that I texted a VERY close friend of mine who is also close with my ex to not touch him or hook up with him, also explaining that I am in a state of severe paranoia. She never answered. This morning my grandmother died, and I have never felt crazier. I am crazy in my breakup and hurting myself before others can hurt me, and pushing away friends in the process. I have deleted all my social media outlets and sent my friend a text explaining (but not excusing) my odd behavior. I am at a rock bottom. I am jealous and emotionally damaged by my own thoughts about things that haven't happened. I have a high guilt complex that generally takes over my entire life when its in full force.

 

Has anyone else ever done this or felt this neurotic?

Does anyone have any advice on how to fix the situation?

 

Please help I'm losing my mind.

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You are going through a break up. They suck. Even if they are for the right reasons. It hurts and it takes time (more time then we would like) to mourn and heal.

 

Give yourself some slack. If you want/need to stay off social media make sure to reach out directly to friends and family.

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Well, you probably should seek some professional help because what you describe seems to go beyond the bounds of just a breakup. But the first step is to at least recognize that your behavior is unusual and maybe you should count to 10 before you do anything crazy so you can check with your conscience or your higher self to see if what you are doing is rational.

 

You do however have to get out and about. You have go walking and get some sun. If it's cold where you are, then go for a drive or go to a large mall to just walk around and be with people. The worst thing you can do is to be alone and hide in your home. Go over a friend's house or have them come over. Talk with friends and relatives. Go to a gym and work out. You want to cheer up and change your mindset. Tell yourself your paranoia is only in your mind. Go to a New Years party and hang out with friends. And if you meet a cute boy, don't be afraid.

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I'm so sorry about your grandmother, and my heart goes out to you.

 

I would text the friend an apology without asking for forgiveness or raising any explanations about your behavior--at all--beyond knowing that it was wrong and you're sorry for it.

 

It may take her some time to respond, or she may not respond, but at least you can know that you've done what you needed to do, and you can relax about that.

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Please see a psychiatrist. You may need a referral to a therapist or a medical doctor or need medication to manage moods and delusions. Many mood and thought disorders manifest in the early 20s. Please get checked out.

I am in a state of severe paranoia. I have never felt crazier. I am crazy in my breakup and hurting myself before others can hurt me, and pushing away friends in the process. I'm losing my mind.
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I would follow Wiseman's advice and try to book an appointment with a professional. They can give you some tools so you can better cope with the pain you're experiencing.

 

Feeling sad and angry after a break-up is normal; the behaviour you're exhibiting goes beyond that and is concerning. All you can do is apologize to your friend and leave her be. Focus on getting yourself back into good mental health.

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I have ended up declining in mental health to the point that I texted a VERY close friend of mine who is also close with my ex to not touch him or hook up with him, also explaining that I am in a state of severe paranoia. She never answered.

 

I think it's weird that she never answered.

 

Was it really a 'decline in mental health' that caused you to ask the question, or do you have a reason to believe they would hook up? If you have a reason, then it's not crazy to ask that. A wee bit tactless, maybe, but not crazy. And I think a good friend would respond, if only to set you straight. The silence is troubling.

 

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother.

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