My girlfriends best friend cut me off after break up. Emotions conflicted, logistics unclear.

[MacTheII]

Together three years, everyone involved is twenty years old. So this is kind of a can of worms but please bear with me because it’s been one of the most pressing issues I’ve had personally.

 

A few months ago my girlfriend broke up with me. I confided in my best friend, who was also a good friend in the group of our other friends including my girlfriend. He immediately deleted her on everything and totally dropped her. At the time I thought it was natural, I’ve known him for two years longer than they knew each other and he is my BEST FRIEND so naturally he would ‘side’ with me. (The break up was part of a situation in which I was objectively wronged, my girlfriend admitted this, I’ve since forgiven her)

 

My girlfriend was very hurt by this which I discovered after we got back together. It caused a number of issues in our relationship and it’s gone unresolved to this day. My friend has since apologized to her through me but nothing has really been fixed and she still dislikes him and he makes no attempt to reach out to her either. The fissure goes so much as to have me basically not allowed to see him and she is visibly upset if she notices me texting him.

 

So fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I broke up with my girlfriend after an unfortunate week in an incredibly depressive mood and she was just my scapegoat. The regret was almost instantaneous and we got back together the next day. However, I have since not spoken to her best friend and she ghosted me at work a few days after (this is all exceptionally complicated because I work with her and my girlfriend). I haven’t reached out to her and she hasn’t to me, now they talk to my girlfriend in their own group chat without me as opposed to the one I’m included in that was used prior.

 

I’m very hurt because she INISISTED that I was a very close friend to her and that I was important to her. Context: I have always butted heads with her since I met her. We have conflicting personalities and she makes me very very angry, we share no interests and I really considered her a burden I would have to bear for the prize of being with my wonderful girlfriend. That began to change a bit as we hung out but I always regarded her this way because we argued literally every time we were around each other. My girlfriend got fed up and eventually made me hash it out with her but I’m doing so things got worse because she played major victim card claiming that I was one of her closest friends and she cared for me deeply blah blah blah all bull I now realize. So I’ve been trying very hard to feel included and appreciate her as a friend.

 

So to have my girlfriend insist to me and fight with me over the fact that she was my friend for so long and then have her drop me as though I mean nothing just because I made a mistake in a fit of sadness makes me incredibly upset. Now I’m excluded in our very small group of friends and I’m alienated at work. I hate her and I am now entirely vindicated in never feeling like her friend as she’s now proven I mean nothing to her. I don’t know how to feel now.

 

I have in the past asked my girlfriend to drop her, drawing parallels between her and my friend that she wants me to drop and she eventually just said ‘Well I am never going to do that so.’ So like that’s out of the question. I don’t know if now I can finagle this ridiculous double life where I go hang out with my best friend and she goes out with hers and she HAS to not have a problem with it since her friend has done the exact same thing to me, except literally worse. Or what, like, logistically I’m baffled and emotionally I couldn’t be more turned around either. I don’t know if I should be upset or relieved, I feel manipulated honestly.

 

I’ve avoided discussing it properly with my girlfriend after we began to and had a blow out while at my parents for Christmas. We said we would discuss it later but I know it will turn into a yelling match so I’m trying to really collect my thoughts before I initiate the discussion.

 

I realize that hammering home the fact that my girlfriend was in the wrong the first time around really doesn’t sound like I’ve forgiven her. I truly have let the anger fade away and while it used to haunt me I have since truly let it go. I only mention it here to have you understand the perspective my best friend had: she did bad thing to friend, I must not talk to her and take my friends side.

[Clio]

Sounds like your relationship is filled with too much drama. Both you and your girlfriend seem to have an eye for an eye mentality. Unless both of you learn to be more forgiving the relationship won't make it. If this girl is legitimately sabotaging you at work then your girlfriend needs to have a word with her. Other than that, you need to discuss and resolve how going out with friends should work from now on. An eye for an eye approach is unproductive regardless of who started it.

[Wiseman2]

Don't make friends take sides or be in the middle of your breakup drama. You will lose people by expecting this.

[Hollyj]

"The fissure goes so much as to have me basically not allowed to see him and she is visibly upset if she notices me texting him. " How ridiculous!

 

"I have in the past asked my girlfriend to drop her, drawing parallels between her and my friend that she wants me to drop and she eventually just said ‘Well I am never going to do that so.’" Really!!!!

 

You all sound so incredibly immature!

[rosephase]

How about you all don't force each other to be friend with your friends and allow each other to have relationships you aren't a part of. Not all of my partner's friends are my friends. He likes people I don't like. So I'm not close to them.

 

Why are you so hurt that someone you never even liked dropped you on social media? Why is this even an issue?

 

You all sound like you have some growing up to do.

[MissCanuck]

You two involved far too many people in your relationship, and you're both seeking approval from people who do not need to be so closely connected to your relationship.

 

You both need to learn better boundaries.

[catfeeder]

People who reach for breakups as their way of solving problems don't tend to build fan clubs.

 

If it matters to you that specific friends like your partner, then don't complain to those friends about your partner. When you kiss and make up with your partner, it doesn't fix the damage you've caused by complaining about them.