high maintenance, self centered, “me first” women

[Rozhni]

I’m dating a beautiful model who seems to really love herself. I know this is a good thing, but is too much self love a bad thing? She puts herself first now while she’s young with no family, I’m hoping?. She likes to constantly do things for herself and I’m not complaining about anything because I think she’s a perfect match for me at the moment but I’m trying to imagine women like this when they have a husband and kids.. will they continue to constantly put themselves above family? When it comes to family, im the kind of man to put them far above me. It seems to be embedded in me. All the hard work I’m putting in and saving for a future family that I don’t even have. I don’t buy myself much and the thought of having a family one day is what keeps me wanting to succeed in my career. Im not saying I’m already thinking of having children with this girl, but there’s no reason for me to be with her if I’m not thinking marriage one day.. I’m only 23 and I am hoping on having a family close to age 30 and today I was imagining what the girl I’m dating would be like long term. Basically everyday she needs to buy something for herself, needs her own space, needs to feel good about herself. Just constantly think about herself. When she’s in a bad mood she’s distant and I don’t bother trying because ik she just needs her space, but will she neglect her family if she’s not happy with herself?

Do women change when they have children? I guess this may be a complicated question. I’m hoping to hear from women who obviously know more than I would about the change when having a child.

[Seraphim]

It depends entirely on the woman. Some do and some dont.

[mustlovedogs]

I think you’re only with her because she’s hot.

[Rozhni]

I think you’re only with her because she’s hot.

 

Lol there are plenty of hot girls out there. This one is really funny and really smart and also really imaginative like me so we have the wildest thoughts and conversations. Not many girls out there like that. We both like to think too. That’s why I’m always think and posting on here lol.

[katrina1980]

Why do you keep harping on the fact she is a "beautiful model"? In your other threads as well.

 

Her being beautiful has absolutely no bearing on how she behaves and treats people, including you.

 

That goes to her character, NOT her beauty.

 

There are many beautiful women, even models, who aren't so selfish and self-absorbed.

 

So get rid of that thinking it's not relevant.

 

Re this woman, if you are looking for strictly casual, then keep her as an option.

 

Laugh and have great conversations, but don't take it seriously and date other women.

 

If you want more, then find a woman who is less selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed would be my advice.

[boltnrun]

Like others wrote, it depends on the woman.

 

Some women completely change their focus once a husband and children come into their lives. Others want to continue on as though they don't have any responsibilities. I know of one woman who has 3 children by 3 different fathers and she didn't raise any of them because she wanted to party. I know another woman who has had 4 children with the same deadbeat loser, and she has put almost all of her focus on providing for her kids (once in a while she does do something for herself such as have lunch with friends). I know someone else who is working 18 hours a day providing for her 3 kids. Others ship their kids off to their dads or other family members so they can continue to live as though they aren't mothers.

 

My daughter currently is focusing on herself. She's mid-20s and is focusing on building a career and traveling both solo and with friends. I'm encouraging both my adult kids to enjoy this time in their lives because once they have responsibilities they won't be able to take off for 10 days to the Caribbean. I don't feel that makes either of my kids selfish; when else in their lives will they have these opportunities?

 

How long have you been dating this woman? Has it been more than a year so now you're thinking about a permanent future with her?

[Rozhni]

It depends entirely on the woman. Some do and some dont.

 

That’s kind of scary to think about.

[boltnrun]

That’s kind of scary to think about.

 

Some men change when they become fathers and some don't. Isn't that equally "scary"?

[Seraphim]

Some men change when they become fathers and some don't. Isn't that equally "scary"?

Exactly....

[Rozhni]

Why do you keep harping on the fact she is a "beautiful model"? In your other threads as well.

 

Her being beautiful has absolutely no bearing on how she behaves and treats people, including you.

 

That goes to her character, NOT her beauty.

 

There are many beautiful women, even models, who aren't so selfish and self-absorbed.

 

So get rid of that thinking it's not relevant.

 

Re this woman, if you are looking for strictly casual, then keep her as an option.

 

Laugh and have great conversations, but don't take it seriously and date other women.

 

If you want more, then find a woman who is less selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed would be my advice.

 

Because she literally is a model and because I’d think her beauty has a lot to do with why she’s self centered. She HAS to look good in order to make a career and money. One day she’s going to have a family so I’m wondering if she’s only the way she is because of her career or if that’s just how she will always be even when she’s no longer a model and has a family. She has a great character and the funniest girl I know. I love her personality. I’m not saying she’s self absorbed. She’s just high maintenance and has to feel like she’s in tip top shape in order for her to be happy.

[mustlovedogs]

Wait a second. Is this the girl that wants to take it slow?

[Rozhni]

Some men change when they become fathers and some don't. Isn't that equally "scary"?

 

I don’t plan on marrying a man so I don’t have to worry about what men are like. I know what I’ll be like.

[Seraphim]

Well ,no one knows what kind of mother they are going to be like until they are one . Same with men , they don't know what kind of father they're going to be like until they are one .

[boltnrun]

You know for a fact that she plans on having children?

 

How long have you two been an exclusive couple?

[mustlovedogs]

You know for a fact that she plans on having children?

 

How long have you two been an exclusive couple?

 

They’ve been on 7 dates...

 

If this is the woman he keeps posting about.

[Seraphim]

If you have been on 7 dates slow down on the what kind of Mom she will be.

[boltnrun]

BTW, how is she "high maintenance"?

[katrina1980]

 

Because she literally is a model and because I’d think her beauty has a lot to do with why she’s self centered. She HAS to look good in order to make a career and money.

 

One day she’s going to have a family so I’m wondering if she’s only the way she is because of her career or if that’s just how she will always be even when she’s no longer a model and has a family. She has a great character and the funniest girl I know. I love her personality. I’m not saying she’s self absorbed. She’s just high maintenance and has to feel like she’s in tip top shape in order for her to be happy.

 

Okay but I disagree. I used to work in the entertainment industry in New York City (Manhattan), and was surrounded by beautiful models, women and men.

 

And many of them were in loving committed relationships, married and some even had a few kids.

 

Their characters didn't change just because they were beautiful and forced to look good for the camera.

 

Might she change? She might as she matures.

 

But for right now, she is who she is, selfish, self-absorbed and high maintenance.

 

As I said, either accept and enjoy who she is for what she has to offer you now, or if you need more, walk away.

 

It's never smart to bank on someone's "potential" and this is true for women and men.

[boltnrun]

One of my relatives was a very well known, successful model. She's a wonderful wife and mother.

 

Depends on the individual.

 

I wonder why you find that thought so "scary".

[Batya33]

I don't think putting oneself first in a selfish way reflects loving oneself. It just reflects being self-absorbed. Self-care does reflect a healthy sense of taking care of oneself, of loving oneself. But that's different. Self-care doesn't mean being materialistic, either. I would never ever commit to someone in the hopes that the person will change especially hoping that parenthood changes the person. You have to have it in you before you commit to marriage or parenthood. It doesn't matter that she's a model other than for her job she has to look a certain way and pregnancy can affect that - so talk with her about her future goals.

[Rozhni]

Like others wrote, it depends on the woman.

 

Some women completely change their focus once a husband and children come into their lives. Others want to continue on as though they don't have any responsibilities. I know of one woman who has 3 children by 3 different fathers and she didn't raise any of them because she wanted to party. I know another woman who has had 4 children with the same deadbeat loser, and she has put almost all of her focus on providing for her kids (once in a while she does do something for herself such as have lunch with friends). I know someone else who is working 18 hours a day providing for her 3 kids. Others ship their kids off to their dads or other family members so they can continue to live as though they aren't mothers.

 

My daughter currently is focusing on herself. She's mid-20s and is focusing on building a career and traveling both solo and with friends. I'm encouraging both my adult kids to enjoy this time in their lives because once they have responsibilities they won't be able to take off for 10 days to the Caribbean. I don't feel that makes either of my kids selfish; when else in their lives will they have these opportunities?

 

How long have you been dating this woman? Has it been more than a year so now you're thinking about a permanent future with her?

 

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

She’s definitely not the party type. She just constantly likes to be alone and do things like go shopping daily, get her nails and hair done frequently, and spending time with her friends. Shes a very spiritual person and looks to the universe. We just started dating. We have been friends for about a year, but the past 3 months we’ve been going out and she’s always had interest in me but she was dating another guy when we first met so she kinda kept me on the side. (Her ex was an insecure cheater) he’d cheat because she was so distant. We are taking things really slow. It’s just how I am. I feel how distant she can be. Sometimes I feel like I’m single but I’d never date anyone else because ik she’s not. When I’m dating a girl I always try to imagine if I’d marry her one day. If I can’t see myself marrying her I don’t even bother dating over 3-4 months. I guess because of how distant she is with men I’m wondering if she’ll always be this way.

[Rozhni]

Well ,no one knows what kind of mother they are going to be like until they are one . Same with men , they don't know what kind of father they're going to be like until they are one .

 

When I was 21 I decided I needed to get my life together because I want to be able to provide for my family. I know I’ll be a good family man. It’s what I’m looking forward to in life.

[Rozhni]

Wait a second. Is this the girl that wants to take it slow?

 

Yes that is her

[Seraphim]

When I was 21 I decided I needed to get my life together because I want to be able to provide for my family. I know I’ll be a good family man. It’s what I’m looking forward to in life.

 

I get that. But does she? After 7 dates you don't truly know that .

 

For instance since I was 14 years old I want to be a mom . I didn't become one until I was almost 31 . Life happens. You have no clue how your life will turn out really . All you can do is work towards what you want and find someone who wants the same things that you do.'

[reinventmyself]

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

She’s definitely not the party type. She just constantly likes to be alone and do things like go shopping daily, get her nails and hair done frequently, and spending time with her friends. Shes a very spiritual person and looks to the universe. We just started dating. We have been friends for about a year, but the past 3 months we’ve been going out and she’s always had interest in me but she was dating another guy when we first met so she kinda kept me on the side. (Her ex was an insecure cheater) he’d cheat because she was so distant. We are taking things really slow. It’s just how I am. I feel how distant she can be. Sometimes I feel like I’m single but I’d never date anyone else because ik she’s not. When I’m dating a girl I always try to imagine if I’d marry her one day. If I can’t see myself marrying her I don’t even bother dating over 3-4 months. I guess because of how distant she is with men I’m wondering if she’ll always be this way.

 

So, if she'd rather get her nails done or spend time alone, does that make her self centered, high maintenance and not really that into you?

Sorry. But I just have to point out that you still have some knee jerk negative views about women. Or at the very least, negative views about this one.

I could be wrong, but there seems to be a pattern here.