Fleste Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 Hi, I am a bit confused and want some advice here to what I should do. My now ex dumped me after a 9 month relationship. I am 31 and she is 29. We had really great times together with a lot of sex and no major fights. We had our own interests and let each other free in them. Even if we had to miss each other for the weekend. Her and my family really came along great. They all loved me and all loved her. Everyone loved us as a couple and said we were made for each other. Than our last weeks together came (didn't know that then). We went on a weekend and really had a good time together. Making a lot of selfies, kisses, heartshaping with hands and all. the next weekend we went away on a daytrip with a picknick. After we went home and had sex. The monday after she send me picture that I am her happy place and I am the best. 2 days later she brought me a present. All pictures of some competition I did in the summer to place it on the wall. She was telling me it's so weird that we know each other so well and I love you so much. 2 days later I get a text where she can't see me anymore because she needs some time alone to think. We need to break up and I really don't have to change anything because I am a super person, smart, handsome and all.. I send text back to have a talk in the evening but she refused, ignored my calls and all. So I just send her a text: ok, I'll be here if you want to talk for try again. be well. I didn't talk to her but her parents called me. They were shocked and said she is dropping the best she would find in life. After a talk with her father she agreed to talk to me. She came and said her feeling is not strong enough for me and it's not the right feeling and all. So I let her go.. Her parents called me again and said it was real bs because she was always talking about me and cuddling when I was with her. 2 weeks later I found out she was with a guy from her work. I confronted her and she said she is sorry for how she lied but that this guy gave her the right feeling. I said ok: good luck with him, hope he treats you right and be good. From that moment on I blocked her from FB and Instagram. I went completly no contact. Except for her parents because they live just around the corner in the same village. They really love me and keeping in touch. They say it won't last with that guy. They told me she is living already with him (after 2 weeks!!). That he is fat and ugly and I was so handsome and all. They really don't like him. He doesn't talk to them. He stands a meter from her away, sits a meter from her. When she was with me she would always place a hand on my leg or around me. They say it doens't go that big as it was with you. That what she had with me was real love and that they really hope that she comes along and returns to a good relationship. Her whole family is really dissapointed and don't want to meet or get to know that guy. They all hope she comes back to me. They say it goes to fast now and isn't healthy living with him and working with him. Is this a rebound she's in? He even got the same name but is totally a different person then me? In beginning of December It was my birthday. Got a text from her: happy birthday. I replied Thanks. She then asked: how are you I ignored that. Than I saw her in the village and just said Hi, smiled and kept walking. 3 days later around 10PM i got another text: I really hope you are ok, sorry for everything. I ignored it again because that was the time she was with this guy in his house. Why is she sending me this text? guilt? I am glad I ignored it because it's now more than a week ago and I haven't gotten another one. Will she be sending more? Do I keep NC like I am doing already for 1 month and 2 weeks or do I reply to them? Will she come around like her parents think? Thank you for any advice! Link to comment
and so it goes Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 You have to ask yourself: Do you want her back? For sure? Will you ever be able to trust her? No offense, but something seems really "off" about your girl. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 I would continue to do what you are doing and ignore her as long as she is with this guy. If and when she sends anything meaningful like: "I would like to meet and talk", continue no contact and ignoring her. It sounds like she is rebelling against her overbearing parents I ignored it again because that was the time she was with this guy in his house. Why is she sending me this text? guilt? Do I keep NC like I am doing already for 1 month and 2 weeks or do I reply to them? Will she come around like her parents think? Link to comment
Clio Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 Don't reply. You have done well so far. Now you need to let go and move on. Regardless of what she feels about the other guy, she said that what she felt for you was not strong enough nor right. She has also proven this by her actions. If she loved you, she would never have treated you like this, she wouldn't be capable of this. She sounds unstable and so does her family. Even if she came back, she would likely drop you the same way for the next guy who felt 'right'. She has told you what the problem was. It was not you, it was her. Do yourself a favour: Let go and move on. She is damaged. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 My guess is that this other guy has been on her radar a lot longer than anyone knows, and it's not as sudden as it looks to you and her family. Either that or she is totally unstable. It isn't exactly healthy, rational behaviour to go from being all over a boyfriend to dumping him and moving in with another guy in two weeks. Something is very off there. But I have to wonder - what is her relationship history, prior to you? You also really need to stop talking to her parents about this. They don't need to be sharing this information with you, and given that she is no longer your girlfriend, you need to start putting space between you and her family now. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 Hi Fleste, Sorry to see you in this situation... it's a pretty crummy way to be treated. I agree with MissCanuck - you have to try and put this behind you and move on. Cut the ties with the family too. Best of luck and continue to post here . :) Link to comment
Fleste Posted December 22, 2017 Author Share Posted December 22, 2017 Yeah it sucks but I am moving on and dating other girls now. I know it wasn't my fault in this. I was really good to her but let her always know my boundaries. With her I had a feeling that I haven't gotten with any girl before. That's why it is still hard some days to let it go. Also her parents haven't done me anything wrong and are neighbours. It's not easy to tell them to leave me alone. She was with me most of the weekends and she saw him only at work. He must have gotten into her head there in some way. It can't be that long because he is only single from august. His girlfriend left him because he was to needy and clingy. She only had 1 long relationship before me that lasted 9 years. Maybe she wants to explore more guys before settling down for real. She also said to a mutual friend that I came to early in her life. Thanks for the support and tips! I'm staying no contact untill she sends me to meet or calls me. I'm giving her the gift of missing me :) Link to comment
Fleste Posted December 22, 2017 Author Share Posted December 22, 2017 What I am wondering also is maybe she didn't feel right about me because this guy was doing his moves on her? Maybe now she is lying herself that this was the right choice and that's the reason why she moved in with him so soon. To justify her decision in her head. Because she left her cat in a house from her parents. A cat she loved so much she cried in my arms when it didn't came back for 3 days. It's so weird.. Having a bad start of the day... Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 What I am wondering also is maybe she didn't feel right about me because this guy was doing his moves on her? Maybe now she is lying herself that this was the right choice and that's the reason why she moved in with him so soon. To justify her decision in her head. Because she left her cat in a house from her parents. A cat she loved so much she cried in my arms when it didn't came back for 3 days. It's so weird.. Having a bad start of the day... Was she living with her parents? They voice their opinions, and are meddling. So if she was, it would make perfect sense for her to move in with him. Not necessarily because she wanted to, but because she doesn't want to hear it anymore. She thinks she feels more for him than you, so let her find out. Just don't be so quick to take her back should it explode in her face. Though my guess would be she will stick it out just to prove her parents wrong. NC, and move on. Try hard not to listen to her parents or talk about her. It's not healthy for you. Link to comment
Fleste Posted December 22, 2017 Author Share Posted December 22, 2017 Was she living with her parents? They voice their opinions, and are meddling. So if she was, it would make perfect sense for her to move in with him. Not necessarily because she wanted to, but because she doesn't want to hear it anymore. She thinks she feels more for him than you, so let her find out. Just don't be so quick to take her back should it explode in her face. Though my guess would be she will stick it out just to prove her parents wrong. NC, and move on. Try hard not to listen to her parents or talk about her. It's not healthy for you. No, They had an extra house that was empty. They let her move in there after she broke up with her ex of 9 years. She had to sell her own house after the break-up. They made some changes to it so that I could move in there in time as well. She lived there alone except for 1 day in the week and the weekends when I was there also. She loved that house because it was surrounded by farms and fields. She loves working in the garden. now she is in a city with him. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 I am a bit confused and want some advice here to what I should do. I wouldn't see any ambiguity at all in someone telling me that they want to end our relationship because they don't feel good enough about it. I'd be off of her radar and completely out of contact. I'd have zero knowledge of what (or who) she does after that, and her parents' opinions may be well meaning but irrelevant. I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone in my life, including me, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this and move my focus forward rather than keep my focus on ex and drill myself into a deeper hole to climb out of. Head high. Link to comment
Fleste Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 little update: Because her parents keep in touch and like me very much they asked to come over for Christmas. (I am always alone those days) My ex went to her parents and heard I came there that evening and she began arguing with her parents. They had a big fight because she thinks her parents are not accepting the new guy because they still are in contact with me. But they cannot stand the guy. Her niece said he came for Christmas and was a bit late. He didn't give a kiss to her. so must be big love.. That's why her mother and father have a problem with the guy. They feel that he is not crazy in love with their daughter. They are very worried about her because she has changed her hairstyle, clothing style. She isn't the warm person anymore.. I received a text from her: Dear, I haven't contacted you because you asked me to (I didn't, I just went NC). I would like to ask you to break all contact with my parents. I know I have made some big mistakes against you but I cannot turn back time. That way it is better to stop the contact. Grts Around 1:40AM (She is with this guy or is sleeping then or is out with the guy): It has no point, with living in the past you won't become happy again. I have never heard an ex again before after 2 months breakup. Mostly their parents to check up on me like hers do. I didn't reply to those texts. I went to her parents and just told them that I wouldn't pick up the phone anymore if they call. (I never contact them, its the way around) Do I have to send a reply to her? because she is assuming things that are not there? I am happy, I am having a lot of dates, have fun with friends, and doing some new sports. Do I keep NC or do I tell her that? Some friends think she is just looking for a reaction from me because of the NC.. That she is not happy with the guy (not kissing when seeing each other) but is afraid to come back and talk. Or is it just guilt? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 It's important that you heed her warning. Unfortunately agree with her that you need to cease contact with her parents. Leave her and her family alone. You are undermining her. She has the right to rebel and date whomever she wants. Don't get caught up in her family drama, it's making it worse for everyone involved...especially you. I received a text from her: Dear, I haven't contacted you because you asked me to (I didn't, I just went NC). I would like to ask you to break all contact with my parents. I know I have made some big mistakes against you but I cannot turn back time. That way it is better to stop the contact. Grts Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 It makes no sense to pal around with an ex's parents. I'd skip that, and your problem is solved. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 No, she didn't send that text to get a reaction, she sent it because she's angry(and rightfully so) because her parents are interfering. The guy not kissing her doesn't mean a darn thing. I think you're looking for reasons for her to be miserable and pining over you, instead of accepting that she is an adult who made her choices and is sticking to them, without you. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks of those choices. Do not reply to her. Link to comment
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