Is this girl attracted to me, and what should I do?

[RIPDIME]

Hello everyone, I am on a process of self-transformation and overcoming. So, seeing as how I wasn't doing well mentally and hadn't been in a relationship or even had sex in the town I was in for quite some time, I moved far away to a new town, and am starting to settle here, with my mental health becoming the best it's ever been. In any case, I wasn't all too sure if the town was working, but I decided to be superstitious one day and said to the universe, 'If tomorrow I talk to a girl and she returns my affection, I will stay here'. In any case, while I have been trying to overcome my lifelong awkwardness and shyness towards girls by talking to them, I saw a girl that really stood out to me in town. There was something about her presence and beauty that was special, so I gathered the courage to talk to her. Eventually, after talking for some time, she invited me to a cafe, and we ate together. I remember she was saying she was happy to have met me, and that she had a splendid time. I also remember her staring deep into my eyes. We kept talking every day or so.

 

She invited me to hang out with her friends and go to a club. It was pretty unnerving to force myself to meet strangers and dance, but I did my best. When we went to the club I talked a lot about her family and was seeming to make emotional connections. At one point, I left and came back, and I remember hugging her for a long time. To my horror, she started making out with another guy who I thought was one of her friends, and being drunk, this really upset me. In any case, I slugged through the night despite being heartbroken and eventually ended up home. The third time we hung out, we went to my place alone. I was late to meet her, and there was some problems at my place, a couple embarrassing things, but I was very surprised at how confident I was. We made dinner together and we laid on my bed and read a book. I asked her to watch a movie, but she had to work early in the morning and said, 'another time'. Some things I noticed was that she always makes this sigh or this long 'hmmm' sound around me, and she seems to blush, but I could be mistaken. Also, when I was saying goodbye to her in my car, when I went over to hug her, it was almost as if she was expecting me to go over for a kiss.

 

In any case, I'm pretty stuck here. On the second time we hung out, I told her that this place was opening up for rent, and she asked if it has two rooms, so I'm pretty confused what my status is. I really like this girl, a lot. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and when she doesn't contact me for over a day, it hurts inside. The problem is, I really would like to figure out where I am in all of this. I don't know how to be seductive, but it would seem I should be doing certain things to get out of the friend zone, if that's indeed where I am. It also would seem odd for a single girl to want to just be friends like this. I'm thinking of asking her out for dinner on Sunday, but I'm really scared of being rejected or something like that, and of going in for a kiss or holding her, and with her retracting or rejecting me, losing hope for girls in general, this being the last nail in the coffin. I've been making such great lifestyle choices, and improving myself, with this town actually clicking and making friends, and I don't want this to be a big setback.

 

Any advice on how I should proceed?

[SherrySher]

You only have two choices, really. You can keep on how you've been, having feelings for her but doing nothing about it, or you can express your feelings to her and hope that she feels the same way back.

That's the unfortunate thing about life, there is always risk with the things we want the most. It might work out, it might not work out but you won't ever know unless you take the risk.

Yes rejection is difficult for all of us, but it's something we need to accept as a possibility and not let it ruin our lives.

It really is up to you.

[Careerchoice]

If you're not in the friendzone yet, you are well on your way. Friendzone is accomplished when you have chemistry with a girl and don't physically & emotionally escalate the interaction. You're definitely missing the physical part. She's going to think you're not interested.

 

I'm thinking of asking her out for dinner on Sunday, but I'm really scared of being rejected or something like that, and of going in for a kiss or holding her, and with her retracting or rejecting me, losing hope for girls in general, this being the last nail in the coffin.

 

Based on your interaction with one girl? Isn't that being a little overdramatic? I'm doing a lot of online dating right now. I get rejected all the time. I also have sex with a lot of girls too. I'm turning a lot away at this point. You have to play the numbers game to a certain degree if you want to have success with women.

[DanZee]

Are you dealing with autism or some other condition? Nothing personal, just asking.

 

You have to slow down. You've only gone out with this girl a couple of times. Don't overthink things and think she's moving in or anything. This is not the last nail in the coffin and you shouldn't lose hope in women. It's just difficult to find the right girl for you. Some people say it's a numbers game, that you've got to meet a lot of women before you find one that likes you and you like them.

 

So ask this girl out to dinner and tell her you like her. That's the goal for the night. Just enjoy the dinner and you certainly can kiss her at the end of the date. As Sherry said, rejection is difficult, but you got to keep on trying. Girls take being asked out as a compliment, so never be embarrassed about asking a girl out. And always be on the lookout for someone who may be taking an interest in you. Maybe someone else in her group might want to go out with you. Hang in there.

[RIPDIME]

Well, okay, so it's obvious that I'm expected to make the move as a guy. I get it. When you say I'm supposed to escalate, does that mean that the friends thing is up in the air? Again, why would she make out with another guy, or say certain things?

 

When I was younger I was shy and girls always made the first moves after hanging out a few times, and I was successful back then, even if I wasn't into them. My first real girlfriend we were looking at the stars and I walked up behind her and held her, so maybe I should do something like that?

 

I say it because the last two years I have experienced lots of rejection. After breaking up I probably coming off as desperate and weak, I get it, but I'm just saying that I'm getting older, and if I am rejected once again, it's going to hurt a lot, especially since I really dig this girl. You all say, 'it's just life,' but I'm not sure any of you have experienced the amount or type of rejection I've experienced in the last while. If you fished a lake and kept coming up empty handed you'd feel the same way.

 

I don't think I'm autistic, as I've never been labelled that, although I'm definitely 'artistic' and have been labelled with ADD, and (as my post said) suffered heavily from social anxiety. Obviously you'd bring it up for a reason, so it is personal.

 

Anyways, so, I call her up and tell her I like her and ask if she wants to go out for dinner with me? Shouldn't I just ask her out for dinner and then go in for a kiss afterwards, as that's more spontaneous?

[Careerchoice]

When you say I'm supposed to escalate, does that mean that the friends thing is up in the air?

 

Difficult for me to tell from your description, but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters in this exact moment is that you like her and you haven't gotten accepted or rejected. Since you're still new to this, it's pointless to try and figure out whether she's interested or not. Assume that she's interested in you, or at the very least, still undecided. Don't reject yourself. Unless she's given you a no, she hasn't given you a no.

 

On a more advanced level, girls' emotions are always fluid at the beginning. It's all going to depend on how you cause her to feel in the moment. But as time passes, her feelings will solidify.

 

Again, why would she make out with another guy, or say certain things?

 

She would make out with another guy because she was drunk and attracted to him. You haven't expressed your interest in her, so she crossed no boundary in her mind.

 

When I was younger I was shy and girls always made the first moves after hanging out a few times, and I was successful back then, even if I wasn't into them. My first real girlfriend we were looking at the stars and I walked up behind her and held her, so maybe I should do something like that?

 

Don't rely on girls to make the first move. It usually doesn't happen. And don't look to recreate previous romantic moments. It will look forced, like you're acting.

 

I say it because the last two years I have experienced lots of rejection. After breaking up I probably coming off as desperate and weak, I get it, but I'm just saying that I'm getting older, and if I am rejected once again, it's going to hurt a lot, especially since I really dig this girl. You all say, 'it's just life,' but I'm not sure any of you have experienced the amount or type of rejection I've experienced in the last while. If you fished a lake and kept coming up empty handed you'd feel the same way.

 

If you've only gone fishing 5 or 10 times, that's not a lot of rejection. Especially for someone inexperienced. Stop looking at this girl as your future wife. You're not ready for that yet. You need more experience.

 

Anyways, so, I call her up and tell her I like her and ask if she wants to go out for dinner with me? Shouldn't I just ask her out for dinner and then go in for a kiss afterwards, as that's more spontaneous?

 

It honestly probably won't make too much of a difference whether you tell her over the phone, during a nice meal, or drunk at a bar. Either she is going to want it or not want it. So I wouldn't stress too much on the method. Just try to accomplish the mission of communicating to her somehow that you are interested in her. You can work on your technique later with other girls once you get a few repetitions under your belt.

[RIPDIME]

Difficult for me to tell from your description, but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters in this exact moment is that you like her and you haven't gotten accepted or rejected. Since you're still new to this, it's pointless to try and figure out whether she's interested or not. Assume that she's interested in you, or at the very least, still undecided. Don't reject yourself. Unless she's given you a no, she hasn't given you a no.

 

On a more advanced level, girls' emotions are always fluid at the beginning. It's all going to depend on how you cause her to feel in the moment. But as time passes, her feelings will solidify.

 

 

 

She would make out with another guy because she was drunk and attracted to him. You haven't expressed your interest in her, so she crossed no boundary in her mind.

 

 

 

Don't rely on girls to make the first move. It usually doesn't happen. And don't look to recreate previous romantic moments. It will look forced, like you're acting.

 

 

 

If you've only gone fishing 5 or 10 times, that's not a lot of rejection. Especially for someone inexperienced. Stop looking at this girl as your future wife. You're not ready for that yet. You need more experience.

 

 

 

It honestly probably won't make too much of a difference whether you tell her over the phone, during a nice meal, or drunk at a bar. Either she is going to want it or not want it. So I wouldn't stress too much on the method. Just try to accomplish the mission of communicating to her somehow that you are interested in her. You can work on your technique later with other girls once you get a few repetitions under your belt.

 

This was all sound advice, and I thank-you for this. I invited her for dinner tomorrow. It was odd, because she said she could only go for a couple hours, so I've decided that this is it, this is my last chance, as the feelings seem to be fading, and I know that as my feelings fade, hers will too.

 

So, my question is, since I only have two hours, I obviously have two options. 1) Tell her straight up that I like her, or 2) go for a walk and kiss her somewhere. Any advice on how I should go about this so it's smooth and in the right moment?

 

Scared of being rejected, but looks like I have no choice but to try at this point.

[Careerchoice]

So, my question is, since I only have two hours, I obviously have two options. 1) Tell her straight up that I like her, or 2) go for a walk and kiss her somewhere. Any advice on how I should go about this so it's smooth and in the right moment?

 

I'm telling you, it's not going to make a difference in the outcome. Either way, there will be an equal chance of her saying yes. As far as making it smooth and in the right moment, that comes with experience. We can't tell you how to do it over the Internet. So just do the best you can do and be comfortable with your effort.

 

Scared of being rejected, but looks like I have no choice but to try at this point.

 

You're right; there's no choice. You have to do it.