RatherSharp Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Summary: My SO and soon-to-be husband is usually responsible and hardworking. We've been going out for many years and almost everything works out fine. Except for the fact that I would like the future father of my children to drink less, to lead a healthier lifestyle, to make wiser and more mature choices. I point this out to him and he responds well, trying to show that he's committed to me, that he cares, but he ends up drunk and smoking compulsively every single weekend. I don't want to take care of a lung cancer patient in a few years just because he thinks he doesn't "smoke too much". I want a healthy partner to live life with. Sometimes he will apologise to me. I'm not stupid enough to think I can change him and I'm sick of the anxiety all this causes me. How can I put an end to this situation? Is it really too much to ask? Is this a sign that I shouldn't get married? The full story: I've been with him for over 10 years now and we've changed. We were kids, I used to drink every weekend, do drugs sometimes, go out as much as I could. However, I've been feeling like I'm ready for something else for a long time. I try to stay healthy, I quit smoking and drugs and I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. My perfect weekend plan these days is: staying home and watching movies, eating special dinner, doing things around the house, going hiking in the mountains for a few hours, having lunch/coffee with friends, visiting my/his family, playing guitar. The thing is he has barely changed his (drinking) habits in at least 10 years (he's 31). He's up for ANY plan that involves drinking. He has a group of friends (they share a hobby) who get drunk at least once day per weekend; usually, two, and quite frequently three or more. Whatever they do, there's always alcohol involved and at first I didn't mind, but it began to worry me, and now it's become a huge concern. I've heard remarks and I know his friends mock me for asking him to drink less. Oh, and he also smokes twice as much when he goes out. I'm worried about his health. I'm disgusted that he enjoys alcohol so much. When I think of him drunk and tasting like an ashtray it really puts me off (to say the very least). I can't stand it. I've made it clear to him that I don't feel comfortable with his lifestyle and he appreciates the fact that I'm committed to the relationship, so he won't argue (much), but in the end he ends up drunk every weekend. He makes up lots of excuses before and after, of course. I accepted it at the beginning but now him apologizing just makes me angry and sad. He loves me and cares about me and he certainly doesn't want me to leave him but he isn't ready to change. I don't think I want to put up with it for the rest of my life. I love him very much and the LAST THING I WANT IS TO BREAK UP, as It would tear us both apart, but the thought has been slowly creeping into my mind. Perhaps I should find someone who's happy just cuddling at home on a Friday night and watching movies. Perhaps I should let him go. It seems like something insane at this stage but maybe it's not too late. Thoughts, please? Have you been in a similar situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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