Asian Christian Lady, feeling totally dejected after a breakup with an Arab Muslim Guy

[Casetocase1011]

Hi guys, I've been lurking around here for a few days now after my break up, trying to convince myself that I will get over this.

 

This is a very long post, so please bear with me.

 

So, I am a Filipina living as a professional expat in Dubai. I have met this amazing Lebanese Muslim guy almost three years ago, and I swear to God - I really felt he's my soulmate since day one. You know that feeling when you just met someone but you feel like you've known each other all your life? That's how I felt with this guy. And I believe it's the same for him.

 

We started off pretty intense as I went through some difficulties being new to Dubai. He stayed by my side despite everything, and that's how I learned that his feelings for me were genuine. However, we already knew from the very beginning that it's going to be complicated because of religion and cultural differences, so we eventually drifted apart after a couple of months trying. We lost contact for 6 months. I tried moving on and dating other people, but to be honest, he never really left my heart and mind during that time.

 

We reconnected after 6 months after he "accidentally" dialled my number. We started to be friends again, but naturally, our feelings for each other rekindled, until we finally decided to give it another try. This time, the relationship was more serious and intense, with the intention of taking things forward (engagement and marriage). That's when our personal hell began...

 

I don't mean to generalize but Lebanese people are quite known to be racist here. I was taking this with a grain of salt until I learn it the hard way that they really are...

 

His sister based here with him didn't want to meet with me despite her brother telling her how nice I am. I am a professional working in marketing industry. I am driving my own car, paying my own bills, having my own investments, but for some reason, his family thinks that all Filipinas are just...maids. Not that there's something wrong about being a maid, but their limited cultural exposure and knowledge made them so intolerant. Not only my race, I am a Christian too. Although between me and the guy, this has never been an issue - he prays 5 times a day, I celebrate Eid with him, I tried fasting with him during Ramadan, and so on and so forth. We discuss things about bible, quran, etc. I also understand that if we get married, our kids will be automatically Muslim. That's fine by me. I am a spiritual person, but above everything else, I am a compassionate human being and for me, the most important things a person should learn are love and respect for other people. As long as I can teach my kids that, I don't mind which platform or religion.

 

Although I made it clear that I will never convert, he requested me to stay away from alcohol, and pork. And to dress modestly. Nope, no cover whatsoever, but just a little modest - no cleavage, short shorts, etc. - which for me are actually reasonable.

 

I love him, and I do believe in my heart that we could make this work. We are both willing to make it work. However, the family's opinion finally got into him last week. We broke up because his mom told him that she wont be comfortable with him ending up with an Asian woman. They haven't even met me yet, and they are already rejecting me because of my race??

 

I am so confused right now. I am broken-hearted, sad, and angry. I am so mad because I know that I worked hard on myself, to be the kind of person that I am now. I worker hard for my career, for my education, and these people deducted my entire being based on my nationality and religion.

 

I know I shouldn't take this personally, but I can't help but feel so hurt. I love this guy so much, and I know that we had was real. Real, but perhaps not strong enough to overcome religion and cultural differences? I am having a hard time trying to wrap my head around this, but I just can't...

 

 

😭

[Jibralta]

Anyone in your situation would feel the way that you do. It's very unfair.

[chitown9]

Thinking that love conquers all is magical thinking.

[DancingFool]

I'm sorry for your hurt OP. Your story really highlights how love can make us blind.

 

The thing is that when it comes to such big, serious, fundamental differences, you can only make it work or reconcile them when both people aren't particularly devout or even very religious or of x religion by birth, but not really practicing or living their background and not interested in doing so.

 

In your case, you have been very blind to the fact that this man is in fact deeply devout, actively practicing, living, and adhering to his religion, etc. That should have been your big warning red flag that this will never work out for the two of you. Personally, I think that you dodged a bullet here because if he had married you, I think you would be in for quite a cultural shock as your freedoms would get curtailed according his culture and religious beliefs and he very likely would demand more from you in terms of clothing, behavior, etc. because you are now his wife and must obey and live by his rules. That's quite a cultural divide OP. Maybe in the future stay away from that.

 

Love conquers all only in fairy tales. When you have such deep fundamental differences between you, you aren't really soulmates. Keep looking OP, the right man is still out there for you. This one never was. Hugs.

[1a1a]

Seconding Dancing fool!!!!

 

All the same I know it hurts now, Jedi hugs if you’d like them.

[abitbroken]

I also understand that if we get married, our kids will be automatically Muslim. That's fine by me. I am a spiritual person, but above everything else, I am a compassionate human being and for me, the most important things a person should learn are love and respect for other people. As long as I can teach my kids that, I don't mind which platform or religion.

 

You don't understand what will be required of you as a Muslim wife in an Arabic nation. In fact, if you don't become Muslim, your in-laws may very well overstep your rights as a parent, even if your husband claims to be westernized. Dubai allows Christians to come and work there, but you cannot pray openly or practice openly. You may not see that if a lot of your friends are also from the Phillipines or the US, but if you were to marry him you would see that. You would only be able to pray and read the Bible within your own home, and if your in-laws had issue with it and made a stink - you never know what could happen. Being a visitor there or temporary resident is different from marrying and staying.

 

Also, even if he is very nontraditional - even in families where the culture is the same - if the family doesnt' like the spouse, they could work to rip them apart.

 

I think you are being a bit naive and are looking through love goggles. Take them off.