Boyfriend is having baby with EX WIFE

[misunerstood2]

About almost a year ago I️ met this guy. To cut the Lovey dovey we started talking about April, May. We started moving fast and we both new it. I️ was not intimidated by it but he was and would remind me of it but I️ didn’t think much since we both enjoyed each other. As time is flying by we’re starting to develop further into our relationship. One day he sat me down and told me he needed to tell me something that may end our relationship. I️ initially thought, oh god he cheated. Or was talking to someone else. That was not the case but he proceeded to tell me that he got married a few years ago and is still married to the girl. He told me that they have been broken up for about 2 years and that there’s nothing between them anymore, just never divorced. And that their relationship is done. I️ was utterly shock and felt like I️ was in a movie and the director was going to yell “cut!” any second. But unfortunately it was all real. I️ was mad and told him how I️ felt but ended up staying with him since he told me he would obviously get a divorce in the future and shouldn’t effect us since they’re no longer together. (Keep in mind this is only a couple MONTHS into this relationship and he didn’t know when would be a “good” time to tell me. Which I️ can understand) anyways, I️ tried to just move on since really there’s nothing I️ could do except wait for them to divorce. Which I’m not sure when that will happen since his ex lives in HAWAII as we both live in Cali. If you like the story so far.. it gets better. One night we were out with some friends drinking and having a good time. We were secluded in the backyard and for some reason my boyfriend thought it was a good time to tell me that HIS EX MAY BE PREGNANT. I️ don’t even have to explain what I️ felt in that moment but you could probably just imagine. I️ was hurt. Heartbroken. It was hard enough when he told me he was still married to her. I️ was angry. Furious. There were so many questions that I️ needed answers to. When he initially told me he was saying he didn’t know it was his (even though his ex was saying it is) but now that months have passed... and the baby is due in January... he’s going to Hawaii for a month to find out if it’s his (although I’m sure he truly believes it’s his) and to see the birth of his child. This has been tearing me apart from the inside out. What makes it so hard is that I️ love him and I️ want to be there for him and give him my support. But I️ HATE his ex and I️ HATE that he’s having a baby.. with her. He reassures me that I’m the only one he wants and I️ believe it. There’s no denying our love for each other. But this situation is killing me. I️ get jealous that he’s starting a family with someone else. That he’s still married to her.. that I️ won’t give him his first son or daughter.. our first son or daughter. It almost makes me hate HIM sometimes because this is his fault for getting the girl prego although THATS NOT HOW I WANT TO FEEL TOWARDS HIM AT ALL. So my questions are, what do I️ do? How are some ways to get over it (if possible), what should I️ be offering to the situation instead of just sitting back and watching it happen. I️ just feel horrible about all of it. Left out a bunch of other lil details but this is the gist of it. Hope anyone can help and share similar stories.

Peace

[rosephase]

Stop putting your feelings about him onto her. You don't HATE her. You don't know her. All of the feelings you are having are about his choices. You are (rightfully) hurt about how he treated you AND how he treated her.

 

I think if you are feeling hatred in your heart towards this woman and their (maybe) child you should dump him. Hate is an awful destructive feeling and right now you are pointing it at people who have nothing to do with your situation. He hid his past. He hid the fact he might have a child on the way. He lied to you and now is putting you on the back burner to deal with the situation he completely got himself into and hid from you.

 

Also why does he need to go see her for a month to find out if the kid is his? This is another choice he is making. He could find out without ever leaving your side. I think he's still lying to you. I think you have a lot of justified anger and hurt and you are desperately trying to blame anyone other than him... even though it's his choice to treat you the way he has.

[ThatwasThen]

Frankly, I suspect he is still very much having a relationship with her and you're just someone he's enjoying on the side. He's lied to you several times now. I'm surprised you're not on here because you broke it off immediately after he lied to you and you're looking for emotional support.

 

You did break up with him, right? You don't know this guy at all. How did you meet him?

[Batya33]

I dated someone for a few months whose ex girlfriend was pregnant with their child. He told me about it on the very first date. I thought I would be ok with it but I wasn't, ultimately. I'm glad I ended it early on before I got too attached. If he had lied to me as your boyfriend did (since you can do the math -they had sex after the time he told you they were broken up - didn't he say 2 years?). Also he is still married and therefore cannot date and most likely since they are married he will be the father for child support I bet. I would move on now for several reasons. He's a married man and he lied to you on top of that and he's about to be a new dad.

[melancholy123]

I concur with everyone else. If you need to feel hatred towards someone it should be HIM. He's the liar, not her. I too bet he's still actually in a relationship with her and he's doing nothing but screwing you on the side in more ways than one. He doesnt need to go to Hawaii for a month for a paternity test, dont believe that. You've been used in a most cruel way and you need to put an end to this. He's still married, he's not free to have a relationship with you and most of all he's a LIAR.

[figureitout23]

Run........

[MissCanuck]

Your hate for her is completely misdirected. I bet she has no idea you even exist. Hate him? Sure. Her? No.

 

Also, you need to re-think your definition of love. This isn't it. A man who loves you doesn't neglect to tell you that he is married, nor does he drop the bomb on you that his wife is pregnant while at a freakin' backyard gathering. This dude is an opportunist and liar of the worst kind.

 

You need to ask yourself why you'd even consider hanging on to a creep like this. He is awful.

[Starlight925]

I was going to respond, but everything I would say has already been said:

 

--Your hate for her is misdirected. Your hatred should be towards him.

--He lied to you, multiple times.

--Reviewing the timeline, he slept with her after he claims they broke up.

--He has likely been having relations with her, physical or at least emotional, during your relationship.

--You moved too quickly with him to even know him.

 

And lastly:

 

LEAVE HIM.